Friday Newsy Stuff

New Jersey Governor Chris (I Didn’t Burn Any Bridges, I Just Closed It) Christie has been cleared of any wrong doing in the closing of the George Washington Bridge according to a report released today.  Of course that report is one that little Chrisy conducted himself. The report confirms also that they did NOT interview any of the key figures in Bridgegate including his chief of staff Anne (Traffic Jam Mama)Kelly, former Port Authority appointees Bill (I See No Evil) Baroni and David (I Hear No Evil) Wildstein or his former campaign manager Bill( I Speak No Evil) Stepien. 

As I understand it, Governor Chrissy asked himself if he had anything to do with the closing and he said no.  Well, that certainly clears that up.

 

The Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, known for protesting with hate signs the funerals of soldiers has put a message on their website asking people “to have the decency not to protest the funeral of their founder,” Fred (Thank God, He is Finally Dead) Phillips. These assholes are hands down to win the Gall of the Year Award….No make that the Gall of the Century

 

A couple of California Democrats are proving that they can be just as sleazy as Republicans.  State Senaterrible’s Leland (Unmarked Bills Only)Yee and Ron (I Take Mastercard or Visa) Calderon have both been arrested on corruption charges.

 

The Fox TV station in Houston has hired a new reporter and you will never believe it, but she is a BLONDE.   

Stay tuned for future adventures

Dumb and Dumber

Texas Governor Rick (All Hair, No Integrity) Perry was on the TV yesterday saying that equal pay issues are just nonsense.  What is total nonsense is that this bonehead has been elected Governor again and again. Thank God we will be rid of him soon. 

 

Texas Attorney General Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott who wants to replace Governor GoodHair has put voter fraud as his top priority. He has called voter fraud “an epidemic.”  In the thirteen years that little Greggy has been Attorney General; his office has found TWO fraud cases. Wow, two phrases come to mind. Making a mountain out of a molehill or he is lying through his dirty rotten teeth.   I think I will go with the second one. 

And just to show you that little Greggy thinks he is special.  When the tree Gods decided to kick little Greggy ass by dropping a limb on his head back in 1984, Gregg sued to get compensation.  He has received so far about $6 million and will have gotten around $10 million when it is all said and done.  Now Gregg doesn’t think anyone else should have this privilege as he has tried to stop every law suit of this type since he has been Attorney General.  The good news is that he has lost all of them, but as they say, it’s the thought that counts.  What an ASSHOLE….

Gregg also lives in the men are superior to women camp. A story in the San Antonio Express-News reports that little Greggy’s office pays female assistant attorneys general less on average than men in the same position. 

Texas needs a gender change at the top, not another snake oil salesman.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Preachers and Politicans

First of all Billy (Generic Preacher) Graham’s son Franklin( Jesus Loves You, Well Not if You Are Gay) Graham praised Russian President Vladimir Putin-On-a-Show for persecuting gays in Russia and now Billy’s daughter Anne (I’m a Religious Nut Too) Graham Lotz has said that she thinks the missing Malaysian airplane may be part of the  Apocalypse.  I guess Heaven’s immigration is getting out of hand and can only take a plane load of folks at a time.

You know how the Republicans are big on family values; well one of their candidates running for Governor of California is a registered sex offender.  He told the L.A. Times that after he was arrested for picking up under aged prostitutes and was in jail, he found the Lord.   He didn’t say what the Lord was in for.

Another one of those family value Republican bonehead’s, Louisiana Senaterrible David (Who Says You Can’t Buy Love) Vitter, who was busted last year for soliciting prostitutes, told his colleagues last week how patriotic the Koch brothers are.  He said they loved America so much that they were willing to buy every seat in Congress, no matter how much it cost.

Florida Republican Governor Rick (I Thought I Was Elected King) Scott has been accused of campaign violations that could cost him as much as $82 million dollars. The one term Governor has already acquired a reputation of one of the worst Governors in the country.  Wow, it took Rick (All Hair,No Integrity) Perry a couple of terms to get that reputation.  

Jordan (I Am A Certified Crook) Belfort, the original “Wolf of Wall Street” who went to prison for scamming Wall Street investors out of millions of dollars, is selling a seminar on ethical persuasion.  He says it teaches you how to sell things without lying. This bonehead still owes victims nearly $100 million dollars in restitution.  I am pretty sure the Republicans have found their nominee for President in 2016. 

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Rodney Appleseed

No time for bitching and ranting.

Spring has sprung, the Sun is shinning.

I’m outside.

Mowing and planting.

See ya next week.

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Mid-Week Doldrums

Boy have I got egg on my face.  Itt’s National Poultry Day and I don’t have any chicken, turkey or egg jokes.  I could talk about the biggest turkey in Texas, Congressmoron Louie (I really am as Dumb as I Look) Gohmert or the biggest chicken-shit in Texas, Gregg (Hell on Wheels) Abbott, but I’m really tired of giving these assholes a minute of my time.

 

Franklin ((Jesus Loves You, Well Not if You are Gay) Graham said last week what a great guy Russian President Vladimir Putin-on-a-Show was for persecuting those evil gay people. What a jerk.

 

Cari ( My I.Q. is the Same as My Age) Christman who is executive director of Red State Women, a new Republican PAC in Texas, says that they are opposed to the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act because women are too busy.  Good God, where do the Republicans dig up these women?  Is there a Stepford, Texas that I don’t know about?

 

The Malaysian missing airplane has just gotten weirder.  The plane is still missing, but the baggage arrived yesterday.

 

Have you heard about the new Japanese country singer, Merle Haggersan?  He wrote “Karaoke from Muskogee.” 

 Stay tuned for future adventures

Time To Turn Green

Hey it’s St. Patrick’s Day and I plan on being green all day today.  I have decided to be envious of everybody and everything the entire day.  I don’t have to worry about wearing something green or drinking green beer since being envious is quite easy.  I just drag out all of my resentments from the last twenty years and let my imagination go wild.

I have never understood the saying “Luck of the Irish.”  When you look at their history from the Great Potato Famine, religious wars and being ostracized when they immigrated to America, they don’t seem so lucky.  And speaking of the Great Potato Famine of 1845, why did all those potatoes move from Ireland to Idaho anyway?

Another one that boggles the mind is the Irish fascination with leprechauns.  If leprechauns are so cool why does the rest of the world treat leper colonies like the plague? I mean there is nothing lucky about having leprosy.    

One of the oldest Irish traditions, “Kiss me, I’m Irish,” and “Blarney Stone” goes all the way back to the Stone Age. It was started by Fred Flintstone’s third cousin, a well known gigolo and ladies man, Jim Bob BlarneyStone.

Of course St. Patty is most famous for driving the snake out of the Garden of Eden

In related items:

There is the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame featuring their star hunchback Quasimodo(he probably rings a bell) not to be confused with the bickering, sniping, arguing, complaining Irish Parliament and I would be remiss to not mention Ireland’s number one rock band, “Ewe Too.”

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday Headlines

The new TV series Cosmos had 17 million viewers last Sunday.  Wow, who knew a documentary on Kramer from Seinfeld would have that much interest?

Officials have a person of interest in connection with the Malaysian airplane that vanished into thin air. It’s David Copperfield.

Here is the true definition of “Religious Freedom".  Joel Osteen’s Lakewood Church takes in around 30 million dollars a year TAX FREE. 

The owner of the Texas truck stops known as Buc-ee’s  has endorsed Dan (I Use to be a Sports Nut, but Now I’m a Religious Nut) Patrick for Lt. Governor of Texas.  The truck stops will now be called “Yuc-ee’s.”

Texas Congressmoron Sheila ( I May Be as Dumb as Louie Gohmert) Jackson Lee told her colleges in the House this week that we have been operating under a Constitution that clearly defines what is constitutional and what is not for four hundred years now. Sheila obviously flunked history, math and common sense in school.  Gee, I wonder why nothing gets done in Washington?



Stay tuned for future adventures.