Friday's Flakes

Here is a real Okie-Dopey from Muskogee.  The Save Yourself Survival and Tactical Gear gun store had put up a sign saying Muslims weren’t welcome and had received death threats so some concerned citizens boneheads arrived to guard the place. Everything was going fine until Quick Draw McGraw turned into Butterfingers Billy who dropped his gun and shot himself.  

U.S. District Judge Rudolph (My I.Q. And My Gun Are Both 45) Randa sentenced a man who was charged with 55 counts of buying firearms with fake I.Ds and then selling them without a license to probation…No Jail Time.  "People kill people," he said, "Guns don't kill people”. I am so tired of this extremely asinine statement. I am pretty sure the idiot who came up with “Just say No” is also the author of this oversimplified bit of stupidity. People kill people in all kinds of ways, but they use guns far more than any thing else.

A controversial drug to treat low sexual desire in women won approval from U.S. health regulators on Tuesday.  I understand Bill (Are You Sleepy Yet) Cosby has pre-ordered several bottles.  Also the Association of Alcohol manufactures were planning on suing, saying that was their job.

This is filed under one more reason why I hate religion. 

Evangelical End Times pastor Jonathan (I Love To Hear Myself Talk Even When I Utter Extremely Stupid Things) Shuttlesworth spewed this piece of shit out of the pulpit last Sunday.  He said Robin Williams committed suicide because he didn’t have Jesus living in his heart. It is quite obvious that Pastor Pinhead doesn’t have a brain living in his head.

Texas Attorney General Ken ( I Fought The Law And The Law Won) Paxton recently said he was overwhelmed with all of the support he had received since being indicted on felony securities fraud.  According to Juanita Jean, he has gotten seven emails of support so far.  According to my sources, three are from Nigeria, two are selling Viagra, one from a Russian princess wanting to marry him and one from Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry saying maybe they could be Pen Pals.

This is filed under “This takes the cake.”

The Duggar family of the Nineteen Kids and Counting show on TLC that was recently dropped after it was revealed that their son Josh (I’m A Touchy Feely Kind Of Guy) Duggar admitted to molesting 4 of his sisters and one unlucky neighbor has come up with a plan to get back on TV.  They are pitching doing a show to give advice on sexual abuse.  I understand they would be showing a lot of home videos.

And for the Icing on the cake:

Little Joshy Poo has just admitted to being addicted to pornography and being unfaithful to his wife.  Seems Josh was a subscriber to the Ashley Madison website which caters to married folks who want to have sex with folks they are not married to.

Rumors are all over the internet about a giant asteroid hitting earth sometime in September.  I understand the cost of asteroid protection insurance has sky rocketed. 




Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Boubles From My Soap Box

I understand the White House is thinking about inviting Bill (Sleep My Pretty One) Cosby for drinks and dinner. The plan is to slip him some Quaaludes and when he passes out, take back his Presidential Medal of Freedom.  

Loseranna Governor  Booby (Jihad) Jindal, Former Talk show blowhard, Preacher and Governor Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee, Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz, Rick (I Should Be In A) Santorum, Bill (Wife Beater) O’Reilly and many of the other blowhards on Faux News have been raving and ranting for months about the “War On Christianity.”

Let’s take a look at this so called war. There are over 350,000 churches in America. As of today not a single one has been closed or shut down.  The aforementioned boneheads and many different preachers have gone on the TV, radio, newspapers and internet to rant and spew about this so called war.  As of today, not a single one of their mean-spirited stupid words lies has been censored. Some war huh?

I do believe there is cause for a war though and the enemy is the idiots I have just mentioned. It should be the “War on Stupidity” 

The TeaNut Republicans including all of the boneheads signed up in the Republican Presidential Hindenburg are having a conniption fit over Obama's Iran/Nuke deal. They say that Iran is our oldest arch enemy.

The TeaNuts are pretty sure that it was the Iranians who showed Eve how to bake an apple pie. They also say to remember Dec 7th, that it was Iran who bombed Pearl Harbor; it says so in the new Texas history books. And when we tried to help the Iranians run their country by sending them that nice Shaw guy they said he was a maniacal mass murder and replaced him with that Oldmeanie person. Also they point out that the Israeli Whine Minister Bennie I'manut, who we pay zillions of dollars to be our best friend, says that Iran should return to their old name of Persia and get back into the rug business.  

One last thought and I’m done with it on the Confederate Flag.  The boneheads who want to keep it flying say it’s because they want something that is a symbol of their heritage.  Then what they need to do is find something in their history that they can be proud of and the rest of the world would think was something good. I’m sure there are a number of things and then design a flag around that. The Civil War and slavery is not something they should be proud of. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.