Some Stuff That Ran Through My Brain And Came Out My Computer

What A Deal.  Starbucks is now selling beer and wine.   You can go in and get hammered, then they sober you up so you can drive home.

I just saw where Wrangler has dropped Bret Farve.  I thought it was the other way around.

According to national statistics, a kid is bullied every seven minutes.  Damn, we need to find that kid and find him now…..

A new study out shows that men are better at sweating than women.  Now there is something to brag about.  I can’t wait to throw that one out the next time I’m out with the guys. Speaking for myself, I think it comes from doing far more dumb things to sweat about than my better half

Warning:  If you receive a text from Bret Farve, don’t open it.

I just saw the movie the trailer for Denzel Washington’s new movie, Unstopable 12.  I don’t know, I think it may be a train wreck.

For those of you holding your breath until the Health Care law is repealed, you need not worry.  You will be long dead before it is….

I guess we know now that Randy Quaid wasn’t acting in those Chevy Chase Vacation movies.  He really is a freeloader.

Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check out Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Penis Pen Pals

The NFL named Bret Farve this week’s MVP….  Most Viewed Penis.

The Situation, the guy from Jersey Shores got kicked off Dancing With The Stars.  He said the judges comments were “Unpositive.” I don’t think that is a word but I am pretty The Situation didn’t “Understand” what the judges were saying or was “Unaware” of the meaning of their words.  I do think The Situation is quite “Unbalanced” in the mental department and definitely in the motor skills area.  Mostly I think his time spent on the show was “Unexceptional, Uneven, Uneventful, Ungracious, Ungainly and Unfortunate.

I kept hearing about the minors trapped in the mine in Chile so when the rescue started I turned on the tv to watch and boy was I shocked.  There wasn’t a kid in the bunch.

Everybody is talking about Kim Jon-il’s son Kim Jon-un who is going to replace the dictator but they never mention anything about his daughter Kim Jon-Palin.  I think he is pissed at her for joining the Tea Party.

Bret Farve favorite pick up line. “Hey wanna see my dick?”

Christine O’Donnell who is running for the Senate from Delaware and now says she is not a witch, thinks she should do better in the next debate.  It will be held at midnight in a cemetery to be named later.  She also admitted that she didn’t attend Oxford but actually graduated from Hogwarts.

I guess Glen Beck is immortal.  He just announced on his radio show that he is not dying.  I’m pretty sure we are all dying, we just don’t know when.

When Bret’s wife was shown the picture of his penis that he sent to the female reporter, she said he must have used a telephoto lens.


There is a bracelet being sold around the country to help fight breast cancer.  They have sold 2 million so far. The bracelet says "I (heart) boobies."  Schools from Florida to California have banned the bracelets saying that the word boobies is inappropriate. No. Cancer is inappropriate. 


Stay tuned for future adventures and check out more Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Inquiring Minds Want To Know.

I have had a number of people ask me about the name of my blog and if I really do sleep til noon.  I sleep til noon some days and would like to sleep til noon everyday but unfortunately I don’t get to.

Sleeping til noon is actually harder than it sounds.  Especially when you live in the world of barking, yapping, howling, growling, moaning dogs.  There are so many dogs in my neighborhood that sometimes it feels like I’m sleeping in a kennel.  There is also all the chirping, singing, whistling birds including a crowing rooster. 

Yes I have rooster in the area.  I don’t know if he has insomnia or if his body clock is screwed up but he crows at 4am or at 11am and sometimes 11pm.  I’m not sure where he lives or I would have already taken him down to meet the nice folks at KFC.
  
Another thing that makes it hard to sleep til noon is that the rest of the world is geared around getting up early.  Way too damn early if you ask me.   There is the phone, trash pick-up, the neighbors firing up their diesel trucks at 6am and school busses stopping and starting just to name a few loud irritating sounds that will completely destroy a great dream sequence.

I have been fortunate that I have had very few eight to five jobs in my life. One of the best things about being a writer is that I get to write when I feel like it and it is either flowing or not.  When it’s not flowing, you can’t force it. I sleep late and I work late, some of my best stuff comes at 2am.

All my life I have been a night owl and I have enjoyed sleeping late when I can and I have always been kidded, harassed and griped at for it.  So here’s the deal.  I have a loving wife that lets me sleep late whenever I can and to the rest of the world I say, my sleeping habits have no bearing on your life whatsoever, so get over it……

Today's good read is a book that came out a few years ago.  It is The Traveler by John Twelve Hawks.  It is the first book of The Fourth Realm Trilogy.  The second book was The Dark River and the third which has just been released is The Golden City.



Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check www.hotslop.com 
for more Sleeps Til Noon stuff.

Merry Christopher Columbus Day

I know I touched on this last week but now that it is here, explain to me why we give Christopher Columbus a national holiday?  I mean now that we know he didn’t discover America and have known that for quite a while.  Like years and years.

Here is a guy who at best discovered the Bahamas.  I can see why travel agents would hold him up as a hero, but by all accounts, Popeye was a better sailor.  He was said to be mean to his men; a slave owner and pretty much a jerk.  Now if we called it National Jerk Day, I would be in to it.  Just think, there are a lot of folks we could honor on that deal.  Just fill in the your nominees here:___________.

Or why don’t we have National Columbus, Texas Day?  That’s a nice little town up the road from Houston with a lot good folks living there.  And there is Columbus, Ohio, and Columbus Georgia. I’m sure all of those folks are nice. 

How about Columbo Day?  He had a pretty good TV show and always discovered who the real killer was.  Chris Columbus directed the first two Harry Potter movies.  I would go for him over Christopher the Bonehead Sailor.

Surly our textbooks don’t still say Chris discovered America, however with the religious right-wing-nuts running the Texas Education Board, you never know.  I’m pretty sure they think Jesus discovered America.

Hey don’t get me wrong, I’m all for holidays.  In fact my postman told me he needs another day off.  He said the stress of losing my mail every week was really wearing him out.

Stay tuned for future adventures and check out Sleeps Til Noon at www.hotslop.com

Observations From A Disturbed Mind

A man was found dead in a video booth in a adult book store last week … Oh My God, porn kills.

Larry King is moving from CNN to CSI.  It was recently discovered that Larry has been dead for three years.

Obviously Bruno on Dancing With The Stars found Micheal Bolton’s dancing as irritating as I find his singing.

The wilderness where Moses was lost for forty years can be walked across in about three weeks.  This guy set the precedent for a man not stopping to ask for directions.

Early voting has begun around the country, so get out and vote and vote often…remember you don’t get to bitch about the jerk who wins if you don’t vote.

At the end of the year, Comcast will take over NBC.  I have been trying to come up with a joke about that for over two weeks and absolutely nothing has popped up.  Apparently Comcast buying NBC is not funny.

A new survey out reports Americans use 41 different combinations of sexual acts.  When I ask a friend of mine what he thought about this, he said he only knew of two…..left or right hand.

A new report out this week shows that the obesity problem in this country is now at an extra large.

The pharmaceutical companies are extending their commercials to three minutes now so they can list all of the harmful side effects.

The DEA conducted a day long take back program today and collected 121 tons of unused drugs…..And that was just at Paris Hilton’s and Lindsay Lohan’s house.

Today's good read is Top Producer by Norb Vonnegut.  An excellent read and very timely.  It's setting is Wall Street and Mr. Vonnegut is to stockbrokers what John Grisham is to lawyers.


Stay tuned for future adventures and be sure and check out Sleeps Til Noon at. www.hotslop.com

Octoberfestering.....

 
Oh boy, it’s October and the month of one of my favorite holidays.  I’ll be getting my costume out shortly and making a list of all the creepy places I’m going to discover.  Of course I’m talking about National Lief Erikson day.  It’s coming up Friday the 9th and it will be great.  You can dress up like a rabid Minnesota Viking football fan for a day and run around eating a huge turkey leg while shouting for more wine.

Why Lief Erikson day?  I’ll tell you why.  Lief was vacationing in Cape Cod and on Martha’s Vineyard five hundred years before Christopher Columbus’s mom dropped her pants so Mr. Columbus could do a little exploring.  The real point here is that Chris was a terrible sailor and never set foot in America.   He got as close as an island in the Caribbean and that was it.  On top of that, how can you say Columbus discovered America when there were native Americans already living here?  It is obvious that Chris might have been a lousy sailor but he had a world class press agent. 

Chris would probably be bigger than ever in today's time.  He would fit right into the headlines of the day with, Paris, Jon & Kate, Bristol, and the Kardashians.  Boneheads who are constantly in the news only because they are boneheads.  The fact that we continue to read about them only proves that our rubbernecker gene is hereditary and at times much stronger than our common sense gene.  
So let's all dress up like Lief Erikson on Friday and see if we can make the local news.

A reminder to check Sleeps Til Noon on www.hotslop.com

Stay tuned for future adventures. 

New York City?

Well I have a little announcement for ya.  It seems that some folks in New York City, NEW YORK CITY?.  I’m sorry but anytime someone in Texas says New York City, NEW YORK CITY?, that happens.  Anyway these folks run a website called www.hotslop.com and they read some of my blog and have asked me to be one of their contributing writers.  I was of course reluctant at first, after all we are talking New York City, NEW YORK CITY?…. 

  But after the huge amounts of money they were talking about, I agreed to join their writing staff. Of course the huge amounts of money had nothing to do with me, but they were talking about huge amounts of money.  Well over $17.00 at one point.

My column will be called Sleeps Til Noon just like my blog and will contain a lot of my blog but with some more edgier stuff.  I invite you to check the site out as they have some very funny articles, videos and other interesting writers.  

Once again it is  http://hotslop.com/friends/sleeps-til-noon  Thanks to everyone for giving some time to reading Sleeps Til Noon and I hope that you continue to enjoy it.  I really appreciate it and now if you would just send money, I would be eternally indebted to you.  You know like forever, all of my life. At least until the money ran out.  That sort of thing.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.