John (It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to) Boehner was sworn in as Weeper of the House today. He said now that he is head of the House of Representatives; he would have to give up his gig as spokesperson for Darque Tan tanning salons. I believe he is the first person of color to be the speaker of the House. The color orange that is.
After seeing the list of winners on the People’s Choice awards, I am pretty sure only three people actually voted and one of those is an recluse who doesn’t read the paper or own a tv and the last time he went to the movies was 1956..
Here is a headline that will get your attention. Banned Four Loko gets new use as auto fuel. Now we know why this stuff got you up and running. Gee wonder why the FDA took it off the market as an energy drink?
Lindsay Lohan's attorney insists the 24-year-old actress didn't drink alcohol or do drugs during her 90-day stint at the Betty Ford rehab center. When asked about the assault and battery charges filed after an altercation with a rehab worker, she said, “ Well, Lindsay can be a pretty mean bitch when she’s sober.”
The 112th Congress has been in session almost 48 hours and I haven’t seen any change yet. What are these guys waiting for? Oh yeah, they are already working the phones to get re-elected.
This is pretty scary. Tea Party favorite Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota has gotten a post on the Intelligence committee. I think the first thing they will need to do is talk real slow during the meetings.
The Pope has cleared up the single biggest mystery of our existence. He announced today that God was behind the The Big Bang. Man, that Pope guy knows everything. I’ll bet he even knows the ingredients to the Colonel’s secret recipe.
The thought for the day. When Captain Kirk said, “To go where man has never gone before.” Was he talking about peeing in space?
Stay tuned for future adventures……..
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