Oh Boy....Another 365 Days

 

Well here it is a brand new year.  I wanted to start this year with my mind open and my mouth closed, but then it was time for breakfast.  I have read "Early to bed, early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy and wise." I woke up with a sore throat , checked my bank account and they wanted to know who I was, and I still don't know who picked up the tab at the Last Supper. 

Anyway, here I am grasping at a brand New Year.  So far it seems very similar to the old year, but I'm willing to give it a chance to show me something new and different.  It is a nice day outside, at least it appears so looking out my window. Maybe I'll actually step out into the great outdoors at some point and check it out....and then again maybe not.  

We are at least over Covid and feeling much better so that is a start.  I have been writing in my head and believe I may actually be close to typing it into the computer.  Most of my writing has always been in my head first, so this is a good beginning.  Diana of course has been working on all kinds of new and good things.  You will see them when she gets ready to show the world. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

 

Tiz The Season

 Once again Mother Nature has drug her cold front through town.  Spent the day covering up water faucets and wrapping up windows.  Boy what fun.  I don't like cold weather, never have.  I spent a year in Denver many years ago and if I never see snow again, it will be fine with me. If I want to see snow, I'll go visit it somewhere else.  I am a warm weather person. 

I think maybe I'm part bear.  I really would like to sleep through the winter and wake up when spring has sprung.  Christmas is not my favorite time of the year anyway and the weather makes it doubly so. As I said a while back, I always get a touch of the humbug this time of year. 

I'm not a religious person so that part doesn't interest me and mostly I believe the Christmas season is a product of retail merchants to make us feel really terrible and guilty if we don't buy lots of stuff.  I believe we should give gifts to people we like anytime of the year we feel like it. Not just at Christmas. 

Now that I have got that said, I have to get out of here and go buy presents. And by the way, I hope everyone has a happy holiday.

Stay tuned for future adventures.    

 

A Few Quotes From Yesteryear

This was originally written in 2016.  

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

My 65 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”

Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!

The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

On average, an American man will have sex two to three times a week. Whereas, a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is very upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

I can’t understand why women are okay that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “ Sag Harbor .”

I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can't see them pick their noses?

Money can’t buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!

The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

Let's Talk Turkey

 

Now that we have made it through the supposedly scariest holiday of the season, let me remind you that the one coming up is actually the scariest of all.  THANKSGIVING……What you say, Thanksgiving?  Yes, try to clear out the brainwashing we've grown up with about how Thanksgiving is such a grand holiday and truly remember memories of the Thanksgiving dinner with people you really don’t like. 

 

Yes, try to zero in on the brainwashing we’ve grown up with a see if you can’t drum up some mandatory gratitude. This may take some doing if you are still obligated to show up to sit across the table with people who from childhood still either mispronounce your name or don’t know it at all. Uncle Wilburt who always messed up your hair with that stupid grin on his face or Aunt Millie who pinched you on the cheek and asked about school even if you are married and have two children.

When growing up you always visualized that day when you would move away and live too far to attend Thanksgiving dinner.  Ha, according to the Thanksgiving rules,( which I believe are stored somewhere in the vault with your permanent record,) if you still live on the same continent, you are obligated to make Thanksgiving Dinner. (But Mom, it’s eight hundred miles home…..Oh silly, you love driving that car…..But Mom, it’s got 150,000 miles on it….See how reliable it is.) I know that a lot of these people are now dead as the turkey, but they still live in our Thanksgiving memory banks.

And speaking of dinner, why is it always turkey or ham?  We are all in this together so how about meatballs and spaghetti or enchiladas or hot dogs and hamburgers. Bottom line, get you a prescription for anxiety or just load up on valium and head home.  You are locked in……..It’s the law.

And then in less than 24 hours we go from giving the blessing to shouting curse words at our fellow shoppers on Black Friday.  I don’t why we don’t call it Black and Blue Friday.  Black Friday is the most brutal shopping day of the year.

     “Gimmie those sheets or give me death,” can be heard in every department store around the country.  I know some of the stress has been eliminated by on-line shopping, but it is still a shopping nightmare.  And then in a couple of weeks we will begin the war of words over should we say, “Merry Christmas or Happy Holiday”.

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

 

 

I'm Just Sayin'

 

Trumpypoo announced his newest send me money campaign scam this week.  Of course he didn’t come right out and say, “Send me money,” he just said he was going to run for President in two years…….TWO YEARS?  He could be dead, in jail or living in some country that doesn’t have an extradition clause in two years. I’m pretty sure the MAGA gang (Morons And Goobers Association) were down at the post office the next morning sending him their rent checks for this month.  It makes you wonder how stupid one must be to send money to a guy who claims to be a billionaire.

 

I see where Kari (I may not have a penis, but I’m as much a dick as Trump) Lake the looser of her campaign to be Governor of Arizona is refusing to concede the election.  Who cares?  She lost and the fine folks of Arizona have said all there is to say about it.

Hershel (My brain needs a) Walker went after the werewolf vote this week.  I’m not sure that is a good move since werewolves only come out at night after the polls close.

 

Mother Nature drug her cold front though town this week which made me wonder if my wishing for Texas to turn blue was misdirected.  I don’t like cold weather mostly because I find it inconvenient.  You have to dig out the cold weather clothes, bundle up to go outside and then fifteen minutes after you get in the car, you’re too hot.  Life is so tedious. 

I have been a Dallas Cowboy fan right from the very first cheerleader and when they would screw up a big game and lose like they did last Sunday, I would be bummed for a week.  Now it is about two minutes.  I think it has to do with my attention span.

 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

 

 

 

Soggy Thoughts on a Rainy Day

 

First rule of redneck poetry. It doesn’t have to make sense; it just must rhyme.

It’s that time of the year when leaves begin turning and then they turn loose because we all know what’s good for the gander is good for the goose.

Roses are red and violets are blue.  I don’t have another line so this will have to do.

 

How about fairy tales?  Explain how Little Red Ridding Hood doesn’t know the difference between her grandmother and a wolf.  Or Goldie Locks tendency to trespass.  I never bought into pigs living in houses or Jack and Jill being that clumsy.  Also how did Humpy Dumpty get up on that wall?

More questions that have bothered me are who picked up the check at the last supper and who let the dogs out?  Also how did Alexander Bell know Mr. Watson’s phone number?  I understand Mr. Watson’s answer machine picked up when he called.

How many people fell off the earth before Isaac Newton discovered the law of gravity?

Since he is called the Lone Ranger, was Tonto his imaginary friend?

I keep seeing things referring to “Deep East Texas.” I live in east Texas and there is nothing deep about it.

 

 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

 

 

 

 

Bubbles From My Soapbox

 

The mid-term elections have turned out to be mid-terminal for many Republicans whose political careesr are now DOA. The voting part is over, but the counting part continues.  I am beginning to think that they are using Count Dracula from Sesame Street to do the counting.  Many of the contests are still too close to call.  Colorado Congressmoron Lauren (Bobblehead) Boebert is in a tight race, but she says she will win because she has found a number of votes for her that were stuffed in a tip jar in the bar she owns in Colorado.

Donald Jerk Trump is complaining that all the candidates that he picked who lost were recommended to him by wife Melanoma and the custodian at Mar-a-Largo.

Otherwise, the big giant Red Wave that was predicted by the Republicans has turned into a small pink drip. Makes sense since that’s who most of the Republican candidates turned out to be.

Many fine folks here in the Lone Star State are still grieving over four more years of Gregg (Hell-on-Wheels) Abbott, but as they say, “Shit floats to the top.”

Now that election time is over, it’s time to start dreading the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, but that is for another post.

Stay tuned for future adventures.