Howdy, my name is Walter and I was called to jury duty last week. It was quite exciting. I told them I was a true blue self-righteous Christian conservative far right wing-nut tea party patriot and by God I was there to do some serious judging or if they just needed a little severe criticisms doled out, I could handle that too.
I also told them if there was a death penalty involved I was all for it just as long as it was some poor ignorant man woman or child. String em up, hang em high and let em die I always say. Now if it was an unborn baby, whoa buddy, that is a whole different story. I sure as hell don’t go for that shit, but once the little pecker head popped his or her noggin out of the womb, they are on their own
I told them that executions were confirmed in the Bible’s death panels, right there in the chapter by Mark or Luke or uh John…or might have been Paul or George and Ringo….anyway it was right there in black and white on page 16, “ an eye for eye” …and that sure as hell don’t mean “Here’s lookin’ at ya.” No siree bob, that means you gonna die sucker. Hey killin’s okay as long as you do it in God’s name.
Then I sang em’ the National Anthem just to show that I knew all of the words…or most of them anyway. But as luck would have it, they said they didn’t have any sudden death cases on the docket and pointed me toward the door saying that I might check with Judge Judy. They said that she could use my help.
I never could find Judge Judy’s courtroom, so I took my self-serving, judgmental, narrow-minded ass home proud that once again I had served my country well and hadn’t even broken a sweat.
Stay tuned for future adventures.
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