Great Song...Great Story

I wanted to share this music video by Grady Champion with everyone.  Grady is great singer who is managed by a friend of mine.  The song is “Weight of the World” and is from Grady’s new album which will be released soon but, who I want to tell you about is Nicole Marquez. 

In August of 2008 Nicole was an aspiring young dancer who fell six floors from her apartment bldg. in NY. She lay for 8 hours before being found. Nicole broke her neck, back, pelvis and ribs. She also punctured a lung.

In the hospital Nicole endured multiple surgeries, a bout of pneumonia, and a series of mini-strokes. She was also on a ventilator for over two weeks.  She is back in her home in Jackson, Mississippi learning to walk again.

Nicole is the young lady in the video




BITS AND PIECES.

I just saw a survey where it reported that most of the “Birthers” (those bone heads who don’t think Obama was born in America) are the same people who still don’t believe we landed on the moon.  Isn’t that interesting?

Let’s lay the cards on the table.  The only way Obama will ever turn the “Birthers” and other Obama Haters around is to turn white.

Texas Congressman Ron Paul plans to announce on Tuesday in Iowa that he is forming a presidential exploratory committee. Ron is a doctor and that is code for him about to give the country a colonoscopy.

Oh boy we have a new Princess.   I always liked Princess Di but I have to admit my favorite English Princess has always been Elton John.

Charlie Sheen brought his sad little addicted ego (one Goddess short, seems one dumped him) to Houston this week and according to reviews was a big hit. I’m sorry but I think that says a lot more about Houston than Charlie.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Creepy People And It Is Not Even Halloween

Okay, I will no longer refer to the so called third political group as the Tea Party.  These boneheads have absolutely nothing in common with the folks who dumped some tea in Boston Harbor these many years ago.  From now until forever or until I think of another name, I will refer to these nitwits as the Kool-Aid party and boy have they been drinkin’ it.

The Kool-Aid party is what happens when the other two parties become so sleazy, greedy and self-serving that everybody finally realizes how horrible a job they are doing.  The Kool-Aid party could also be known as The Knee Jerk party, jerk being the operative word here. You see the first people to rush in the door when this vacuum is created are always the ones with least knowledge and experience but with the biggest mouth and ego.
 
They can also be referred to as The Fault Finder party.  They have no solutions, they just point out everything that is wrong. (In their eyes of course). Fault finding takes no talent, no creativity or knowledge of anything deeper than where they had their last meal.Their motto is "No."

The Kool-Aid party thinks that they are patriotic, religious, and all around good Americans.  They are in reality narrow minded, insecure, afraid of anything they don’t understand or doesn’t look like them and are actually sheep that can be led to slaughter with the simplest of ease, like a wink and a “You betcha.”. As Bill Mahr so eloquently states it, The Kool-Aid party is Corporate America’s useful idiots.   .   


Why is it that gas prices can go up overnight but take months for them to come back down?  Could it be the oil companies are doing a little price gouging?   YOU THINK?…. Exactly how can it be that when something happens in the Middle East, the oil that is in reserve, the gas that has already been refined, goes up the next day?  Yet, months after things cool down or change, we still are paying too much at the pump. 

And don’t give me that crap about how we don’t have a high tax on gas like Europe and they have been paying over $5 dollars a gallon for years,  I don’t care… I don’t live in Europe, it has nothing to do with me.  I live here and the damn gas is a scam.  The oil companies make billions, BILLIONS and I don’t see them giving back anything. 

In fact we give them all kinds of tax breaks and subsidies.  I wrote about this last month (In a post called The Gas Scam) about the paper traders who run up the price of oil and yet never actually take possession of a single drop of crude. 

It is price gouging and there are laws against that so why doesn’t someone (insert favorite politician here) have the balls to go after them?  You think maybe some of that oil money ends up in their bank account?


I am sure plenty of good hard working Texans were praying for rain over the last week-end because Gov. Rick (I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry asked them to. The sad truth is we didn’t even get heavy morning dew.

I think the good Lord was really busy.  Every player in the NFL, two NBA players, a race car driver and three baseball players thanked him for helping them win. Then there was some guy who finally passed his automatic transmission repair course test, a lady who won $10 dollars playing the lottery, and a kid who made it another week on American Idol who also gave him full credit.  Hey, he’s got his priorities….

Stay tuned for future adventures

Playing The Trump Card

I see where Donald Trump is at the top of a lot political polls these days.  Does the name, Rudolph W. Giuliani ring any bells? I still seriously doubt that The Don will actually run.  I believe he is only seeking the publicity.  Donald has zero experience in public affairs but tons of baggage. The only thing Trump brings to the table is unmitigated gall.

He has traditionally backed Democrats and recently he has decided to become a deficit hawk, yet he has a long history of using Chapter 11.  Here is an example of how Mr Trump takes care of debt. Donald failed to pay a $40m loan to Deutsche Bank  arguing that the 2008 financial crisis was an Act of God,  In 2009, his Trump Entertainment Resorts filed for bankruptcy. I guess God isn’t into gambling either.

He has flip-flopped on every subject thrown his way in the last few months and in this day in time when every utterance and statement is captured; he will become an even bigger laughing stock in the public arena. Let’s look at what he has said so far.

In February 2009,  Trump embraced Obama’s efforts to cap the salaries of Wall Street executives whose companies were receiving government support, saying “he’s absolutely right” to institute salary limits.

In an interview on CNN in 2009 when asked about President Obama, Donald Trump said,“I really like him. We'll have to see how he does. On a personal basis, I like him.” In March of 2009, Trump said, “I think we have a president who is working very hard and trying very hard. He inherited a mess.”

You will notice that he never brought up the subject of Obama’s birth certificate until a few weeks ago.  When on ABC’s Good Morning America this week, George Steponpolis asked Trump who the investigators were that Trump had used to ferret out this information, Trump said, “None of your business.”  Actually I think it is.

Recently when asked about President Obama, Mr Trump said, “the worst president ever.”   In March of 2007, Donald said, “I think Bush is probably the worst president in the history of the United States.”

Seems The Donald had a Palin moment in his latest interview.  He didn’t know Roe vs Wade is based on “right of privacy.”   The Don also was Pro-Choice for many years, but has now decided he is Pro-Life. I would say that decision was a political one rather than change of heart. His three marriages and the fact that he was inducted into the Gaming Hall of Fame in 1995 may be a harder sell to the Family Values bunch.
Don’t you like a guy that’s decisive and sticks to his opinions no matter what? 

Donald Trump is not a self made millionaire, his father was. The reason Mr. Trump is seeking all of this publicity is that he makes most of his money from branding his name.  He licenses his name to all kinds of things but actually has nothing to do with them.  He has admitted this in numerous articles and interviews. 

Here is a man who has an unquenchable thirst for the spotlight yet is so insecure he sports the world’s worst comb-over to hide his baldness. You would think he could afford a toupee.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Earth Day: Let's Dig Some Dirt

• Today is Earth Day, a day devoted to cleaning up the environment.  A good way to help noise pollution would be to tape Donald Trump and Charlie Sheen mouths shut.   

• Charlie Sheen took his sad little show of addicted behavior to Washington D.C. this week and told everybody he was born right here in America.  I have serious doubts about that.  I’m pretty sure ole Charlie is from Neptune.

• Greg Mortenson, author of “Three Cups of Tea” and the head of Central Asia Institute, the non-profit (Because the profit went right into Greg’s pocket) charity that he founded, has been hospitalized.  Yeah, getting nailed by “60 Minutes” about lying about your so-called true life experiences and scamming folks out of millions of dollars for non-existent schools would tend to make one sick. 

• Lady GaGa went on a foul mouthed rant during an interview when she was asked about ripping off one of Madonna’s songs.  I was going to say that Lady GaGa really showed her ass but then I realized she has done that in every video she has made.

• An Oregon death row inmate is mounting an aggressive behind-bars campaign to donate his organs after he’s executed, in part to repay society for the gruesome murders of his wife and three young children.  How nice…Obviously he doesn’t have a heart and if I were them, I would pass on the brain.

• April 20th has evolved into a counterculture holiday, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis (that’s pot for you folks not high) When I asked a friend who partakes of the wacky weed if he celebrated 4/20 yesterday?  After a long pause he said, “I don’t remember.”

• Oh boy, an exciting new name is in the race for President.  Former Republican Governor of New Mexico Gary (4/20) Johnson, (he’s pro pot), has thrown his hat into the ring and guess what?  He says we need lower taxes and less spending.  Wow, isn’t it refreshing to hear a Republican say something diff…Wait a minute, that’s the same ole tired crap….Is there a Republican anywhere on the planet that has something new to say?…I don’t think so..

• Governor Rick (is my hair-do on fire yet?) Perry is asking that everyone pray for rain.  I’ll be glad to give it a shot but I’ve been praying for that dip-shit to move to Alaska for years so I don’t know if the good Lord is tuned to Texas or not.

Stay tuned for future adventures

Hump Day

 

• Charlie Sheen loses his custody battle.  An L.A. judge has ruled that Charlie is no longer in control of his brain.

• Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen’s ex is in rehab.  Damn, there goes the Family of the Year award.

• I see where Governor Rick(I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry has declared Texas a disaster area because of all the wild fires.  It’s about time as these fires have really been destructive.  Of course there are many of us who declared Texas a disaster area the day he was elected.

• The Hoover Company is very upset that ABC is canceling the soaps “One Life To Live” and “All My Children.”  They released a press statement saying “This really sucks.”

• I haven’t received any money scam emails from Nigeria lately but I did get one from Egypt this week wanting me to invest.  I didn’t.  I’m pretty sure it was a pyramid scheme. Also if you receive an email from Henry Winkler to invest, beware, it could be a Fonzie scheme.

• An air traffic controller has been suspended for watching a movie when he was supposed to be monitoring aircraft.  Well at least he was awake… 

• New research suggests that cursing actually does help dull our perception of pain. I have found this to be true.  I can look at a picture of  “Dubya”, former Vice-President Darth Cheney, Donald Dumbfield,  Nitwit Gingrich, Sarah Pa-lying, Rush Slimebaugh, Rick (I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry, John (Its my party, I’ll cry if I want to) Boehner, Glen (I can out cry John Boehner any day of the week) Beck, Donald (I may have a tiny brain but I have a gigantic ego) Trump or anybody in the Tea Party and say “What a bunch of fucking assholes” and feel better instantly.

 Stay tuned for future adventures

Monday Morning Musings

Governor Rick (Pretty Boy) Perry, who turned down $430 million causing thousands of teachers to lose jobs, and the fine folks on the Spring Branch School board must be related.

The Spring Branch board voted last week to eliminate 350 positions, including about 105 teachers, but word is that they gave Superintendent Duncan Klussmann a $50,000 dollar bonus.  Isn’t that nice?  Poor ole Dunk only makes $240,000 a year.  Your tax dollars at work. Lol 

The only thing the Republicans and Tea Partiers can yammer about is cutting taxes and yet a new report out says the super rich pay a lot less taxes than they did a couple of decades ago and nearly half of U.S. households pay no income taxes at all.


The Feds are cracking down on internet gambling. Eleven people, including the owners of Full Tilt Poker, Absolute Poker and PokerStars, were charged with violating U.S. anti-Internet gambling laws. Now tell me again the difference between Wall Street and all other forms of gambling? Isn’t gambling, gambling?

 Bits and Pieces

• Here is a headline for you…..WASHINGTON — Americans are paying more for food and gas.  YOU THINK!!!

• The FFA is finally getting a handle on the air controllers falling asleep on the job.  They are putting cots in the control tower.

• You do realize that if Donald Trump does decide to run for President, he will ask that thing on his head to be his running mate.

• I think it is odd that Trump is a birther.  I’m pretty sure Donald wasn’t born here…He was hatched. I’m not sure about that thing on his head but I think we should see its birth certificate.

• Having a real estate mogul like Trump being President could be interesting.  He says he thinks he can get a great deal on the White House.

Today's good read is The White League by Thomas Zigal. This is a well crafted story about New Orleans in the 1990's.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

All Fired Up

Hundreds of students walked out of Morton Ranch High school in the Katy School District in protest of teachers being laid off. Good for them. The teachers were pulled out of class, fired and then sent back into classroom which was a very upsetting situation for both the kids and the teachers. Katy ISD officials said it was standard procedure to give layoff notification during work hours. 

So the administrators couldn’t wait until the end of the day to do their dirty work?

"They're seeing firsthand where a budget situation in Austin on the state level is impacting the teachers that they love and they hate to see go," school district spokesman Steve Stanford said. "We understand that emotion, the superintendent understands that emotion and, in fact, he shares that emotion." 

Well no, Steve, you and your dipshit superintendent obviously don’t understand. Why aren’t boneheads like you losing your job instead of teachers?


Here is a pinhead politician who deserves to lose his gig.

Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker made a little trip to Washington this week and spoke to the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee.  When asked how much did weakening government workers' collective bargaining rights save the state of Wisconsin?  He replied that it doesn’t save any.  In earlier testimony he had said that it would save the state $700 million dollars.  Wow, that is a little more than small discrepancy. I would say that you make Pinocchio look like a dummy.

There are of course plenty of Wall Street bankers and money managers, who should have lost their gigs or gone to jail, but here it is several years after the financial crisis, which was caused in large part by reckless lending and excessive risk taking by major financial institutions, and no senior executives have been charged or imprisoned. I guess crime does pay.

Let’s not forget about sports figures.

And finally,  Kobe Bryant, part-time basketball player and full-time jerk.  But I’m sure none of these fine folks will be losing their gigs anytime soon.  The old adage, “Shit rises to the top,” couldn’t apply to a better bunch.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Real Queen Of The Tea Party

When the Tea Party first steeped from under a rock, I thought it had to do with the Boston Tea Party, but as the stupid signs (Take America Back and I’m Tea Bagging for Jesus) popped up, I became convinced it was the Mad Hatter from the tea party in Alice in Wonderland.  Wrong again, and guess what, the real Queen of the Tea Party is not Sarah Palin after all but Ayn Rand.

If you are not familiar with Ms Rand, she was born and raised in Russia and after coming to America became a novelist and pseudo-philosopher.  Her best known works are “The Fountainhead” and “Atlas Shrugged.”

Now I get it who Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan and most of his fellow Tea Partiers think has caused the real problems in our country.  It’s the poor people. Yes sir it is those evil poor people who are wrecking havoc on America.  The Tea Partiers and Congressman Ryan are big fans of Ayn Rand, especially “Atlas Shrugged” a work of fiction that Ms. Rand describes as the demonstration of a new moral philosophy: the morality of rational self-interest. Ms. Rand believed and expounded on the theory that the capitalists were the producers and that the worker-bees were useless parasites.

The thing that jumps out at you in Congressman Ryan’s just released “Path to Prosperity” manifesto, are that most of these polices, such as his extremely boneheaded health care policy, will make even more people poor. I guess there is only so much room at the top.   

Here is another contradiction in the life of conservative Republican Ryan.  Every policy change of the last decade that INCREASED the deficit (the Medicare prescription-drug benefit, the Bush tax cuts, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan) good ole conservative Ryan voted FOR.

Ryan also claims that his “Path to Prosperity” budget manifesto is geared to reduce the debt;  however most of these policies have nothing to do with reducing the deficit and will actually  increase it.. The bottom line is that the poorest Americans would suffer from instant explicit budget cuts.  The biggest section of the country, the middle class, would face uncertain reductions in benefits in the distant future and the richest Americans would enjoy an immediate windfall. Business as usual.

AND HERE IN GOOD OLE TEXAS

Teachers getting pink slips can thank Governor Rick Hairdo. Part of the state’s budget problems are because Mr. Perry refused stimulus money from the Federal Government. He only turned his nose up at $830 million dollars.  Hairdo said strings were attached that he didn’t like. If I were a teacher I would want to string him up.

After a night of deep pondering, it is evident that NASA was way more pissed off about us tearing down Astroworld than I thought


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Corporate Tax Dance

All we have heard out of Washington D.C. for months is the spewing all of the gloom and doom of no money and the high deficit, the high deficit that most of these same politicians had a big hand in. Of course the real fighting over the budget doesn’t have anything to do with money.  It’s all about politics and social issues.  Issues that don’t have a damn thing to do with running the country like Planned Parenthood, funding NPR, to name a few. These are cuts that won’t make a pittance of difference in the budget; they are just things that some politicians don’t like.

Now while the slugs in the capitol were pandering to their big donors, this was happening in the corporate world. In the fourth quarter, profits at American businesses were up an astonishing 29.2 percent, the fastest growth in more than 60 years. Collectively, American corporations logged profits at an annual rate of $1.678 trillion.  Where in the HELL is the great trickled down effect?  Or could it be that the trickle down effect is another fat lie told to the worker bees?
 
Another fabrication that is being sold to the masses is how high the corporate tax rate is.  By law, the corporate tax rate is quite high, higher than most other countries, but the truth is most of these companies don’t pay the rate and are actually paying very little in taxes.  They have figured out every loop hole from here to China.  For example, GE America's largest corporation made 5.1 billion this year and isn't paying a dime in taxes. As I said a couple of weeks ago, there is over a trillion dollars overseas, sitting in European banks that American companies have made, but don’t bring back here because they would have to pay taxes on it.

And what are they doing with all that money? Well here is where a lot of it goes, CEO salaries.  How does this grab you?  H  Philippe P. Dauman of Viacom made $84.5 million in just nine months.  Exactly what does a person do to earn that kind of money? You know if the asshole came up with a cure for cancer, I might not call him an asshole.

Lawrence J. Ellison of Oracle, the software giant, was second in earnings with a $70.1 million payout, though that is down 17 percent from 2009. Still, Mr. Ellison’s fortunes are just fine: he had more than $26.3 billion in stock and other holdings in Oracle in 2010. Gosh, glad to hear it.

Here are a number of other guys who are not worrying about paying the rent or how they are going to feed their family.  John F. Lundgren, chief executive of Stanley Black & Decker, whose pay rose 253 percent, to $32.57 million, after a huge stock award. His counterpart at Emerson Electric, David N. Farr, saw his pay rise 233 percent, to $22.9 million, also because he was granted millions in stock. The median pay for top executives at 200 major companies was $9.6 million last year.

These guys may be making elephant bucks but what they are not doing however, is hiring. Unemployment, although down from its peak, stood at 8.8 percent in March. And few economists predict the jobless rate will drop substantially anytime soon.

Bottom line is as long as our politicians are tied to corporate money, this same little song and dance will continue in Washington D.C.

Today's good read is Devil Red by Joe R. Lansdale.  The is an excellent little murder mystery set in East Texas with two great lead characters.  The author is from just up the road in Nacogdoches, TX



Stay tuned for future adventures

April Daze

April is a pretty big month for me and not because it is National Welding Month or International Guitar Month.  Don’t get me wrong, those are big events for me too but I was born in April and so was my sister and my granddaughter. 

This year there is a really big date to remember.  No not April 15, that is a date we would all like to forget.  April19 is hiring day at McDonald’s and they are planning on putting on 50.000 new workers.  You see, McDonald’s would like to change McJob to McCareer.  Hey, I’m all for it so I have been practicing up.

.

•  “Would you like fries with that?”,

•  “Howdy pardner, would you like for me to saddle up some fries for ya ?”

• “Yo, dude, fries or what?”

• “Oh my God these fries are sooo you!.”

•  “Ya’ll like some fries to go with that other crap ya’ll ordered/” 

• “You look like you could use a couple more pounds. How 'bout some fries?”

• “You will never believe it but we are over stocked on fries and I can make you a one time deal….Today only.”

• “Our fries are real heart stoppers.”

• “HOT FRIES, GET YOUR HOT FRIES HERE!”

•  “Hey, you know what would go great with that strawberry sundae?  FRIES!”

•  “Our fries are actually cooked in France and shipped here overnight.” 

• “You’re not having fries?  Are you un-American or what?”

• “Ummmm, I’m the fry-master.”

• “Monsieur would yu like zee fries?”

• “I’m lovin’ it…I’m lovin’ fries, how 'bout you?  Do you feel the love?”

• “Would you like some more grease with that burger?’ How bout some fries?”

Please feel free to add you contributions as I need all the help I can get before the 19th.






Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just A Few Things To Think About

So the Tea Partiers and Republicans are so dedicated to cutting the federal budget they are willing to shut down the Government.  This is all about cutting the public deficit which the Republicans were as complicit as the Democrats in running up to $1.5 trillion. Here is the part I don’t understand.  Shutting down the Government cost the taxpayers (Duh, I believe that is you and me) a lot of money.  When the Republicans shut down the Government in 1996 for 26 days it cost the taxpayers $1.4 billion dollars. I’m pretty sure today it will cost quite a bit more.

Transocean Ltd. gave its top executives bonuses for achieving the "best year in safety performance in our company's history" despite the explosion of its oil rig that killed 11 people, including nine of its own employees, and spilled 200 million gallons of oil into the Gulf of Mexico.  If this is their best year, I hate to see what the worse year looked like.

The top six executives at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac received $35.4 million over a two year period. Since Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were taken over in September 2008, the companies’ mounting mortgage losses have required a $153 billion infusion from taxpayers.  Total losses may reach $363 billion through 2013, according to government estimates.  Man, why can’t I get a gig like that?  I can screw things up as well as the next guy and for less money.  I would have done it for half that.

And speaking of money, guess who is footing the bill for Nitwit Gingrich’s Presidential campaign?  It seems Gingrich’s financial angel is the publicity-shy Sheldon Adelson, chairman of the Las Vegas Sands Corp.  Adelson is a billionaire casino mogul whose business empire stretches from the Palazzo on Las Vegas’s famous Strip to the Chinese gambling hub of Macau.  So far Adelson has pumped about 7 million into Nitwit’s pocket.

I am pretty sure ole Nitwit’s conservative Christian faithful are not aware of this little tidbit or even know who Sheldon Adelson is, but it seems the Government is certainly interested in Mr. Adelson’s affairs. The Justice Department and the Securities and Exchange Commission have opened investigations for possible violations of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act and Nevada and Hong Kong regulators have opened their own probes, according to company disclosures.

I wonder if ole Nitwit said anything to folks when he spoke at the Conservative Principles Conference Saturday, March 26, 2011, in Des Moines, Iowa. I am willing to bet that subject somehow slipped his mind.

Today's good read is An Empty Death by Laura Wilson.  An excellent murder mystery set in World War II London.



 Stay tuned for future adventures

April 1st. National Politicians Day

Today is April Fools Day or as I like to call it, National Politician Day.  Today we get to talk like a politician all day.  It’s sorta like, "Talk Like a Pirate Day" except you get to "Talk Like a Politician."  You get to say things like this:

• “Hi, I’m Sarah Palin.  You can see Russia from my front porch.  I think that’s Russia, although it doesn’t look very red does it?  Anyway I also would like to go on record as saying I think Kim Jon il is a terrible dictator and I feel sorry for all the poor people having to live under his rein in North Dakota.”

• “Hello, I’m Michael Bachman, Republican Representative from Minnesota.  I would just like to thank John Quincy Adams for not only brewing a great beer, but for writing the Emancipation Proclamation freeing the Indians and for signing the Contract With America.”

• “Hi I’m Newt Gingrich, a true, family-values person and I have a number of families to prove it. I am currently on marriage number three and I’m still in the prime of my life, so who knows. I could break Larry King’s record yet.” 

• “Hello there, I’m George W. Bush and I would just like to say, fool me once and I might forget it, but fool me twice and I uh, let’s see, fool me twice and I er, uh ….I will be dubya mad.  Get it; I said dubya instead of double…Made that one up myself.” (Smirk and stupid head nod goes here.)

• “I’m Richard Nixon and I’m not a crook.  I’m a liar and a creep; you can tell that by looking at me, but I’m not a crook.  Crooks carry guns and wear a mask. Well, the Lone Ranger carried a gun and wore a mask and he wasn’t a crook, but he was the exception.  Although now that I think of it, his best friend was an Indian. Ok so I’m a racist, but I’m not a crook.”

• “Hey there, I’m Donald Rumsfield.  There are known knowns.  There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns and then there is the fact that I know absolutely nothing about anything.  So no, I don’t know, but when you go to a press conference, you go with what you’ve got, or was that when you go to war?”

• “Hi there, I’m John McCain and I have served our country in every war since the Civil War and I'm proud of it. If fact I just got back from my third deployment to Iraq last night.  I would just like to say to all of the wonderful people of this great country, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE forgive me for introducing Sarah Palin to the world.  I’m not a maverick; I’m senile…Why else would I choose that pinhead to be my running mate?”

• “I’m Tom DeLay one of the most powe….what? ..Tom DeLay, that’s T  O  M  big D ..little e…What? No I’m not from Dallas…I’m from Sugar Land and I’m one the biggest Republican polit….What? No, I was House Majority Whip not Dip…Look I’m a really powerful…Oh forget it!  Just tell me which cell is mine.”

• “Hello, I’m Ronald Reagan, you probably remember me from TV or B-movies, but my real claim to fame is my supply-side economic policies which I called Reaganomics.  Of course they were a complete disaster for the country and led to the giant recession we just went through but I personally made a boat load of money.  Why do you think I called them “Reaganomics instead of Americanomics?”

• “Hello I’m Dick Cheney. Screw you.”

Stay tuned for future adventures.