Harrumping Day

Donald (Little DICK-tator) Trump was out pandering for black votes this week.  He attended a black church in Detroit where he told everyone he was born a poor black child, but through hard work and his daddy’s money he finally became white…or actually orange.  Trumpy-Poo was out pandering because recent polls showed that he was getting 1% of the black vote.  This is not true as he was really only getting one single black vote: that of Bill (Here Sweetie, Have A Drink) Cosby.  Cos said he had nailed a few women in his time, but this guy was screwing the whole country.

Olympic swimmer Lying Ryan (Breast Stroke Is My Favorite) Lochte is going to be on Dancing With The Stars Some People You Might Have Heard Of.  Ryan said he is going to do the Brazilian version of the Hokey Pokey for everyone. “You put your left leg up. Then you put your right leg down. Then you haul ass and get out of town.”

Former Faux News host Gretchen (I’m In The Money Now) Carlson has settled her sexual harassment suit against Roger (I’m A Touchy Feely Kinda Of Boss) Ailes for $20 million dollars. Gretchen told reporters that now that it is over, all she wants to do is go home and count her money and count her money and count her money and count her money.

The world is a better place today. Phyllis (Stepford Wife Extraordinaire ) Schlafly is no longer breathing air. She has finally crawled back under her rock for good. She can annoy everyone in the afterlife.

.

Stay tuned for future adventures.