TGIF

Congress finally agreed on something.  They decided that the vacation that they just returned from was not long enough so they voted to take another eight weeks off and left town.  Apparently they believe in old adage, “When the going gets tough, the tough go home.”

TV evangelist Pat (I Have God on Speed Dial) Robertson of the 700 Club (that’s their total number of viewers) is just beside himself that the Air Force has decided to drop the phrase “So help me God” from their oath. Evidently Pat believes that if you don’t have God for a co-pilot, the plane will fall out of the sky like a lead balloon. I understand the Air Force is replacing the phrase with “so help me aerodynamics.”

 

The NFL (Numerous Felons League) is still the hot topic in scandal news.  A report shows that 57 players have been arrested on domestic violence charges while Roger (MoneyBall) Goodell has been commissioner. The 32 owners say they back Roger a hundred percent but are thinking about changing his title from commissioner to warden.

 

Another responsible gun owner has made the news.  A man in Florida was showing his sister at her birthday party how he could twirl his gun when he dropped it. It went off and shot his sister in the neck killing her deader than Elvis.  The police have not charged him. They said being extremely stupid is not against the law.    

 

Senaterrible Lindsay (I Want My Mommie….Oh, and Another Mint Julep) Graham is positive that those ISIS boneheads are going to come over here and kill us all.  Let’s just see how they rate against the US of A.

USA.                                                                                      ISIS

Army….Yes                                                                           Army…None

Navy….Yes                                                                            Navy…None

Air Force…Yes                                                                       Air Force…None

Total USA Military  1,369,532                                             Total number of boneheads                     

                                                                                               With guns and swords to cut  

                                                                                               People’s heads off.

                                                                                               30,000

Don’t get me wrong.  ISIS members are a bunch of deranged, twisted assholes who will kill people and they all need to be put away, but there is no way they can take over the world.  Ebola is way more scary than ISIS.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day

Number one hump of the week:

Arizona GOP Vice-Chairman Russell (I’m Meaner than a Junk Yard Dog and Just as Dumb) Pearce said this last week on his radio show.  "You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I'd do is get Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations," and went on to say, "Then we'll test recipients for drugs and alcohol, and if you want to reproduce or use drugs or alcohol, then get a job."  

That was on Friday and Sunday he resigned saying that someone else wrote those comments and he just repeated them without giving the author credit.  I don’t care if they didn’t come out of ole Russel;’s brain, they sure as hell came out of his mouth.  In fact I am pretty sure this asshole has never had an original thought in his entire life. That may be the lamest excuse since the first bonehead who uttered, “The dog ate my homework.” 

Second Place:

Midland county sheriff, Gary (I Have the Same IQ as Quick Draw McGraw) Painter went on TV and said he had been hearing rumors about ISIS terrorist coming across the Mexican border. He reported that folks have found Muslim clothing along the roadside. Exactly how do you tell that it is Muslim clothing?  Does the label on the inside say Ahmed Abdi Armani or Mukhatr Abu Klien.   He went on to say, “if they show their ugly head in our area, we’ll send them to hell.”  Well Gary, that ain’t far. After all, you are already in Midland, Texas

Runners Up:

Senaterribles John (Civil War Veteran) McCain and Lindsay (We’re All Going to be Killed) Graham, Ted (Would Some One Please Listen to Me) Cruz and Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott just because they are John McCain, Lindsay Graham, Ted Cruz, and Gregg Abbott.   

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

War: What Is It Good For? Follow the Money

I really don’t understand the fascination the war hawk Republicans have about war.  If you take a close look at history, we haven’t won a war since World War II.  We didn’t win the Korean war ( I know, they didn’t even call this one a war. We called it a conflict, but I would be willing to bet that the folks who served over there definitely called it a war) or Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan wars, not to mention the War on Drugs and the War on Poverty.  

And before you start saying what about 9/11 where we were attacked?  Yes we were, but not by a country.  We were attacked by 18 asshole criminals who belonged to a criminal organization and it should have been treated as such.

Maybe the war hawks have a secret agenda.  Could it be that they are bought and paid for by the defense contractors in this country? Take a look at the budget for our military spending. We spend more on the military than the next eight countries combined.   We spent 640 billion dollars on defense spending last year. China, Russia, Saudi Arabia, France, United Kingdom, Germany, Japan and India spent a total of 607 billion combined.

Not only that, we arm most of the world.  Overseas weapons sales by the United States totaled $66.3 billion last year, or more than three-quarters of the global arms market, valued at $85.3 billion in 2011. Russia was a distant second, with $4.8 billion in deals. 

I guess war is good for some people.

I still think Edwin Starr says it best.

Once again, another great post from Ida Claire.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

GOP: Gang of Prevaricators

 L.A. has the Bloods & Crips.  New York has The Latin Kings.  Washington D.C. has the Republicans.

Texas Senaterrible and former ambulance chaser Ted (Look At Me: Please Somebody Pay Attention To Me) Cruz is off his meds again.  Someone showed little Teddy how to get down on the Senate floor so he decided to give  a speech rant about how the Citizens United Amendment that is being proposed by the Democrats would somehow criminalize shows like Saturday Night Live doing political satire.  Wow, Saturday Night Live death panels. If that were the case I would think that little Teddy is in big trouble because he is a absolute walking talking parody.  Oh by the way, little Teddy was asked to speak at the Middle East Christians fundraiser this past week and was booed off the stage. I guess his act didn’t play to well to those folks.

Seems there was a snowmobile party (whatever that is) going on up in Anchorage Alaska last Saturday night when a drunken brawl broke out and the police were called.  When the boys in blue arrived they were greeted by none other than Sarah (Half-Assed Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin.  The story is that Palin’s brood was there and right in the middle of the fight.  According to reports, Miss I Read Every Magazine and Newspaper in the Word was yelling “do you know who I am?” As I understand it, they knew exactly who she was and were very unimpressed.  

Once again that malady, selective amnesia, has reared its ugly head in many of the Republican boneheads.  They are all over media blaming Obama for the ISIS crisis because he pulled the troops out of Iraq.  Funny how they just can’t seem to remember it was George Warmonger Bush who signed the agreement to pull our troops out. I am really surprised they haven’t brought up that it was Obama’s fault that the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. I mean after all the man was raised in Hawaii. 

The Republicans are worried about how they are doing in the up coming mid-term elections so they are bringing in Dick ( I Really Am A Dick) Cheney to give the House Republicans a pep talk. That’s like making the town arsonist the fire chief.  I’m sure he will give tips on how to get more publicity, like shooting your friend in the face with a shotgun

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Nuts & Goobers

Ted (Some People Call Me a Gun Nut, but Mostly I’m Just Nuts) Nugent had lunch with his buddy Texas Governor candidate Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott over the weekend. Little Teddy, better known as  Nuge the Stooge said that Greggy Poo was his “Blood Brother”.  I really don’t know what that means. Are they in a gang together? Maybe he meant Bigot Brother or Bonehead Brother. Oh I know, Butthole Brother. Now that would make sense.

Texas Congressmoron Louie (I Am Beyond Dumb, I'm Just Plain Stupid) Gohmert may possibly be the dumbest person ever elected to Congress.  Now when you think how many dumbasses there are in Washington, this is quite a statement.  His latest theory of Benghazi is that the C.I.A knows what really happened, but the folks in the White House have scared them into not talking. Looney Louie also believes that the moon is made of cheese and the earth is flat. 

Here are a couple of names you need to remember:  Texas State House Representative  Jonathan (I May Be Over Weight, but I’m Never Overwrought) Strickland and a TeaNut named Martha (I Have the I.Q of a Turnip) McCombs. Johnny Boy claims to be an oil & gas consultant though he has no experience and didn’t even graduate from high school.  Martha is an activist who works for Johnny Boy and other TeaNut candidates. Here is Martha’s twitter profile: A TRUE Conservative TX Mom & Patriot Activist LUVS Jesus, Family, Guns, Military, Boots & Jeans, My horses, Politics & my friends! FREEDOM! DON’T TREAD ON ME!!

Here is the good part; the anti-women, anti-science, anti-education, pro-life, pro-death penalty, full-tilt NRA Republican Party wants nothing to do with these two boneheads.  When you are too wacked for the TeaNut party to handle, look out.

TeaNut blowhard and Faux News commentator Ben (I Don’t Have a Clue to What I am Saying, but I Love Hearing Myself Say It) Carson was mouthing off about the domestic violence problems of NFL star Ray (See What You Made Me Do) Rice. He said, “Rather than just jumping on an impunitive bandwagon of criticism, let's see if we can get some help for these people."  Of course if ole Ray was just a poor black man needing food stamps or unemployment assistance, Ben would be shouting from the other side of his mouth about what lazy moocher he was. 

And for a great read, check out Ida Clare

Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

Here is a picture of my neighbors.  I think they are Republicans because all I ever hear them say is Naaaay.

 

Today is National Be Late For Something Day.  I’m not sure what this day is about but here are few names that celebrate this day every year. The late Elvis Presley, the late Marilyn Monroe, the late Micheal Jackson, the late Mel Gibson, (I know he is still alive but his career is deader than Elvis)    

 

Hey look, unemployment is up. Former House majority leader Eric (I Work For The People…..Who Pay Me The Most) Cantor, the Go to Guy of Wall Street who lost his job in the spring to a complete unknown, just got a big paying job on Wall Street. Wow, I sure didn’t see that one coming.  

A couple of other former Washington  boneheads have moved into the private sector. Republican Trent ( I Have Some Integrity but Not A) Lott and Democrat John ( Of Course I'm A Crook,I’m From Louisiana, ) Breaux are now lobbying for a Russian bank  To date, more than 300 members of Congress have become lobbyists, according to the Center for Responsive Politics. This means that being a Congressman or Senator is no longer considered public service. It is now an entry level position into big business. 

 

The National Republican Congressional Committee is out with a new ad in Arizona, painting Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick as nothing more than a pair of legs in high heels. Evidently the ad was made by the agency where the Mad Men work.

 

Richard (I Really Am A) Fink, vice-president of Koch Industries told a gathering of conservatives at a conference called “American Courage: Our Commitment to a Free Society” that people who felt like victims lost meaning in life and turned to totalitarian political ideologies. Raising the minimum wage, he claimed, would cause people to lose their jobs and lose their meaning in life, giving fascism a fertile ground to grow in.  He said 500,000 people that will not have a job because of minimum wage, because there is no such thing as a dead end job. This doesn’t make sense on any level. What a asshole.

So rather than pay a higher wage, companies will just fire the workers? I don’t think so. The lost productivity would be way more than the money saved on cutting the payroll.  The majority of minimum wage workers work for big corporations.  These corporations are making killer profits and they will simply pass the cost on to the customer. 

 

A new study out from a Princeton economist and two colleagues say more religious countries show less scientific innovation. In other words.

 

Stay tuned for more adventures.

It's Another Hump Day

This week’s humps.

Faux News decided they needed a real expert on Islam so they invited Duck Dick Head Phil (Either Convert Them or Kill Them) Robertson to spew nonsense on the TV.  That’s like having a heart attack and calling your plumber.

Rafael (Rhymes with My Friend, Fidel) Cruz , little Teddy (Look At Me, Look At Me) Cruz’s dad went on the TV and said, “the average black person does not know that the minimum wage is bad.”  As I have said before, the rotten apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. I think maybe Rafael is angling toward Time Magazine’s “Moron of the Year.”

Are you sleeping better at night now that Congress is back in session after their month long recess? I don’t know why these boneheads even come back. We know they are not going to do anything. They haven’t yet, so why start now.

Another thing I have been pondering is why is the cost of education so high?  I don’t see colleges building any new buildings and when they do it is because some wealthy alma mater has given them eighty zillion dollars to put his or her name on the front.  With exception of a few, they sure as hell aren’t paying huge salaries to the professors.

We talk about the student loan situation but I have not heard one word on why the cost of education is so high.  So what’s that about and where is all of that money going? My personal opinion is that it is just part of the ever expanding education scam.  A college degree cost more and you get less every year. Now days you get a college degree just so folks will know what kind of job it is that you are out of work from. (How’s that for a terrible sentence? My English teacher is rolling over in her grave)

Our education system seems to be very much like our health care system.  We pay more than most other countries and we get less.  You would think the boneheads in Congress would want to turn that around, but they are more interested in having another useless Benghazi hearing.

 

Two more red states, Pennsylvania and Tennessee has decided that ObamaCare is okay after all.  It seems the only thing wrong with ObamaCare is the name. 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.