Another Day, A Few More Humps

Hump of the week:

The entire state of North Carolina.  A school board in North Carolina will now allow students to carry pepper spray into the bathrooms to fend off intruders. School board member Travis (My Age And My I.Q. Are The Same Number) Allen said he thought this was a good idea because he had been pepper sprayed a number of times and it really hurts.  I wonder if anyone thought to ask him why he had been pepper sprayed a number times.

Oklahoma pastor Alvin (I Really Am A) Weasel was caught for the second time trying to carry a gun on an airplane. The good rev thought that maybe this was God’s way of teaching him a lesson. He said, "Perhaps he's trying to use this so others can learn from my mistake and then perhaps he's using this to teach me.”  I’m a little confused here.  Was God trying to teach him not to carry a gun on an airplane or teaching him to hide it better.  

Texas Senaterrible and Republican Presidential failure, Rafael (Creepy & Sleazy) Cruz is finally starting to get what is coming to him.  Seems the FEC has caught him with his hand in the cookie jar for taking in more money from contributors than is allowed, so he has to pay it back. On top of that he is being sued for several hundred thousand dollars for using music in his campaign ads without permission.  I’m pretty sure God told him to do that.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

I'm Just Sayin'

I’m really confused over this Trump thing.  All I see are articles about how Donald (Hair-Brained) Trump is going to ruin the Republican Party.  Did I miss something here?   Wasn’t it Republicans who have made him the nominee?  

After all folks, Fox News, hate talk radio and the Republican Party have been building and cultivating these racist, misogynistic, bigoted morons for over a decade and now that these same morons have found a candidate that they like, the party is all aghast. Boy that Karma can sure bite you in the ass sometime.  

Maine Governor Paul (Certified Asshole) Le Page wants to have a job in the Trump administration if he gets elected President King.  Pinhead Paul who has a reputation for being a offensive buffoon would fit right in nicely.  Most of Looney LePage’s vetos have been overturned so I think he is wanting to go somewhere he can be rejected on a national level.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Harrarrumph Day

Could be the Hump of the Year.

Of all the incredibility stupid, arsine statements that have slithered out of slimy politician’s mouths in the last few days, this one takes the cake. Texas Lt. Governor Dan (I Was A Sports Nut, Then A Religious Nut And Now I’m Just Nuts) Patrick uttered these words today. "I would love to see Ted Cruz as president one day but I would really love to see him on the Supreme Court the next 40 years. He could be the greatest Supreme Court justice in our time.” 

Like they say, “Everything is bigger in Texas”, apparently that goes for morons too. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Soap Box

I really didn’t think that any Governor could top Texas Governor Gregg (Hell-On-Wheels) Abbott for being a total asshole, but I was wrong.  Republican Governor Paul (Total Asshole) LePage of Maine is clearly a contender.  Peccant Paul vetoed a bipartisan bill that would have allowed pharmacists to dispense an effective anti-overdose drug.  He gave this reason for vetoing it, “Naloxone does not truly save lives; it merely extends them until the next overdose,”  And there you have it,  another compassionate Republican at work. Fortunately lawmakers voted unanimously to override his veto.

Once again I am reminded that I live in the midst of Red-neck, Right-Wing Republican, Religious Wackos.  Lufkin City Councilman Mike (I Come From A Family Of) Hicks plans to introduce an anti-transgender bathroom ordinance in response to Target’s announced restroom policy.  Little Mikey said, “it is the likely impersonation of transgender for criminal purposes that is worrying."  As far as I can tell, there has never been a police report anywhere in the United States of a man putting on a wig and dress so he could go into a ladies restroom to molest children, but I do have to say it seems to me that there are thousands of assholes like Mike out there impersonating Christians.

But on the plus side, I have as my partner in crime and cohort in life, one of the most creative people on the planet.  She is a great artist and wonderful writer and you don’t have to take my word for it because you can check it out right here.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

There Is Dumb and there is Dumber

Texas Senaterrible Rafael (Creepy & Sleazy) Cruz had a John (Civil War Veteran) McCain moment this week.  He named Snarly Carly (I Can Run Any Company Into The Ground) Fiorina as his running mate. Snarly doesn’t quite come down to Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full-Time Moron) Palin level of ignorance, but she makes up for it by being a total asshole. I’m not sure why little Rafael thinks he is going to win the nomination, but I would say his odds of getting it are about the same as the sun rising in the west in the morning.

Cruz’s Stepford wife Heidi-Doody who is obliviously not dealing with a full deck (after all she is married to this dufus),  jumped into the stupidity game also this week by making this comment, “We are at a cultural crossroads in our country, and if we can be in this race to show this country the face of the God that we serve — this Christian God that we serve is the foundation of our country, our country was built on Judeo-Christian values, we are a nation of freedom of religion, but the God of Christianity is the God of freedom, of individual liberty, of choice and of consequence,”  Evidently Heidi’s home schooling didn’t include history books.

Here is what the founding fathers say about being a Christian Nation.

"The government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion."
--John Adams

“Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise.”
James Madison

“History, I believe, furnishes no example of a priest-ridden people maintaining a free civil government. This marks the lowest grade of ignorance of which their civil as well as religious leaders will always avail themselves for their own purposes.”
Thomas Jefferson

“Congress has no power to make any religious establishments.”
Roger Sherman, Congress, August 19, 1789

“The legislature of the United States shall pass no law on the subject of religion.”
Charles Pinckney, Constitutional Convention, 1787

“Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst.”
Thomas Paine

“I wish it (Christianity) were more productive of good works … I mean real good works … not holy-day keeping, sermon-hearing … or making long prayers, filled with flatteries and compliments despised by wise men, and much less capable of pleasing the Deity.”
Benjamin Franklin —

And of course the patron saint of the GOP and Creepy Cruz’s hero.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Hump Day Humps

Republican candidate for the Texas state school board of education Mary Lou (Home Schooled Moron) Bruner posted this incredibly stupid comment on Facebook this week.  “The federal government wants to indoctrinate the little children, teaching them a homosexual marriage is just as good as a marriage with a father and a mother. The federal government wants to push its socialistic and multicultural agenda onto these impressionable little children who believe anything they are told.”  Of course Vacation Bible School filling impressionable little children with bullshit is a totally different deal.

Anita (I Need A Gun To Go To The Bathroom) Staver who is President of a hate group called Liberty Counsel was upset this week at Target’s restroom policy.  Asshole Anita tweeted that she would be carrying her Glock with her when goes to the ladies room.  Hopefully when she squats, her gun will go off and shoot her in the______. 

The Cleveland Police Patrolman Association couldn’t bring themselves to offer any kind of apology after the six million dollar settlement was announced in the shooting death of Tamir Rice.  I mean after all the police are good guys and never do any thing wrong.  Yeah right, I remember when everybody thought Catholic Priest were good guys too. 

Simpsonville, SC, which I am pretty sure was named after Homer Simpson, Police Chief  Keith (My I.Q. And Gun Are Both 45’s)Grounsell was suspended for 30 days without pay over racial comments he made on Facebook.  KKKeith said he thought only his friends could read what he said on Facebook..  As if his  friends can read.  





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday Morning Soapbox

60 people wrote to the Judge who is going to sentence Dennis (I Should Have Been A Priest) Hastert to prison to ask him not to be harsh with the sentence because little Denny is such a nice person.  After the judge said he would not read any of them if they refused to let the public see them, 20 of them slipped back into the child molester fan club closet.

A number of former Conressmorons including former House LoudMouth “Hot Tub” Tom (Ignore Me Without) DeLay wrote that Denny Pooh was a man of strong faith.  Yeah, I pretty sure he was positive that he would never get caught. I understand the family writing, but anybody else writing is a total asshole.

Another example of why Oklahoma’s motto is Oklahoma Is Oakie Dopey.  State Rep. David ( Double Dumb ) Brumbaugh said that even though Oklahoma was facing a 1.6 billion dollar deficit that the fine folks up there shouldn’t worry about it because “If we take care of the morality, God will take care of the economy.” Wow, God is picking up the tab for Oklahoma’s incredibly stupid Republican policies.  I guess he will just dig up a couple blocks of those streets of gold and send them down to cover the deal.

It appears to me that The Republican Party is headed toward a brokered broken convention in Cleveland.  I am pretty sure it is going to be held here.

Stay tuned for future adventures.