New York City?

Well I have a little announcement for ya.  It seems that some folks in New York City, NEW YORK CITY?.  I’m sorry but anytime someone in Texas says New York City, NEW YORK CITY?, that happens.  Anyway these folks run a website called www.hotslop.com and they read some of my blog and have asked me to be one of their contributing writers.  I was of course reluctant at first, after all we are talking New York City, NEW YORK CITY?…. 

  But after the huge amounts of money they were talking about, I agreed to join their writing staff. Of course the huge amounts of money had nothing to do with me, but they were talking about huge amounts of money.  Well over $17.00 at one point.

My column will be called Sleeps Til Noon just like my blog and will contain a lot of my blog but with some more edgier stuff.  I invite you to check the site out as they have some very funny articles, videos and other interesting writers.  

Once again it is  http://hotslop.com/friends/sleeps-til-noon  Thanks to everyone for giving some time to reading Sleeps Til Noon and I hope that you continue to enjoy it.  I really appreciate it and now if you would just send money, I would be eternally indebted to you.  You know like forever, all of my life. At least until the money ran out.  That sort of thing.  

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Odds and Ends.....Mostly Odd.

In the Viagra ads they always say, “If an erection last for more than four hours call your doctor.”  If a man’s erection lasted four hours, he would call everybody he knew.

I’m sorta surprised that Sarah Palin got booed on a dancing show. She’s one of the biggest tap dancers in the world.

I see where George Blanda kicked off  this week.

Lady Gaga is lobbying to change the military’s, “Don’t ask, Don’t tell policy.”  She wants to change it to “I’ll show you mine if you’ll show me yours.”

Did you know the word tavern came from the latin word tabernaculum  which in English means tabernacle?  I'm just telling you this so that the next time you come staggering in at 2am and your wife wants to know where you’ve been, you just say you have been doing a little communion down at the tabernacle.

Teachers use to say one of their biggest problems with kids was ADD and a little too much spirit.  Now its AT&T and Sprint…..

It seems parents all over the country were upset with Katy Perry’s low-cut dress on Sesame Street. This is a show where Grover, Elmo, and Oscar the grouch don’t wear pants.

According to a new survey, home schooling is on the rise.  My parents wanted to home school me, but couldn’t find a teacher who made house calls.

The list of nominees for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame came out this week.  Unlike in 2006 when the Sex Pistols were inducted, everybody on the list can actually play and sing.

The attorney for the city manager of Bell, CA who was being paid $800,000 a year stated today that the reason his client was paid such a huge salary was because the city council believed he was worth it.  The city council also believes the earth is flat, Madonna can act and that George W. Bush was a great president.

With all the hot air that comes out of Hollywood, I’m surprised the temperature in Los Angles isn’t higher.

Linday Lohan is back in rehab and she says that she is going to pass those drug tests no matter how many hours of studying it takes.


 Today's good read is The Last Ember by Daniel Levin.  If you liked the The Da Vinci Code you will enjoy this one.









Stay tuned for future adventures.

Pondering, Thinking, Ruminating and Speculating

Star magazine has accused Ashton Kutcher of cheating on his wife Demi Moore.  Word is Demi caught him in bed with his camera.

Supposedly the Tea Party candidate for Senator from Delaware is a witch.  I don’t care just as long as she’s no longer married that dipshit Darrin.

Blockbuster is going out of business.  Newsflash….. Blockbuster has been out of business for years.

I think the distrust I have for doctors started the day I was born.  When the doctor slapped me on the ass I remember thinking, “What the hell did I do?”

I understand Lady Gaga is endorsing a new perfume; it’s called A-1 Steak Sauce.

The trapped Chilean coal miners have sent word that they are very depressed.  Apparently they just found out David Hasselhoff was voted off Dancing With The Stars the first week.

Why is the Miss Universe pageant always held on Earth?

The only way baseball would be interesting is if they just played one inning, needed one out and ties were settled with a steel cage match.

3-D movies, 3-D Television, 3-D Computers.  What’s next?   Live concerts and Broadway shows in 3-D?

Wow, the top of the Republican agenda is cutting taxes. Man, I didn’t see that one coming.  Now there is some really radical out-of-the-box thinking.

.This is for anyone holding a sign that says “Take America Back.”  Unless you are a Native American…”Shut the f#*k up.”

A spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s dept. said at a news conference that Lindsay Lohan had been a model prisoner. She didn’t break a single law the entire hour she spent in jail.  No sir, not even a parking ticket.

Undercover Boss should be interesting this week.  The guy is head of the Mafia.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Getting Old Is Not For Sissies

The old saying “If it is too loud, you’re too old” is completely wrong.  If you are old, it’s not loud enough.  “Huh, what did ya say?”  “Do what?” 

A good safety feature on automobiles for the older generation would be to have the horn wired to the turn signals.

There are some things that you absolutely can’t do until you get older, like growing hair in all the wrong places.

The difference between a wise elder statesman and a grumpy old asshole is about $100,000 dollars.

I am assuming that God no longer likes old people.  Why else would people in the Old Testament live to be 800 years old and today it’s down to 75.

They say inside every old man there is a young man asking, “What the hell happened?”  In Bret Favre’s case, it’s his teammates asking that question.

So far the only positive aspect of Bret Favre’s passing game is that he hasn’t passed out or passed a kidney stone.  I really didn’t think Bret was too old to play until I watched a game last week and he had to call time out five times to go pee.






Today's good read is The Midnight House by Alex Berenson.  Alex is one of my favorite CIA thriller writers.  This is his new one.


 Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Golden Rule

You know the one, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”   I truly believe if we all followed this simple rule the world would be a much better place.  Unfortunately the golden rule that seems to be used in today’s world is “He who has the gold, rules.”

Speaking of gold, gold’s value is a cultural phenomenon.  Mostly it is deemed valuable because it is RARE.  Well, that got me thinking.  Uh oh, here we go again with me thinking.

Here are some other things that are very rare in this world.

• Anyone in Washington who has any common sense.

• Corporations who have a clue to who their employs are.

• Radio stations that plays more than twenty songs over and over.

• Talk radio host who actually know what they are talking about.

• Politicians who tell the truth.

• Celebrities who have actually done something creative.

• A Wall Street banker who has a conscience.

• Me getting up before noon.

 Why do they give you a gold watch when you retire?  Once you’re retired, why would you care what time it is?  They should give it to you when they hire you so you can get to work on time






 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Let's Talk Sex

So I was reading an article the other day and it kept referring to casual sex.   When I got to thinking about it, I wondered if there was such a thing as formal sex.  I mean we have casual dress and formal dress, casual dinning and formal dinning and etc.  It just stands to reason if there is casual sex there must be formal sex. 

It can’t have anything to do with a dress code because I would think in either setting both parties would be naked.  I would think formal sex would consist more of “Pardon me, may I?” and “Oh very lovely.” And a lot of “Oh yes, that is perfect.” And “Oh goodness, that is heavenly.”  Possibly there is, “Oh my, that is quite larg….er, grand.”  And a lot of “Yes please do continue.”  And “Dear me, I do believe I am arriving.” 

I would think the bedside copy of “Everything You Wanted To Know About Sex But Were Afraid To Ask” has been replaced with Emily Post’s book of Etiquette.

And for something entirely different, I just ate in a restaurant that had a sign up by their soda machine that said “refills for dine-in customers only”  Did they really have that many people getting food to go, going home and eating, and then coming back and refilling their drinks? 

A word of warning, according to the synonym police, yelling combustion, ignition, spark or conflagration in a theater is illegal.

This just in, Lindsay Lohan has failed another drug test.  Maybe instead of rehab, they should have sent her to study hall.

After years of research, it appears the first mail order bride in the world was ordered by Cain.

Today's good read is Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins.  It is the second book of her Hunger Games trilogy and maintains the pace set in the first one.  I can't wait to read the third one.


 





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Costco Manifesto Part Deux

I was in COSTCO the other day and they had this booth by the exit that had a big read arrow under a sigh that said Tell Us What You Think.  Well I couldn’t pass that up.

I think the New York Jets after not being able to find the end zone in their first game, didn’t score with the female sportscaster either.

I think that genealogy is the study of Barbara Eden.

I think rock stars should have names like Boulder or Granite or maybe Marble.

I think, therefore I am….. Some what confused

I think the news media should be referred to as the here-is-what-we think-happened- today media.

I think that no matter how mad she was at him, Quasimodo’s mother never told him to straighten up and fly right.

I think war is stupid and peace is intelligent.

I think the only people involved in fighting the War on Poverty is the Salvation Army.

I think the law of gravity is the only true law and all others are man made and can be changed in a day.

I think that a lot of the members of the Tea Party are revolting. By the way, do they only get together in the afternoons?

I think banks think it’s their money.

I think music is wonderful and the music business sucks.

I think the next time that pop-up comes up on your computer screen about how much your car insurance will run or how much grant money you can get by calculating your age, you should plug in 103 or 6.

I think what I really hate about spam mail is all the time it takes to answer it.

I think baseball games should only be six innings long so we don’t have to sing that stupid “Take me out to the ballgame” song.

I think being a tattoo artist would be a really sticky job.

I think COSTCO didn’t really want to know what I think about everything.








Stay tuned for future adventures.