A Few Thoughts That Ran Through My Brain and Came Out My Computer.

This message appeared on my TV yesterday.

 I am pretty sure it is the result of three weeks of non-stop Republican candidates’ bullshit.    

We have a new member here at the cat ranch.

His name is Harry or as we mostly refer to him; Prince Harry.  We are pretty sure he is of royalty as he is already running the household.  Even though Harry was born in the wild, he has domesticated us quite nicely.  He is a skilled tree climber and a one-cat wrecking ball in the house.

As with most of the country, we are sick and tired of Mother Nature dragging her Cold
Front though town every week.  I can’t wait to start bitching about how hot it is. 

The Oscars reminded me of a Ted Cruz speech.  Three hours long with about
a minute and half of content.

The Walt Disney Company has decided to cut ties with the Boy Scouts of America over a controversial policy banning gay adult leaders.  The Boy Scouts have responded by saying that the Disney Company discriminates against short people.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Two Faced Party

Tweet
You knew sooner or later the GOP (Gang of Pretense) would start bringing out the big guns.  Thaddeus (I just want to be on MTV) McCotter, a guitar-playing congressman from Michigan has thrown his hat into the ring for President.  He says he wants to have his say about the National Debt. I’ll bet he does.  He is a five term congressman and was part of the “We will show those Democrats how to spend money” Republicans from the last decade (Better known as the Bush Debacle), but now he wants to cry about the debt that he helped run up.
  
Why is it that the ones who shout the loudest about gays are usually in the closet and the guy telling you how honest he is is actually picking your pocket?  Also those who bitch the most about Federal spending are down slopping it up at the trough.  Here are a few examples of a number of two-faced Tea Party Republicans who are taking home the cash while moaning loudly about the out of control spending in Congress.

Last week one Republican-run House committee approved bills diluting parts of the financial law requiring reports on corporate salaries and exempting some investment advisers from registering with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Another House panel voted to slice $200 million from Obama's $1.4 billion budget request for the SEC, which has a major enforcement role.  Yes sir, the GOP (Gang of Pinochios) do love those Wall Street bankers.

According to the latest financial reports Wall Street is once again rich and healthy, but unfortunately Main Street is not doing so good.   Now let’s see, where do most of us live, Wall Street or Main Street?  The recession which ended two years ago has left no lingering effects on Wall Street. The Stock Market rallied 90% since the recession and of course 80% of all stock is held by 10% of the people.  Corporate profits and CEO salaries are up, yet hourly workers are making less than a year ago.  Unemployment is the highest and for the longest since the end of World War II. What is wrong with this picture?


Today's good read is Flash Foresight by  Daniel Burrus.  One of the better non-fiction reads I have come across. It will make you think about problem solving in a different way.




 Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Queen Of The Tea Party Comes Out

Tweet
Michele (I want to be President of this great country even though I’m not sure what country this is) Bachmann has kicked her presidential run off with a bang today.  She said in Waterloo, Iowa when she was announcing her candidacy "Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too."

Unfortunately that particular John Wayne was from Winterset Iowa which is across the state.  The John Wayne of Waterloo is John Wayne Gacy, serial killer of 33 teenage boys. I wonder if Michele plans on hiring a speech writer soon that has heard of the Internet and Google?  

Here are a few other quotes from Michele (I’m even dumber than Sarah) Bachmann that will give you a little idea of how tuned in she is to the environment. This is what Michele said last week, "Look, I love the environment. I love clean air, clean water. I'm a sportswoman. I love the outdoors.”   Uh, right…this what she has said in the past.

• 'I came away with the idea that [the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge] is the most perfect place on the planet to drill.' [8/13/08]

• 'The big thing we are working on now is the global warming hoax. It’s all voodoo, nonsense, hokum, a hoax.' [3/15/08]

• 'There isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows carbon dioxide is a harmful gas. There isn’t one such study because carbon dioxide is not a harmful gas, it is a harmless gas. Carbon dioxide is natural. It is not harmful.' [4/22/09]

Of course this is what scientist claim about carbon dioxide.  They say it is toxic to the heart and causes diminished contractile force (whatever that means) but hey, what do they know? I can see why big oil loves this pin-head.

Former Governor of Illinois, Rod (Does anyone have a comb?) Blagojevich, was convicted on 17 out of 20 charges against him yesterday.  The former governor said he was very disappointed. He thought maybe they could run the table but that 17 out of 20 wasn’t bad.  When the jury was polled, they were unanimous on him having the world’s worse hair-do.

Bristol (I thought they said practice being obstinate) Palin has somehow managed to cram her vast knowledge of life into a 255 page memoir titled “Not Afraid Of Life.”  Of course 250 pages are dedicated to getting laid and running down Levi Johnson, the lay-er.  The real title should be “Get Drunk, Get Knocked-up, Get Rich.” 


Well I survived my 50th high school reunion in pretty good shape.  I was right to be a little nervous about there being a lot of old people there.  Not only were they old but they all seemed to have memory problems, most of them vaguely remembered me but they were all adamant that I wasn’t the valedictorian of my class.  I tried to explain that I helped our English teacher out occasionally and was vowel custodian.

The football coach was still pissed after all of these years and wanted me to bring back the equipment and my uniform.  The old high school was no longer standing but neither were most of the graduates.  I did get a picture of the homecoming king and queen.  They looked just as happy as they did on prom night.

I also got a photo of one my teachers who taught Health. 

All in all it was a fun time.  There were no fistfights, gun fights or knife fights but there was lots of shouting matches from those who were too vain to wear their hearing aids




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrumph Day

''Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?''
—George W. Bush, Jan. 11, 2000







George Bush. "All Hat and No Cattle.



Here is the real question.  Do we really want another inept, incompetent, out of his league clown from Texas as President?

Rick Perry, “All Hair and No Clue.”

Newton Leroy (One is the loneliest number) Gingrich vowed Sunday night in Los Angles to continue fighting for the Republican nomination for president, "no matter what it takes." He said he is hitting the campaign trail first thing next week or for sure the week after.  Their first stop is Rodeo Drive, then on to Tiffany’s, Saks Fifth Avenue, and Macy’s.

Nitwit and his campaign staff had a disagreement on which direction his campaign was going.  Nitwit said he thought they were going to Washington and the staff said they thought the campaign was going to Hell in a hand basket. .

 
I’m a little surprised that Nancy (Big Mouth, Little Brain) Pelosi wants Congressman Tony (I’ll show you mine if you will…oh what the heck, here is mine)Weiner to step down.  As long as he is in the spotlight most of her dumb comments go unnoticed. 

The upcoming Sarah (I may not look dumb, but I is) Palin documentary is entitled “The Undefeated.”  What? THE UNDEFEATED…? Did I miss something?  Is Sarah Palin Vice-President and John McCain President?   I don’t think so.  I believe a more appropriate title would have been “The Uncompleted” since she can’t seem to finish anything…you know, like her term as Governor of Alaska.  Critics of the documentary say Sarah attacks the Republican Old Guard.   Excuse me, like there is a “New Guard” in the Republican Party.  I don’t think so. GOP…Grumpy Old People.

Congressman Tony (Teeny Weeny) Weiner is taking a leave of absence to seek professional help.  Word is he’s taking a Photoshop class. 

The U.S. Sergeant at Arms Office confirmed Monday that the Senate's website had been hacked this past weekend.  An office official said it was mostly just inconvenient.  Well yeah, like these boneheads know anything.

The so called Republican debate Monday night should have been called a meeting of the Mutual Admiration Society.  I am pretty sure they were all holding hands and blowing kisses at one another when it was over. 

 

Bret (From Cheese-head to Dick-head) Farve sorta acted like he was retiring yesterday.  He said, “I’ve been beat up enough.”  Of course the father of the girl Bret sent his last cell phone text to didn’t agree.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Have Gun, Will Travel

Tweet

Now Rick (I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do and a gun) Perry says he is thinking about running for President. Wasn’t he talking about Texas seceding in the recent past? Anyway, a "Draft Perry 2012" website is up and running and get this; it is sponsored by 5 California lawmakers. Well yeah, these yahoos had Arnold for Governor. Even an idiot like Slick Rick looks good beside that bed warmer. The only thing Arnold has done noteworthy is to join the who’s who list of famous folks who have fathered children out of wedlock. Here are few names that come to mind, John Edwards, Eddie Murphy, most of the players in the NBA and God.

Here are some facts about how Texas has done under Perry’s periscope.
• Texas is #49 in verbal SAT scores in the nation (493) and #46 in average math SAT scores (502).
• Texas is #36 in the nation in high school graduation rates (68%).
• Texas is #33 in the nation in teacher salaries.

Oh yeah, we are in the top ten for having the biggest budget short fall. We rank #8 with $27 billion and had to lay off hundreds of teachers and other public workers, (fire and police departments).Way to go Rick.

Rick (Serial Politician) Perry doesn’t bring experience to the party, he brings baggage. Here is a guy who was born in a lower middle class family who has worked in government jobs all of his life and is a millionaire. Gee, wonder how he did that? You think he saved that much by switching  to Geico?
And if that is not enough for ya on Slick Rick, check out http://juanitajean.com/

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, the new darling of the Republican Party, is certainly fitting right into the Republican mode of saying one thing and doing another. The so called fiscal-conservative took a State Police helicopter to his son’s baseball game. Nice move.

The scariest thing about all of the Republican candidates who have announced and those who are about to announce they are running for President is their nano knowledge about foreign policy. Most of them couldn’t tell you if Bin Laden was involved with Al Qaeda or Al Roker.

Two friends in Houston were comparing handguns and one of them was accidentally shot in the chest. Seems like another good reason to make it mandatory for gun owners to take an I.Q. test.

 On a recent field trip to Baltimore a group of eighth-graders from Berwick, Pennsylvania were taken to lunch at Hooters. I am assuming they were members of the school’s Audubon Society.

Sarah Palin and Donald Trump’s meeting took a bad turn this week.. That thing on Donald’s head snapped at Sarah and she shot it. Early reports say it only suffered a hair line fracture.

Does anybody else think the Viagra commercials are as dumb as I do? Their slogan is, “The Age of Knowing.” They have a guy driving down the road and his car over heats so he stops and puts water in it. Wow, is that brilliant or what? Who would have ever thought to do that? What I am really surprised about is they haven’t used Jesus as their spokesman. I mean who could better represent “Resurrection” and “The Second Coming.” Plus you can make some great rhymes with erections and resurrection.


Today's good read is Ghost Country by Patrick Lee.  This is a real page turner and one of the best Sci-Fi thrillers I have read in a while.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Sarah's Bust Tour

Sarah Palin will embark on a one nation tour of historical sites this weekend that were key to the formation, survival and growth of the United States of America. Sarah says she will begin her trip in Washington D.C. where Lincoln gave his famous Gettysburg  address freeing the American Indians.

Then she is traveling to Philadelphia to see where Quasimodo rang the Liberty Bell so hard that he cracked it.  She said she is also going by Ben Franklin’s house to see where he invented electricity.

From there Sarah said she will go to Boston and the Old North Church where Paul Revere & The Raiders recorded “Just Like Us” and “Kicks,” and then down to Plymouth Rock to visit where Christopher Columbus ran the Mayflower ashore and opened the first Pilgrims Cleaners.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Also a two-hour film about Sarah Palin’s governorship will debut in Iowa next month. Coincidentally that is just about how long she was Governor

Mitt Romney is expected to announce he is running for President of something next week.  I’m not sure if it is President of Utah or the United States. At this time, Romney leads most national GOP popularity polls. I think that has to do with the way the question was worded on the poll. It asked if all the Republican candidates suddenly came down with the plague, who would you give the antidote to? 

So Paul Ryan and the Republican Party are saying that Democrat Kathy Hochul used scare tactics about Medicare to win the New York House of Representatives seat this week.  Let’s see, this is from the party that came up with “Death Panels,” “Rationing for the elderly,” and     “Obama’s birth certificate”  

Phoenix Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who calls himself “America’s toughest sheriff,” may have to change his name to “America’s dumbest sheriff.”  Three of his employees have been arrested on drug and human trafficking charges. Marcella Hernandez, a detention officer, said she is eight-months pregnant with the child of the alleged drug ring's leader.  Sounds like she was working undercover…or was it under the covers?

Grimsvotn, Iceland’s most active volcano erupted this past Saturday.   The Icelandic government has been understandably worried about the eruption’s impact on the tourism business but so far all nine tourists confirmed they were still making the trip.

 
This quote from a movie reviewer  “Second 'Hangover' feels awfully familiar” ….YOU THINK..

 Yesterday Congress voted to extend The Big Brother Patriot Act.



Stay tuned for future adventures

Harrumph Day

Looks like the Republicans are starting to send in the big guns, or is it clowns. Tim(talk about bullshit, I’ve got) Pawlenty, former governor of Minnesota, has announced he is running for President.  He said, "I'm going to take a different approach. I am going to tell you the truth."  Here are my thoughts on that statement.  Anytime you have to tell people you are telling the truth, you are probably lying.  The honest person automatically thinks you think he is telling you the truth. 

One thing for sure about Tim (talk about bullshit, I’ve got) Pawlenty, is that if you happen to be poor, abused or orphaned because you were unlucky enough to be born to bad parents, don’t expect any help from him.  Here is quote from Tim in 2001 when he was a member of the Minnesota House of Representatives. "Children who are victims of failed personal responsibility are not my problem, nor are they the problem for our government.”  Of course he is Pro-Life, he just doesn’t care if you have a very good life.  Just another Compassionate Conservative at work.  

He also said on the Today show. “I’ll bring the solutions forward that will actually fix the country.”  Gee I wonder if he is going to fix the country like he fixed Minnesota.  The former Governor left Minnesota with the largest deficit in 152 years.  Yeah, he fixed those Minnesotans alright. Also remember that Tim is the guy who came in second to Sarah Palin when John McCain was deciding on a running mate.

Here is a real winner or should I say whiner. Rick (I need to be in a) Santorum, former Republican Senator from Pennsylvania is expected to throw his room key into the fray next week.  He is another Compassionate Conservative who is a major gay basher, pro-lifer, isolationist who is not even considered a long shot.  To be considered to be a long shot, you at least have to have a chance.

In the words of that famous political pundit Michael Vick, so far this election is shaping up to be a fight between a Rottweiler and a couple of Chihuahuas.

And speaking of clowns, Rush (I’m living proof that drugs cause brain damage) Slimebaugh and Sean (I’m even dumber than Rush) Hannity ratings are down about 30%.  Looks like these boneheads are finally talking their way out of a gig.  Of course the majority of their audience is made up of old white males which is pretty much the same make-up of the GOP.(grumpy old people).

Harold (two strikes) Camping is at it again. Now he says Judgment Day will be Oct 21st.  Damn, and I have a great Halloween costume for this year.  I was going to go as Newton Leroy(nitwit) Gingrich.  All I need is a shoe to stick in my mouth. 

Joesph Brooks, who wrote“You Light up my life” possibly the sappiest song ever written and recorded, killed himself this week at the age of 73.  I’m surprised he let himself live this long.   Before you think I am too harsh on Joe, he was awaiting trial on allegations that he lured women to his apartment through an online ad offering auditions for a movie role and then raped them.

Today's good read is The Trinity Six by Charles Cumming.  This is a well written Cold War spy novel that puts a new spin one of Britain's most  notorious spy rings.  




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Observations And Oddballs

So Rush (I am living proof that drugs cause brain damage) Slimebough has decided that Texas Governor Slick Rick (I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry is the most qualified candidate for President.  First of all obviously Rush doesn’t live in Texas and secondly what a dumb move for the Republican Party.  Icky Ricky, serial politician, has practically no name recognition outside of Texas and the Republicans would carry Texas if Charles Manson was the nominee.  Let’s hope ole “Hair-do” throws his hat into the ring.  I would love for the national press to take a good look at what’s been happening in this state for the last eleven years.  

Wow, a different kind of Tea Party candidate has jumped into the running of the 45th Presidents Cup.  He is Harold Cain and he says he supports a strong national defense, opposes abortion, backs replacing the federal income tax with a national sales tax and favors a return to the gold standard.  Oh I’m not talking about that, that’s the same ole crap all the other Tea Partiers yammer about.  What I mean is, he is unlike anybody in the Tea Party.  He’s black

So Nitwit Gingrich has released a statement saying, “Any ad that quotes anything I said is a falsehood.”  You know, I believe he is right.  I don’t think Nitwit has ever said anything that was the truth.

The prison is Sugar Land known as the Central Unit is closing.  You know the state’s economy is in bad shape when you start laying off prisoners.

The wife of Strauss-Kahn’ the IMF chief who has been arrested on rape charges said, “I don’t believe for a single second the accusations of sexual assault by my husband.”  Isn’t that what Maria Shriver said in 2003 when Arnold was running for Governor?  Is this a page from the “Stand By Your Husband” manual or what?

Did you see the story about the woman who found a kidney donor for her mom on Facebook?  That is really cool.  I have come across a number of ladies who were willing to rent out certain body parts for a short period of time but never any donors.

One of my readers asked me, what position did the mother of Arnold’s love child perform in the Schwarzenegger household?  I believe she worked on his staff in the missionary position.

Harold (two strikes) Camping released a press statement saying the Apocalypse has been called off again.  He said that Jesus phoned and said that now they have hired Ashton Kutcher to take over Charlie Sheen’s role, he wants to see how the new season turns out.

Beer commercials have always depicted their customers as dumb but the new Busch ads have taken it to a new level.  It seems that their customers don’t have enough sense to know when the beer is cold, so Busch has a little label on the can that turns blue when the beer is cold. I can see a bunch of my old drinking buddies sitting around an ice cooler.  “Hey, is it cold yet?”  ….”Nope, the label hasn’t turned blue.”  “Damn. I’m thirsty”.

Conservative talk show host Michael Savage has been moaning and whining about why conservative talk show host like Rush, Beck, Sean Hannity  and himself never get invited to give commencement speeches at colleges.   Could it be that no one gives a shit about what ya’ll have to say?


Stay tuned for future adventures.