What's So Super About The Super Bowl?

I know I have touched on this before but its Super Bowl week so let’s talk about it some more. I am pretty sure every other story on the net and in the news will be about the Super Bowl this week, so what’s one more take on it.

The 45th Super Bowl is coming up in Dallas this week-end and here is my recollection of the past 44 that have taken place. Maybe two were really great games and another three or four were good. The rest have been mediocre at best, either one sided or just plain boring. Let’s face it; the biggest thing to happen in 44 years at the Super Bowl was Janet Jackson’s right tit.

Here is what it cost to take in the Super Bowl in person. The lowest priced ticket available on Stub Hub, an online ticket exchange service, on Sunday was $2,194 although you can soak up the local atmosphere watching on a big screen in the Party Plaza for $340. Parking is running as high as nine hundred dollars to fifty dollars. Well hell, I think I’ll take the whole neighborhood.

How about the TV commercial with the guys who have been to every Super Bowl? Especially the hump who says he has missed weddings, special occasions and kids being born. I know his family is proud of him.

While we are on this subject let’s talk about the World Series, an event that only features teams from the United States and Canada. At best you could call it the North American Championship, but World Series is a pretty big stretch. It’s not like nobody else plays baseball either, it is played all over the world. They just don’t have the supply of steroids like we do.

The closest to a World Series is the World Cup which has soccer teams competing from 32 countries around the world. The big problem with soccer is that we didn’t invent it.

The Miss America pageant has contestants from all 50 states, not just the Southwest or Northeast. Unlike the Miss Universe contest which only features entries from one planet. I’ll bet the ladies from Saturn are stunning and you know the women of Mercury are hot. I mean really hot.

The real Super Bowl of course is the WTBA Tenpin Bowling Championship. It’s held every two years and bowlers from all over the world compete. I think it is in Topeka this year at the Bowl-O-Roma. Of course it doesn’t have cheerleaders, TV or multi-million dollar commercials, thousands of sports pundits, analyst, commentators and fans and I will admit that picking up a seven ten split in the 8th frame just doesn’t have the same tension that third and long with a minute left in a tie game carries, but they have great shoes.

Here's today's good read is Galveston by Nic Pizzolatto. This is a pretty dark tale but very well written.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just When You Thought They Couldn't Get Any Dumber

Oh my god, we have a Sarah Palin clone and she may even know less about the world and politics than Sarah. I know, I didn’t think that was possible either. Rep. Michele Bachmann from Minnesota gave the Tea Party response to Obama’s State of the Union address the other night. You might not have seen it. The major networks didn't carry it. It was on the Cartoon Network. What an idiot. I’m still laughing. She looked at the wrong camera the entire time but what she was saying was so out of whack that it didn’t make any difference.

Evidently Mrs Bachmann thinks that John Quincy Adams was a founding father and that the founding fathers were responsible for abolishing slavery. She must not have got the memo that many of the founding fathers were slave owners and that the Emancipation Proclamation wasn’t unit 1863. Here’s the cool part, if John Q. was a founding father, he would have been nine years old when he signed the Declaration of Independence. I’m not sure where Congress woman Bachmann went to school, but… wait I take that back, I’m not sure she went to school.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Scientist are saying that Castration can help reindeer deal with the climate changes. Well maybe so but if that doesn’t turn Rudolf’s nose off, I don’t know what will.

The Spanish cycling federation (RFEC) has decided to suspend Tour de France champion Alberto Contador for one year over his failed doping test in the 2010 race, El Pais reported on Wednesday. I believe now every person who has ever competed in the Tour de France has been caught using drugs…..except for Lance Armstrong. Isn’t that amazing? I think maybe Lance will turn out to be the Bernie Madoff of cycling.

The question of the day. Does Jerry Bruckheimer produce every show on TV?


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Some Things That Ran Through My Brain And Came Out My Computer

When President Hu of China was asked last week why he decided to visit America, he said, “Like any good landlord, I’m just inspecting my property.”

Speaking of the Chinese President, how do we know that was the real President Hu and not a counterfeit?

The F.B.I. arrested 127 members of the mob last week and not one Soprano. Man, that Tony is good.

Radio shrink, Dr. Laura said she left the regular waves of radio and moved to satellite radio because she was afraid of being assassinated. Not only a dumb thing to say after the Arizona situation but does she think satellite radio just goes out to folks living in outer space.
Dr. Laura joins Sarah Palin in the world of great contortionist by being able to stick her foot in her mouth and her head up her ass at the same time.

I am beginning my 22nd year without a drink, which I am very proud of, but what I am really thrilled about is that I am beginning my tenth year of not watching American Idol.

The winner of the CBS reality show "Big Brother 9 was sentenced to four years in federal prison on drug trafficking and tax charges. He was arrested for attempting to sell 2,000 Oxycontin pills. If Rush has sounded a little sluggish lately on the radio, this may be the reason why.

A California elementary school teacher has been suspended indefinitely after school officials said a pair of second-graders performed sex acts in class with the teacher present, San Francisco media reported Friday. I’m all for sex education but this seems a little extreme.

I’m assuming the War on Drugs is not going well since there is a drug store on every corner.

The only thing that stays in Vegas is your money.

Today's good read is The Confession by John Grisham. This one takes on the Texas justice system. Or I should say, takes it apart.





Stay tuned for more adventures.

They May Be Talking, But We're Not Listening

I wrote this column last year for another blog that I write for and with all the talk that is going on today I thought I would recycle it on my blog with some updates. To think that the tragedy in Arizona happened because of talk radio is ridiculous and here is why.


I want to talk about talk radio. If you were to believe all the stories and articles that appear constantly in the news and on the net, one would think that the entire world is listening to talk radio and watching them on TV. Fortunately this is not the case; in fact it is not even close.

Let’s take a look at the ratings. First of all, Rush Limbaugh claims to have 18 million listeners. This is a totally made up number. Since Rush is syndicated and runs on different stations and at different times in every city, there is no way to actually know the number of people listening. The syndication people who own Rush’s show, Premier Radio needed a number to sell the show to advertisers and this is the number they came up with.

This made-up number is probably much higher than the number of actual listeners but we will give ole Rush the benefit of the doubt. Ok, so they say 18 million people are listening Rush shoot his mouth off. Here is the real number to remember: 292 million. That is how many people are NOT LISTENING to Rush. Think about it. The truth is a tiny fraction of people are actually listening. The same with Glen Beck, approximately 306 million NEVER watch his TV show. The same numbers apply to Sean Hannity and Bill O’Reilly. The vast majority of the people in this country NEVER see or hear any of these blowhards.

According to the latest ratings, Katie Couric who is in third place behind NBC and ABC and has been since day one, has twice as many viewers as Bill O’Rielly and Glen Beck combined.

So why are they always in the news? Very simple. The media is an incestuous business. Their main agenda is to keep promoting themselves. They want you to think that, you the public, are listening, involved, angry, and enjoying all this bullshit that is being bandied about. That keeps them, The Media, the center of the universe. It is a legitimate business and that is the key thing to remember here. They are in business to make money and they do that very well; they are not here to inform, help, or make the world a better place.

A great example of the mentality behind the microphone in most of talk radio today happened this week. Radio shrink, Dr. Laura said she left the regular waves of radio and moved to satellite radio because she was afraid of being assassinated. Not only a dumb thing to say after the Arizona situation but does she think satellite radio just goes out to folks living in outer space? Dr. Laura joins Sarah Palin in the world of great contortionist by being able to stick her foot in her mouth and her head up her ass at the same time.

This is America where anyone can go on a radio or TV show and say any stupid thing they want. We can also choose not listen or watch. The agenda for all of these shows is to inflame not inform. They need controversy or they don’t survive and they need you to believe everyone is listening.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Pondering, Musing And Meditating

Rick Perry was sworn in as Governor this week. I know there was a lot swearing around my house about it.

Former Vice-President, Darth Cheney was on the Today show talking about his new heart pump. I thought you had to have a heart for one of those things to work.

Wow, Houston is listed as one of America’s most affordable cities. I didn’t even know it was for sale.

Update on Political Party symbols

Republican…..Elephant

Democrat…....Donkey

Tea Party…….Daffy Duck

Reince Priebus is the new head of the Republican National Party. Now there is a name you can wrap your tongue around. It sounds like something Harry Potter would say to get a spell started.

Now that Kay Bailey Hutchison is not going run for re-election, I keep hearing people say they wonder what she is going to do next? She has never done ANYTHING as long as I’ve known of her, why should she start now?

Poor Haiti….earthquakes, hurricanes, cholera, and all they can get to show up is Sarah Palin and a “Baby Doc.”

The Walgreen’s down the street from me has really been pushing their flu shots. I told them no thanks, but if they ever start doing tequila shots, let me know.


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Sign, Sign, Everywhere A Sign

There are some folks out there who have really had their world rocked. I’m not sure if they can get up out of bed to face another day. Their life has suddenly been turned upside down. No, I’m not talking about the Atlanta Falcons who I have to admit got their ass handed to em’ by the Green Bay Packers. I’m talking about all the fine folks who believe in astrology.

What if you had been a mean-spirited, narrow minded Republican as long as you can remember and suddenly you find out that you are Democrat? Or you have been a Hatfield your entire life and you wake up and you are a McCoy? Well that is what has happened to folks living their lives as an Aires and suddenly find they are now a Pisces. Whoa buddy….How do you deal with that?

It seems that the earth has a wobble in it’s treck around the sun and through the years it is in a little different place in relationship with the stars and the sun. You see astrology is based on the sun passing through the twelve different constellations in sky. Of course there are actually between thirteen and twenty four constellations that the sun passes through but since that didn’t work well with a twelve month calendar, the astrologers just dealt with twelve of them. Gee, think that might have been a mistake?

It seems to me if the whole premise of the science had a major flaw from the get go, they could sorta overlook the fact that the earth has moved a little bit. I think I know why the earth has a little wobble to it. Look how many more people are walking around on it now as opposed to three thousand years ago. I’m sure science will back me up on this.

With all of this turmoil going on, I understand they have decided to change your daily horoscope to horriblescope. Think of the problems in the bar scene now when some guy ask a girl what her sign is. Instead of her usual response, “Trespassers Will Be Shot.” She will look confused and say “I’m not sure.”

Remember the year of the rabbit begins in February. I predict a population explosion for 2012. If you have any questions about science or the future of the world, please feel free to contact me…..Just not before noon.


Today's good read is Moonlight Mile
by Dennis Lehane. This is an excellent sequel to his book Gone,Baby Gone


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Telephone Or Tale of Phone?

Have you noticed that keeping up with the Jones’ is getting harder? I can remember when my phone was….just a phone. You know average, normal, ordinary….pretty much a plain old phone. Not anymore; now there are "Smart Phones". Is your phone as smart as your neighbors phone? Did your neighbor’s phone go to a better school? Here's the real question: Is your phone as smart as a fifth grader?

These are questions that I am having a problem answering. The one thing that I am pretty sure of is that the IQ of your phone is directly tied to how much you paid for it.

I made the mistake of not reading the fine print and I bought a "Smart Ass Phone". When I try to check my messages, it laughs and says “Who are you kidding? You have no friends.” Instead of a ring tone, when I get a call it says, “Wow, look who got a call. Don’t worry about it. It’s probably a wrong number.” I have also noticed when it gets tired it just quits in the middle of a call.

I have noticed one thing when I’m with someone who has a smart phone. They can play games, sometimes with other people, and they can calculate their earnings on Wall St. Also they can take pictures or videos to send all over the world and text everyone on the planet. Not only that, they have a couple hundred apps so they can check on everything happening in the universe at that time. The one thing they don’t seem to be able to do very often, is make a PHONE CALL. Isn’t that interesting?

I will have to say I have met a number of people lately that have smart phones and my impression was, their phone was quite a bit smarter than they were.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bowled Over

Another Bowl season has come and gone and without my participation. There were too many to choose from, so I chose none. When I was growing up there was only four major college bowl games and a few minor ones. The Rose Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Orange Bowl and Sugar Bowl. And that is what they were called The Rose Bowl, The Cotton Bowl, etc, not the Citi-Rose Bowl or AT&T Cotton Bowl and so on.

I understand there is a lot of money to be had in selling the sponsorship to a bowl game but there are a lot companies that could be perfect sponsors as opposed to what’s happening now. It should be The Tropicana Orange Bowl, Haines Cotton Bowl and Imperial Pure Cane Sugar Bowl to name a few. I am surprised that we don’t have The Campbell Soup Bowl or The Tidy Bow. Oh well, maybe next year.

Also the number of college bowl games has increased quite a bit. I believe there were approximately 213 this year. That seems a tad much. I had never heard of a number of these bowls or the schools playing in them. There was a bowl featuring the Mississippi Police Academy vs the Sarasota Clown College. That seemed like a pretty good match up to me.

There was a bowl featuring the Smithville Correspondence School. I figured that would be a bore. I mean if anybody was going to just mail it in, it would be this bunch. There was a bowl with the Gatesville Reform School vs the Monet School of Art. This sounded like it could get ugly fast. Also a bowl featuring the Mrs. Tate’s Finishing School vs Houston Beauty College didn’t strike me as a slug fest. Another good match up was a North Carolina Law School vs Palin’s School of Dance.

Of course now we have the 45th Super Bowl coming up in Dallas. Out of the 44 previous Super Bowls, I think there may have been one or two you could call Super and about four or five that you might say were really good. Maybe they should rethink the name.



And now for something completely different…….


Did you read about the 36 year old woman who flew across the country to have sex with a 13 year old boy? How does that happen? When I was 13, I couldn’t get a girl to walk across the street to say hello if I had hundred dollar bills taped to my body.


Swarms of birds falling out of the sky does not mean the end of the world….. Well it does for the birds….


Today's good read is Specific Impulse
by Charles Justiz. This is a Sci-fi thriller in the Michael Creighton mode.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

All The News That's Fit To Print and Some That's Not

John (It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to) Boehner was sworn in as Weeper of the House today. He said now that he is head of the House of Representatives; he would have to give up his gig as spokesperson for Darque Tan tanning salons. I believe he is the first person of color to be the speaker of the House. The color orange that is.

After seeing the list of winners on the People’s Choice awards, I am pretty sure only three people actually voted and one of those is an recluse who doesn’t read the paper or own a tv and the last time he went to the movies was 1956..

Here is a headline that will get your attention. Banned Four Loko gets new use as auto fuel. Now we know why this stuff got you up and running. Gee wonder why the FDA took it off the market as an energy drink?

Lindsay Lohan's attorney insists the 24-year-old actress didn't drink alcohol or do drugs during her 90-day stint at the Betty Ford rehab center. When asked about the assault and battery charges filed after an altercation with a rehab worker, she said, “ Well, Lindsay can be a pretty mean bitch when she’s sober.”

The 112th Congress has been in session almost 48 hours and I haven’t seen any change yet. What are these guys waiting for? Oh yeah, they are already working the phones to get re-elected.

This is pretty scary. Tea Party favorite Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota has gotten a post on the Intelligence committee. I think the first thing they will need to do is talk real slow during the meetings.

The Pope has cleared up the single biggest mystery of our existence. He announced today that God was behind the The Big Bang. Man, that Pope guy knows everything. I’ll bet he even knows the ingredients to the Colonel’s secret recipe.

The thought for the day. When Captain Kirk said, “To go where man has never gone before.” Was he talking about peeing in space?



Stay tuned for future adventures……..

New Stuff For The New Year

Today is National Festival of Sleep Day. I was going to tell everybody about it earlier so that you could sleep in today but I overslept. Coming up Friday though is National Old Rock day. Old Rock Day is an opportunity to enjoy and appreciate old rocks and fossils. Perhaps you can start a rock collection. I have a pretty good collection myself that runs from Chuck Berry and Little Richard to Led Zeppelin. And as far as fossils, I have all of the Stones stuff and I figure Keith Richards can definitely qualify as a fossil.

Last week was Governor Bill Richardson of New Mexico last day in office and he decided not to pardon Billy the Kid for the murder of Sheriff William Brady 132 years ago. Billy had no comment.

The Discovery television network has canceled plans to air the autopsy on Michael Jackson's body. So far they haven’t been able to remove his hand from his crotch.

Mila Kunis and Macaulay Culkin have called it quits. I think she left him home alone.

Bret Farve says he is done with football. Let’s see, he said that in 2007, 08 and 09. I think maybe the real deal is that football is done with him….Take your ball and go home Bret.

Speaking of football, Sam Huff was an All-Pro linebacker for the Redskins and Giants in the 1950s and 1960s and one of football’s hardest hitters. Huff believes that helmet-to-helmet contact is an integral part of football and is upset that the league is trying to stop it. “It cccertainly never aaaffect……..what was I saying? Oh yeah, I think the Cowboys should win the Super…uh thing a ma..jig.….especially if Troy Aikman doesn’t get hurt,” He stuttered as he shuffled down the hall of the nursing home.


Airports toy with the idea of tossing the TSA.
This was the headline on MSNBC today. In the article, it stated that passengers would still have to go through the same security standards. I am assuming the passengers would have to pat down each other. This could be interesting.



Today’s good read is Worth Dying For by Lee Child. Jack Reacher is an ex-military cop traveling around the country who seems to always find people in trouble that need his help. This the 15th Jack Reacher novel and it may be his best yet.




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