Bad Poet's Society

Yesterday was National Bad Poetry Day and since I'm a certified member, I spent the day up to my elbows in prose.

Rose are red

Violets are blue.

Trump’s a dumbass

And the others are too.

The summer of 2015 will be the hottest in history.

Of course the cause is no real mystery.

With both poles showing major thaws

Mother Nature is going thru menopause.

For some:

Summer is about to end, school is about to begin.

No more vacation, time for education.

Back to job, or hob-nob.

For others;

Been there, done that

Retired, got fat.

Watch a movie, catch a tune.

Stay up late, sleep til noon.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Politicans, Preachers And Pimps

Actually there are no pimps, I just like that title.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump detailed his two-step plan on immigration over the week end.  Step One: Stop em’ Step Two: Throw out the ones here including the ones born here. He didn’t seem to have any idea how to do any of this other than his incredibly stupid undo-able wall.  I understand Trump also has big plans for the Statue of Liberty.

The Don went on to say that he would win the Latino vote. Of course the polls show that the only Latino vote he would get is a Mexican man in south Florida marked the wrong box on his ballot. He finished up by saying that he really enjoyed coming to Iowa and was thinking about buying it.

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry, said last week, “I'm in it to win it.”  Seeing how little Ricky Poo's campaign is out of money and he is polling at 1%, I am pretty sure he was talking about the office pool on who would be the first candidate to drop out of the race. 

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That selective amnesia has kicked in for the Republicans again.  They just can’t quit talking about Hillary’s emails, but seem to have totally forgotten about when it was revealed that the Bush administration lost 5 million emails in 2007.  Not only can the Republicans not come up with a single solution for any problems for the future, they can’t seem to remember yesterday.  

Pastor Phillip (Two-Gun) Guin is the pastor of the Rocky Mount Methodist Church in Jemison, Alabama.  The pistol packing Pastor decided that he loved guns as much as Jesus so he turned the church into a combination shooting range and church. Pistol Phil said it is right there in the scriptures in Ignoramous 3:16  to shoot first and ask questions later. 

Pastor Ben (Hell Fire & Damnation)Bailey of the Central church of Christ in McMinnville, Tennessee said in his sermon spew of hate this week that a liberal society was to blame for all the problems in the world today.   He blamed them for banning the stoning of LGBT people, whom he said were deserving of punishment.  He said that they wanted "things like women preaching, women leading in service, where homosexuals and gay marriage were accepted openly."  Let’s see, do you think this asshole votes Republican? I’m pretty sure he has a Confederate flag in his yard.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Musing, Pondering, Wondering

Before people get too carried away with Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump’s polling numbers, it might be a good idea to take a look back at some of the boneheads who were leading in the polls at the same time at the last election. 

Remember Rudy (9/11) Giuliani, Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry  Herman (Nein, Nein, Nein) Cain and  Fred (Law & Order) Thompson.  Oh yeah, almost wannabes Newt (NitWit) Gingrich and Michael (I’m Even Dumber Than Palin) Bachmann.  Some of these goobers were pulling even bigger numbers than The Don.

One of the boneheads who call themselves Oath Keepers said, “We take an oath to the Constitution.” What they really ought to do is READ the Constitution, but then of course they would have to know how to read.

Tom (My Balls Always Have Air) Brady and Roger (I Prefer King, But Will Answer to Commissioner) Goodell were in court this week scrimmaging over Tom’s  4 game suspension.  I propose a compromise. Let little Tommy play his four games, but with this football.  

There is an ad popping up on facebook of former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blow hard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee hawking the CD “Learn Our History, One Nation Under God.” Since I decided to pass on this amazing offer and haven’t listened to it, I am only speculating here, but I am willing to bet it doesn’t tell that the Pledge of Allegiance was written by Francis Bellamy, who was a socialist, in 1892 some 116 years after the founding fathers had left the building and that the phrase “One nation under God” wasn’t added until 1954. 
    

As I mentioned earlier this year, the Texas State Board of Education has approved new text books to be used in the new school year coming up that are controversial in a number of different areas.  Not only did they take the KKK and Jim Crow laws out completely but they indicate that The Last Supper was held at Chick-fil-A. I will pass along more of the new stuff as it becomes available from my sources.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

An Open Letter To Louie Gohmert

Dear Louie,

I know that you think that Global Warming is a hoax, but I am writing to tell you Global Warming has come to the district which you represent in East Texas.  In the last couple of days we have seen the temperature reach 113.

As a resident of your district I demand that you take care of this problem immediately. I am pretty sure that most of the problems come from all of the hot air that constantly comes out of your mouth so PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Yours truly,

Rod Tanner

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Yea...It's Hump Day

Now that all of the statements and comments that were made by the candidates boneheads in the Republican get together in Cleveland last week and all of the reactions to said comments by the viewers have been considered, it is official, the debate has been downgraded to a debacle.  It is very obvious that the all inclusive big tent that the Republicans love to talk about is filled with homophobic, misogynistic, racist assholes with very low I.Q.’s.

The pastor at the 1^st Baptist church in Panama City is Dr. Craig (I’m Not A Real Doctor, But I Play One In Church) Conner says that if the government doesn’t defund Planned Parenthood he might not pay his taxes. Here is a better idea Reverend Dumbass, why don’t you and your megachurch buddies actually pay taxes.  That would be quite a load of money for the government.

Ole Craigy went on to say that he was sure that God was the one that released the videos circulating about Planned Parenthood. I think maybe crazy Craig is angling to take over Pat (I Have God On Speed Dial) Robertson’s place when he has his face to face meeting with Jesus.  A meeting, by the way, that I am pulling for to happen really soon for Mr. Roberson.

  

Just when I thought we  had heard the last from former Congressmoron Michael (I’m Even Dumber Than Palin) Bachmann, she pops up on the radio to say we should all feel very "privileged to live in" the End Times, which she says are currently upon us.  In fact I do feel privileged to see the end of her political career. I’m sure that’s what she was talking about.

The Oath Keepers arrived in Ferguson, Missouri armed to the teeth. When asked why they were allowed to carry weapons, an Oath Keeper replied, “I’m happy that we’re able to defend ourselves, It’s been our right for a long time.”  Gee I wonder what would have happened if a black group showed up with guns.

The Oath Keepers are a bunch of boneheads who comprise the latest patriot group to claim they are here to protect Americans from, what looks to me like, other Americans. They say are here to protect the Constitution, but also vowing to disobey "unconstitutional" orders from what they view as an increasingly tyrannical government. If that makes any sense, let me know. My question to these assholes is if you’re so hot to protect America, why don’t you drag your ass overseas and fight ISIS?  Of course they are not about to do that because those people have guns too. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Summer This And Summer That

Never one to pass up a chance to say something dumb or incoherent, former preacher, musician, Governor and talk show blowhard, Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee threw this out last week during the Republican debate in an exchange with New Jersey Governor Chris (I’ll Close That Bridge When I Get To It) Christie about changing the retirement age and social security.

 Little Mikey said, “because the money paid in consumption is paid by everybody, including illegals, prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, all the people that are freeloading off the system now.” To be honest I really don’t have a clue what that statement means, but I did notice that he left out politicians and preachers, both of which I include in freeloading off the system.  In fact between politicians, preachers and pimps, the only one that actually provides a service is a pimp.

Here’s what I don’t understand.  Before cell phones, did people write letters or read books while they were driving?

I understand that ISIS is going to sue Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump for hogging the news networks airtime.  A spokesman for ISIS said that a number of their violent videos have been shelved because of Trump’s rants.   He said that under the articles of the Geneva Convention, that all terrorist would be granted equal air time. He also noted that ISIS is registered as a International terrorist group and Trump was only considered a domestic terrorist blowhard, so ISIS should get top billing

  

With many years of experience and wisdom under your belt at age 85, a tattoo is gentle reminder of how dumb you were at 20.

Here are a couple of Christian hypocrites making the news.  Michigan Republican state Rep. Todd (Inter) Courser, who is married and the father of 4 and Republican state Rep. Cindy (Voted Most Likely In School) Gamrat who is married and the mother of 3, have been ranting about how the same sex rulings by the boys in black robes is running traditional marriage.  They were so upset they proposed a bill requiring all marriage certificates in the state to be signed by a religious leader, essentially making it impossible for municipal or judicial officials to wed gays. 

Well it seems their version of traditional marriage includes having an affair which they have been gleefully carrying on for some time now. Both have been asked to resign and get a room.    

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Much Ado About Nothing

The much anticipated first Republican debate was last night and it was quite a dud.  There were no fist-fights, cussing or name calling and no one threw anyone out of the ring and hit them over the head with a folding chair. It was BORING.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump started things off by leaving the door open to run as a third party candidate with the Whig Party.  He then followed up by insulting Rosie O’Donnell.  I didn’t even know she was running for President.

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In the minor league debate last night, South Carolina Seneterrible Lindsey ( I Need A Mint Julep For This) Graham had this to say about Mrs. Clinton, “She’s not going to repeal Obamacare and replace it. She’s not going to build the Keystone pipeline. She’s not going to change Dodd-Frank.”  Hey I couldn’t have said it better.

Rick (I Need To Be In A) Santorum said, “I have a track record of getting things done.”

Off hand he couldn’t think of any of those things at the time but he was sure he had done something.

Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina spit out these little gems, “We have to stop President Obama’s disrespect and disregard for so many Americans.”  This from the bonehead who laid off 30,000 people at HP.

Former Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry said that jobs in Texas grew by 1.5 million during his tenure.  Actually the only thing that grew was Ricky Poo’s nose as he was dropping this bullshit around the stage.

Stay tuned for future adventures.