Some Of This, More Of That

 Some times I say funny things and sometimes funny things just pass thru my brain.  Sometimes I just feel funny. It's funny how that happens. I was always the class clown in high school which was ok except I hated wearing those stupid giant shoes and that red rubber nose. 

Will Smith evidently delivered the Bitch-Slap heard around the world at the Oscars Sunday night.  Fortunately, according to the ratings, nobody saw it.  

 

Just saw an ad for Speed Dating.  I can remember when fast girls had a bad reputation.

 

The local radio station is promoting a Monster Truck Show.  Hey, I saw that Transformer movie, I’m not going near that place.

 

The Final Four is set. North Carolina, Duke, Kansas, and Villanova.  I don’t know one thing about any of them, but since I was born in Wichita, Kansas I feel obliged to pull for Villanova.

 

I understand Chris (My Daddy Was a 60 Minute Man) Wallace said the straw that broke the camel’s back for him to leave Fox Faux News was when they started paying him in rubles. Personally, I believe he overstayed his nineteen years at Fox by eighteen years, eleven months, and twenty-nine days.

 

 

 

 Stay tuned for future adventures

 

 

I May Not Know Everything, But...

 

I know the first person ever addicted to March Madness was John Philip Sousa.

I know you went to a rough high school if all the pictures in your yearbook are mug shots.

I know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em.  I’m talking about doing the laundry.

I know when a politician or a preacher opens their mouth, it’s time to close your mind.

I know when I hear “A stitch in time saves nine” I don’t have a clue to what it means.

I know if I join a health club it will be the only time, I ever visit it.

I know better, but do it anyway.

I know that the moon is not made of cheese, but Mars is a candy bar.

I know that Einstein’s theory of relativity is not about your family tree.

I know the expression “a penny saved is a penny earned” isn’t worth 2 cents.

I know that Baseball is not America’s pastime, that Facebook is.

I know that “early to bed, early to rise” is not going to happen.

I know that cats are smarter than dogs, but dogs don’t know it.

I know that little things can make a big difference.

I know just enough to screw it up.

I know there is not a Permanent Record.

I know that you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you get what you need.  I know that sounds familiar.

I know one thing can lead to another…..or not.

I know that you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him take a bath.

I know 2 plus 2 equals 4, but I don’t know what 1,234,543,982 times 67,345 is.

I know that a leopard has never thought about changing his spots.

I know that the bigger they are, the harder they are to knock over.

I know if the shoe fits, it’s the right size.

I know when to shut up.

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures

 

 

 

Breaking News

 

The GOP (Gang of Perpetrators, Group of Pinheads, Gaggle of Pricks) take your pick they all work, Senators who are grilling Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson have a number of reasons why they are against her.

1.She is black

2.She is black

3.She is black

4.She is black

5.Oh yeah, she is really qualified and experienced.

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures

The Blank Page

 

I have been staring at the blank page for a couple of days now.  I don’t know why writing can be so hard sometimes. If I’m working on my novel, I’m just making stuff up and if I’m working on this little blog, I’m poking fun at what some dumb politician or bonehead preacher said. I read constantly and I am in awe of writers who seem to pound out books on a consistent basis. 

Thank God I don’t write for a living, but just for the fun of it and right now I’m not having very much fun because I haven’t written a word on either of them in days.  I thought maybe if I wrote whined about this, it would get my brain off the picket line and back to the computer.  Then again, it could be I just need to take another nap.

 

Stay tuned for future adventures

 

HARRRUMP DAY

 

Speaking of humps.

I saw where My Pillow Guy Michael (My pillows are soft and so is my head) Lindell has declared that Daylight Savings time is a socialist plot and people shouldn’t observe it. I’m not sure where that incredibly stupid idea came from, but I’m pretty sure what little Mikey really wants is for us to turn the clocks back to 1950 or so.

Another hump of the day is North Carolina’s Congressmoron Madison (My legs don’t work and neither does my brain) Cawthorn.  Mobile Madison was caught on video admitting he carries multiple weapons in his wheelchair into the U.S. Capitol. We already knew he doesn’t carry any common sense into the building.

Also, Tampa Bay QB Tom (Super Bonehead) Brady ruined a lot of folk’s football plans this week by unretiring.  I really don’t know why I don’t like Tom; I just don’t.  Come to think of it, I didn’t like any of The Brady Bunch either.

Joining the lump of humps is Florida Governor Ron (Demented) DeSantis who is about to sign Florida’s Don’t Say Gay bill.  The bill would ban discussions around gender and sex in classrooms and keep the talk in restrooms, playgrounds, and back alleys.

 

Today is also National Panda Day. I will be spending the day pandering.

 

Tomorrow is St. Patrick’s Day when we celebrate St. Patrick banishing all snakes from Ireland. Of course, there were no snakes in Ireland to banish. The IRA hadn’t formed yet.  I understand when St. Patrick was first confronted with this fact, he replied “You all can kiss my Blarney Stone.” I plan on celebrating the day green with envy thinking about leprechauns and their pot of gold.

 

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures

 

 

Signs Of Life

 

I recently saw a sign that said, “Beware the Ides of March.”  I always thought they were a pretty good band. “Vehicle” was big hit for them, but I never thought they were dangerous.

Here are some other signs I have come across in my travels.

 

I’ll be signing off now.

 

 

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures

 

The Blame Game

 

If you are looking for someone to blame for the high gas prices, here is a list for you.

 

1.Darren Woods, CEO of ExxonMobil. Irving, Tex.  Salary 2021, $23,494,90

Phone 1-800 243 9966.

2. Ben van Beurden, CEO of Shell Oil Company, Houston, Tex, Salary 2018, 17.2 million. 

Phone 1-888-467-4355

3. Michael Wirth, CEO of Chevron Corporation, San Ramon, CA.  Salary 2021 17,601,695

 Phone 1-925-842 1000

Federal, state and local government taxes also contribute to the retail price of gasoline.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures

 

 

Call the Medic!

 

I just saw where “March Madness” is coming.  Hopefully they are working on a vaccine for that.

I did see my heart doctor yesterday and he said I didn’t need to see him again until September.  He said I was healthy as a horse, and I told him I wanted a second opinion, so he said I was also stubborn as a mule.

I noticed that today is Barbie’s 63rd birthday. I can see why she hasn’t applied for early social security yet; last year’s sales were 1.35 billion dollars. I wonder if Ken has a pre-nup.

Today was the first day of the Russian Revolution of 1917.  Wonder if Mr. Putin has thought about that.  I doubt it, I don’t believe he does much thinking.

Followers of this little blog may have noticed that I haven't posted much lately.  Mostly because I am slogging on my third novel, so the blogging has bogged down.  As much as I enjoy writing, I find it to be very hard at times.  I did finally come up with the opening line of the new novel, which as they say is the hardest one to write, it’s “It was a dark and stormy night.”  Now if I can just get to that second line.

 

Stay tuned for future adventures