IOWA: The Center of Nowhere

The Freedom Summit, better known as Annual Meeting of the Liars Club, was held in Iowa this week.  I am pretty sure with all of the bullshit that was spewed over the weekend; Iowa’s sea level height was raised by at least ten feet.

Sarah (Half Assed Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin seems to be getting the most attention. Her teleprompter froze sending Sarah into a trance where she rambled incoherently one long sentence until she hyperventilated, put a paper bag over her head and ambled off into the sunset.  I’m not too sure about the hyperventilating and paper bag part.

 Excommunicated Speaker of the Penthouse, Newt (Which is Short For Nitwit) Gingrich tried to revive the already debunked Right-wing wacko smear about Hilary Clinton and Boko Haram.  The truth is some TeaNut overheard a staff member saying that one of Hilary’s favorite groups was Procol Harum whose hit was “A Whiter Shade of Pale.”

Head TeaNut wacko who hosted this total waste of time and breath was Iowa’s Congrssmoron Steve (I Never Met a Immigrant I Liked) King topped everyone by uttering in middle of his remarks that Americans  “come from every possible planet.”  If I had to guess which planet little Stevie was from, I would say it would be Uranus.

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry got heckled when he started speaking about immigration.  I assume they wanted him to migrate back to the Lone Star State.

Donald (Very Little Hair, Giant Ego) Trump told the fine folks of Iowa that he could have beat Obama in 2012 if he had stayed in the race. Yeah and I would have won the lottery last Saturday if I had picked the right numbers. I doubt little Donnie could win the super’s job at Trump Tower.




Stay tuned for future adventures.