Lone Star Malaise

Lone Star malaise is a condition brought on by the combination of the Cowboys in Dallas, the Texans in Houston and the Politicians in Austin.

The Dallas Cowboys have the worse defense in the NFL and can’t stop anybody from scoring touchdowns.
The Houston Texans have the best defense in the NFL and can’t stop anybody from scoring touchdowns.
Texas has the worse politicians in the country and they keep winning elections.

Here we are wrapping up 2013 and all four of the Republican candidates for Lt. Governor of Texas would like for us to go back to 1713.  Dan (I Was a Sports Nut, but Now I’m a Religious Nut) Patrick, Jerry (I Have a Gun in My Boot and a Stick Up My Ass) Patterson, David (Double Dumb) Dewhurst and Todd (I Don’t Have a Clue) Staples all support the teaching of Creationism in public schools.  Creationism is a religious belief that was dreamed up in 1713 and three hundred years later still has zero scientific data to back it up.  If someone wants to brainwash their child at home with this crap, that is one thing; to teach it in public school is another.  I understand that all four also believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and trickle-down economics.

                                   This is the bonehead who wants to replace this bonehead.

Here are a few things that Gregg (Hell on Wheels) Abbott has done or supported this past year.
•    Turned a blind eye to cronyism allowing millions of dollars for cancer research to be misused
•    Threatened international election observers with arrest and prosecution
•    Supported new restrictive abortion laws and vowed to defend them in court
•    Opposed Medicaid expansion that would have provided health care to 1.4 million Texans
•    Defended the GOP's $5 billion cuts in Texas public school funding
•    Accepted an award from a bigot Dave Welch
•    Claimed "nobody in the state of Texas has done more to fight to help women than I have"
•    Thanked a supporter who called Senator Wendy Davis "retard barbie"
•    Claimed "no problems" caused by Voter ID in the 2013 election - when in fact there were many

Voting for this asshole is simply injecting more poison into the system. Voting for this lady is the antidote. .

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Far Right Reverand Rick

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Rick( I saw the light and my hair-do looks great)Perry is coming to town to do his Oral Roberts impersonation. As I understand it, he will be healing the sick, raising the dead, making it rain,(Oops, strike that. That didn’t work) turning water into wine, gathering up large quantities of cash and collecting votes.

This is all going to take place at Reliant Stadium. You know if he really wanted to get a vote or two, he would turn the Houston Texans into winners, but I don't think even “Hair-do” can pull that one off.

I’m sure he will have his six-guns with him to take care of any non-believers, gays, immigrants, or any welfare recipients who might slip through the security of The American Family Association. They are the hate group out of Tupelo, Mississippi that is organizing and footing the bill for this little shindig. They have a long history of making inflammatory statements about abortion and gay rights.

Little known fact about Rick, his favorite hymn is “Stairway To Heaven” and many years ago was a member of The First Church of The Frisbee. They believe when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and you can’t get down.
For lots more good stuff on Rick (Serial Politician) Perry’s blatant smoozing of the Religious Right see Juanita's blog or this great blog 

Someone claiming to be a psychic said they had vision of multiple dead bodies at farm house in Liberty County, but when the F.B.I and other law enforcement officers checked  it out they only found the weekly meeting of the Liberty County Republicans.

News flash…Congressman Tony (teeny weeny) Weiner’s wiener has come out of hiding. An explicit photo of Weiner’s wiener has emerged on the internet. When Mrs Weiner, who is pregnant and I assume it is by this same celebrity wiener, was asked about this latest photo, she replied, “ I don’t know why everyone is so upset, it’s really such a little thing..”

On thing you can say about Jack Kevorkian, Dr. Death, not to be confused with a proctologist I once knew called “Dr. Depth,” is that he was never sued by a patient for malpractice.

Poor Sarah has more problems with her Hysterical Bus Tour. Her bus only turns to the right and she has been going around in a circle for a week   Sarah said since the tour was half over she would probably just quit, that was what she usually did when things weren’t going her way.

Looks like ole Newton Leroy Gingrich’s campaign will have to be born-again just like him. The entire top echelon of Niwit’s presidential campaign resigned this week in a stunning mass exodus. I understand Nitwit was wandering around his office mumbling, “Help me Jesus.”

Delta Airlines has been charging soldiers for their extra bags coming home from deployment. Several of 34 soldiers who had an extra bag were forced to pay $200 of their own money in fees in order to make their connecting flight to Atlanta.… I’m glad I don’t fly much anymore but when I do, I can guarantee you it won’t be on Delta.





Stay tuned for future adventures