Earth Day: Let's Dig Some Dirt

• Today is Earth Day, a day devoted to cleaning up the environment.  A good way to help noise pollution would be to tape Donald Trump and Charlie Sheen mouths shut.   

• Charlie Sheen took his sad little show of addicted behavior to Washington D.C. this week and told everybody he was born right here in America.  I have serious doubts about that.  I’m pretty sure ole Charlie is from Neptune.

• Greg Mortenson, author of “Three Cups of Tea” and the head of Central Asia Institute, the non-profit (Because the profit went right into Greg’s pocket) charity that he founded, has been hospitalized.  Yeah, getting nailed by “60 Minutes” about lying about your so-called true life experiences and scamming folks out of millions of dollars for non-existent schools would tend to make one sick. 

• Lady GaGa went on a foul mouthed rant during an interview when she was asked about ripping off one of Madonna’s songs.  I was going to say that Lady GaGa really showed her ass but then I realized she has done that in every video she has made.

• An Oregon death row inmate is mounting an aggressive behind-bars campaign to donate his organs after he’s executed, in part to repay society for the gruesome murders of his wife and three young children.  How nice…Obviously he doesn’t have a heart and if I were them, I would pass on the brain.

• April 20th has evolved into a counterculture holiday, where people gather to celebrate and consume cannabis (that’s pot for you folks not high) When I asked a friend who partakes of the wacky weed if he celebrated 4/20 yesterday?  After a long pause he said, “I don’t remember.”

• Oh boy, an exciting new name is in the race for President.  Former Republican Governor of New Mexico Gary (4/20) Johnson, (he’s pro pot), has thrown his hat into the ring and guess what?  He says we need lower taxes and less spending.  Wow, isn’t it refreshing to hear a Republican say something diff…Wait a minute, that’s the same ole tired crap….Is there a Republican anywhere on the planet that has something new to say?…I don’t think so..

• Governor Rick (is my hair-do on fire yet?) Perry is asking that everyone pray for rain.  I’ll be glad to give it a shot but I’ve been praying for that dip-shit to move to Alaska for years so I don’t know if the good Lord is tuned to Texas or not.

Stay tuned for future adventures

Hump Day

 

• Charlie Sheen loses his custody battle.  An L.A. judge has ruled that Charlie is no longer in control of his brain.

• Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen’s ex is in rehab.  Damn, there goes the Family of the Year award.

• I see where Governor Rick(I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry has declared Texas a disaster area because of all the wild fires.  It’s about time as these fires have really been destructive.  Of course there are many of us who declared Texas a disaster area the day he was elected.

• The Hoover Company is very upset that ABC is canceling the soaps “One Life To Live” and “All My Children.”  They released a press statement saying “This really sucks.”

• I haven’t received any money scam emails from Nigeria lately but I did get one from Egypt this week wanting me to invest.  I didn’t.  I’m pretty sure it was a pyramid scheme. Also if you receive an email from Henry Winkler to invest, beware, it could be a Fonzie scheme.

• An air traffic controller has been suspended for watching a movie when he was supposed to be monitoring aircraft.  Well at least he was awake… 

• New research suggests that cursing actually does help dull our perception of pain. I have found this to be true.  I can look at a picture of  “Dubya”, former Vice-President Darth Cheney, Donald Dumbfield,  Nitwit Gingrich, Sarah Pa-lying, Rush Slimebaugh, Rick (I may be hair-brained but I have a great hair-do) Perry, John (Its my party, I’ll cry if I want to) Boehner, Glen (I can out cry John Boehner any day of the week) Beck, Donald (I may have a tiny brain but I have a gigantic ego) Trump or anybody in the Tea Party and say “What a bunch of fucking assholes” and feel better instantly.

 Stay tuned for future adventures

Goof Off Day

Tuesday is National Goof Off Day.  When I saw this I thought wow, this is great that they (whoever they are) are finally honoring us Goof Offs.  They recommend that you go out and spend the day window shopping with your favorite friend. Or just sit down and read a book or watch TV. This day is set aside for you to anything you enjoy doing.

This is what I do everyday, but let me tell you, being a full time goof-off is not as easy as you might think. There are some draw-backs to being a professional do nothing person.  The main one is that every once in a while you actually want to do something.  When this happens you just have to calm yourself and remember that doing something takes energy and money.  That usually nips it in the bud on the spot. If it persists, then I just go to bed until it goes away.

Another thing about being a Professional Goof-Off is there are no days off.  Its 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  No holidays, no sick days and the pay sucks but other than that, it's a pretty good gig.  Come to think of it, it is very much like my days in radio..   

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

Here is news story for ya.  According to an Oxford scholar, God had a wife, Asherah, whom the Book of Kings suggests was worshiped alongside Yahweh in his temple in Israel.  Well yeah, "Create the world," was the first thing on his honey-do list.

There are some things about the new electric Chevy Volt that will shock you. I mean beside the sticker price.  It seems it takes ten hours to charge the battery.  Better take a sack lunch and book when you whip into the charge station.  Also that charge will only get you about 26 miles.  Let’s see, a trip to Galveston from Houston will only take you a day and half.  Wasn’t horseback faster?

Right wing-nut columnist Ann Coulter said that radiation is good for you.  I not sure about this but I’m all for Ann trying it out.  A good dose might do her good.  I know it would do me good if she would.

 A new report out today says CBS President Les Moonves wants Charlie Sheen back on Two and a Half Men.  Makes sense; they feed each others addiction.  Charlie’s is cocaine and Les’s is money.

Rocker Sammy Haggar in his new tell-all book says that he was abducted by aliens.  I think a couple of illegals grabbed him after a concert in San Diego and took him across the border for a night of slamming tequila shots. 


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Stay tuned for future adventures.

And Then There Is Just Plain Stupid

Gilbert Gottfried got fired for making jokes about the tragedy in Japan.  I saw where Joan Rivers defended Gilbert saying, "That's what comedians do!!!”  What, be stupid?

Being inappropriate is one thing; being stupid is another.  Telling jokes about something that killed thousands of people to a few friends is truly insensitive; putting it on Twitter and Facebook is STUPID.   Dan Turner, the press secretary for the Governor of Mississippi, did the same thing as Gilbert; got fired for being STUPID.  You would think these clowns would know by now how Facebook and Twitter work.

Speaking of being stupid; prosecutors recently charged Mel Gibson with misdemeanor battery of his ex-girl friend. It seems Mel’s career has gone from Braveheart to Chicken Shit.

March Madness is almost here.  Charlie Sheen just got an early start.  The poster child for STUPID has announced he's doing a “One Man Show” in Chicago and Detroit.  Well, of course, it’s a one man show; this man has no friends.  Who would he do a show with; his drug dealer or maybe a couple of hookers?  Hey Charlie and Moe Gadhafi could hook up and be a comedy team.  Talk about Dumb and Dumber…

A Libya no-fly resolution was offered at the UN yesterday.  This seems impossible to me. Can you imagine how many flies there must be in Libya?

And as a final note, once again the award for the most boring community in the state goes to Plano, Texas.


Today's good read is The Sentry by Robert Crais. I have just discovered Robert and this is the latest in his Joe Pike series.



Stay tuned for future adventures.