More Than Enough Dumb To Go Around

And the winner for the most hated man in America goes to Walt (I’m An Even Bigger Dick Than Cheney) Palmer.  Walt of the extremely tiny penis is the asshole who killed Cecil the lion who lived peacefully under legal protection for 13 years in a national park in Zimbabwe.   Evidently Wacko Walt, a dentist,  wasn’t satisfied with just dealing his patients a lot of pain and wanted to make the whole country suffer.

I didn’t think Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump could possibly utter anything more repulsive than the “Mexicans coming across the borders are rapist” comment, but he has managed to do it this week. Ole Donnie said that he’d be ecstatic to include Sarah (Half-Ass Governor, Full Time Moron) Palin in his cabinet if he’s elected to the nation’s highest office. He went on to say, “she really is somebody who knows what’s happening and she’s a special person,” This could be the statement that turns the tide.

A passage out of  Ivana Trump’s 1993 book "Lost Tycoon: The Many Lives of Donald J. Trump". Sub-titled “The J Stands for Jerk”, where she accuses little Donnie of rape has caused a quite a stir in the media this week.  The Don was quite low-key when asked about the accusation.  He wanted to know which one was Ivana?

On the other hand The Don’s lawyer Michael (I’m No Matlock) Cohen went off on rant ending with, “You cannot rape your spouse,” he said. “There’s very clear case law.” I understand that American University where Mikey studied called and wanted their law degree back.

I am really confused about the NFL upholding Tom (My Balls Always Have Air) Brady’s 4 game suspension.  I thought the Patriot Act had expired.

Here is the latest report on the Jade Helm military exercise in Texas. 

• Number of people incarcerated in Wal-Mart stores….0
• Number of guns confiscated …0
• Number people’s constitutional rights violated ….0
• Number of  political dissidents rounded up…..0

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Bubbles From The Soap Box

I understand the folks at Faux News who are televising the Republican debate coming up have decided to change the format because of the number of candidates clowns who have signed up to utter sound bites.  They are going to have Chuck Barris be the MC along with The Gong show judges, J.P. Morgan, Rip Taylor and Jamie Farr.  When the judges don’t like the candidate’s clown’s answer, Chuck will gong them and they will bring on another candidate clown. If you have forgotten The Gong Show, let me refresh your memory.

 I have always thought Texas Governor Gregg (Hell On Wheels) Abbott was a total asshole (even trees hate him), but I never knew he was a scientologist.  Greggy Pooh just a vetoed Senate Bill 359 which had sailed through the Republican led conservative legislature with no problems.

The Bill would have given a window of protection for doctors who sometimes have to make a difficult decision in choosing between illegally holding mentally ill patients and letting them leave with the real possibility they might be a danger to themselves or the community.  The legislation would have allowed hospitals to retain patients for up to four hours,It seems the lobby that was pushing for the veto was Citizens Commission on Human Rights a group that was founded by The Church of Scientology.

Former musician, preacher, Governor and Talk Show blowhard Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee is exhibiting that age old Republican malady, selective amnesia.  This week little Mikey spewed out that the President was leading the Israelis to the door of the ovens, but in 2008 the Huckster had this to say, “Another way to contain Iran is through diplomacy. We must be as aggressive diplomatically as we have been militarily since 9/11.”  Of course that was before a black President came along and diplomatically made a deal with Iran. 

As most of you know, my sweetie and I moved to country a few years ago and I have noticed that the dumpy little town closest to us has three Burke Mental Health Centers which specialize in depression. Evidently a large number of people are being treated because they live in Congressmoron Louie (I Really Am As Dumb As I Look) Gohmert’s district. I know just how they feel.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday All Over Again

Evidently Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee and Rick (All Hair, No Brains) Perry have been watching Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump rise to the top of the Republican polls by making incredibly stupid statements and have decided they can be just as stupid.

Little Mikey jumped into the fray by comparing the President to Hitler with his “leading the Israelis to the ovens” statement and Ricky Pooh by saying that everyone in the movie theater should have a gun. I would say both of those statements would be deemed Trump worthy.

Honorable Mention goes to Loseranna Governor Booby (Jihad) Jindal for saying that the shooting in the theater in his state proves that we need to spend more money on mental health care.  I guess little Booby forgot that he cut 34 million dollars from mental health care in his budget two years ago.  

I just came across an interesting article talking about how all of the blowhards on Faux News right after George Warmonger Bush had brought the economy to an all time low by letting the Wall Street banks run amok began to tell everyone they needed to put their money in gold.

Well it seems that a whole lot of the boneheads who had a lot more money than common sense did just that and gold climbed to an all time high of $1900 an ounce. Of course as we all know, nothing stays the same and gold is now down about $900 dollars an ounce, but here is the real problem. Gold is different than investing in other things. Gold is a physical thing and has to be stored and storage cost a lot of money. So not only have they lost a lot of money on their investment, but they have to pay a ton of money to store it
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All of this reminded me of post I wrote a few years ago so I thought I would re-post it just for grins.

The Golden Rule

You know the one, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”   I truly believe if we all followed this simple rule the world would be a much better place.  Unfortunately the golden rule that seems to be used in today’s world is “He who has the gold, rules.”

Speaking of gold, gold’s value is a cultural phenomenon.  Mostly it is deemed valuable because it is RARE.  Well, that got me thinking.  Uh oh, here we go again with me thinking.

Here are some other things that are very rare in this world.

• Anyone in Washington who has any common sense.

• Corporations who have a clue to who their employs are.

• Radio stations that plays more than twenty songs over and over.

• Talk radio host who actually know what they are talking about.

• Politicians who tell the truth.

• Celebrities who have actually done something creative.

• A Wall Street banker who has a conscience.

• Me getting up before noon.

 Why do they give you a gold watch when you retire?  Once you’re retired, why would you care what time it is?  They should give it to you when they hire you so you can get to work on time





Stay tuned for future adventures.  

Friday Foolery

Being the anti-government asshole that he is, Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz thinks that the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau is doing their job a little too well.  After all they just slapped a 700 million dollar fine on Citibank for “deceptive marketing,” “unfair billing,” and “other unlawful practices.”   Little Rafael announced that he has introduced legislation to eliminate the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. In others words, clueless Cruz believes bank robbery is ok, as long as it’s banks doing the robbing. 
 
Rafael also said in an interview this week that he believes Captain Kirk of the TV series Star Trek was probably a Republican.  Obviously little Rafael didn’t see too many episodes or he would have realized the Klingons were the Republicans in that show.

I have noticed that when Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump talks about how much money he has and what a great businessman he is that he doesn’t talk about his Wall Street experience.  Trump Hotels & Casino Resorts lost money every single year that Trump ran it as a public company. 1995 through 2004, the company booked total losses of $647 million dollars. An interesting note, Trump’s competitor Harrah’s Entertainment more than doubled their money. Investors in luxury hotel, casino and resort companies like Starwood and MGM earned returns of more than 400%. Even the plain old stock market index more than doubled.

Sir Don of The Big Mouth also flew down to Texas to meet with the Border Patrol this week.  I understand little Donnie was going to give them some tips on how to catch illegals. The boys at the Patrol canceled however saying that their job was dealing with illegal aliens  not ignorant assholes. The Don then announced that he loved Mexicans and thinks everyone should have one.

I do believe The Don has managed to change the Grand Ole Party into the Goobers Only Party in a matter of weeks.

Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush latest pearls of stupidity to fall out of his mouth is that he thinks we need to get rid of Medicare.  Jeb also wants to raise the retirement age to 70 and thinks if a person needs more money he should work longer. Now I get it where his name came from.  I’ve gone over this before but I’ll cover it again because we might have a quiz later. Jeb is not a name, it’s his initials.  Jaded Elitist Bush.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wednesday Humps

Ohio Governor John (I Know, My Family Doesn’t Know Who I Am Either) Kasich has decided to take a seat on the Republican Presidential Hindenburg.  Little Johnny said in his announcement speech, “I am here to ask you for your prayers, for your support, for your efforts because I have decided to run for president of the United States.  Just read Matthew 25. Did you clothe the naked?”  I am assuming that since the rest of the field has already decided to go after gay folks and illegal immigrants that the only group left for kooky Kasich to rail against are nudist.

Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump is at the top of the Republican polls for President. I think the question posed this week had something to do with that result. It was “Who has the worse hair-do of the Republican candidates?”  Also it good to remember exactly who is all for this asshole. You can see for yourself right here.  

I understand there is a new sexy cook book coming out. It’s “Fifty Shades of Grey Poupon.”

Check out this “Jesus loves you, but not if you’re gay” Christian.  South Carolina pastor Darren ( Dare To Be Stupid) Squires has sent a letter to the Governor of that state asking if he can forbid gays from attending his church.  Dipshit Darren said, “It doesn’t matter if a man goes with a man, that’s his choice.”  Obviously it does matter to Double Dumb Darren or he wouldn’t be making an ass of himself, but as you can see from his facebook picture, being an asshole comes naturally to Dingbat Darren.   

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday, Monday

Back from our little jaunt down to Houston where we met some dear old friends and met some new ones that are now dear.  It was a fun trip, but I have to admit that I certainly don’t miss the traffic.  In Houston we use to live right off of this road, now claiming to be the world’s widest freeway.

Now we live off of this road. See I have been telling everyone I’m on the straight and narrow.

Looks like Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump has finally pissed off the rest of the Republican Party.  He said that John (Civil War Veteran) McCain was no war hero because he got captured.  This was pretty stupid on many levels.  Little Donnie of course didn’t serve anytime in the military.  I understand he had a note from his mom saying that stupid ole army helmet would mess up his hair.

Only Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz is refusing to say anything bad about Mr. Rump.  In Ames, Iowa clueless Cruz said, “so you want me to say something bad about Donald Trump, or bad about John McCain or bad about anyone else, and I’m not going to do it.”  Of course that is total bullshit because smarmy Cruz has said terrible things about the President of the United States.  I guess if Ted Bundy or Charles Manson were Republicans, he wouldn’t say anything bad about them either.

The real problem the Republicans have with The Don is that he saying out loud what they have been thinking for years.  He is now the official face of the Republican Party and there is not a lot that they can do about it.

 

Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Few Boubles From My Soap Box

I understand the White House is thinking about inviting Bill (Sleep My Pretty One) Cosby for drinks and dinner. The plan is to slip him some Quaaludes and when he passes out, take back his Presidential Medal of Freedom.  

Loseranna Governor  Booby (Jihad) Jindal, Former Talk show blowhard, Preacher and Governor Mike (I Need A Job) Huckabee, Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz, Rick (I Should Be In A) Santorum, Bill (Wife Beater) O’Reilly and many of the other blowhards on Faux News have been raving and ranting for months about the “War On Christianity.”

Let’s take a look at this so called war. There are over 350,000 churches in America. As of today not a single one has been closed or shut down.  The aforementioned boneheads and many different preachers have gone on the TV, radio, newspapers and internet to rant and spew about this so called war.  As of today, not a single one of their mean-spirited stupid words lies has been censored. Some war huh?

I do believe there is cause for a war though and the enemy is the idiots I have just mentioned. It should be the “War on Stupidity” 

The TeaNut Republicans including all of the boneheads signed up in the Republican Presidential Hindenburg are having a conniption fit over Obama's Iran/Nuke deal. They say that Iran is our oldest arch enemy.

The TeaNuts are pretty sure that it was the Iranians who showed Eve how to bake an apple pie. They also say to remember Dec 7th, that it was Iran who bombed Pearl Harbor; it says so in the new Texas history books. And when we tried to help the Iranians run their country by sending them that nice Shaw guy they said he was a maniacal mass murder and replaced him with that Oldmeanie person. Also they point out that the Israeli Whine Minister Bennie I'manut, who we pay zillions of dollars to be our best friend, says that Iran should return to their old name of Persia and get back into the rug business.  

One last thought and I’m done with it on the Confederate Flag.  The boneheads who want to keep it flying say it’s because they want something that is a symbol of their heritage.  Then what they need to do is find something in their history that they can be proud of and the rest of the world would think was something good. I’m sure there are a number of things and then design a flag around that. The Civil War and slavery is not something they should be proud of. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.  

Hump Day Of Hump Days

Oh boy, today’s the day that Jade Helm starts. That’s the military exercise that is taking place outside of Bastrop, Texas. You know the one where the Army is going to lock everybody up in the Wal-Mart stores and take away everybody’s guns.  But have no fear, Operation “Counter Jade Helm” or CJH as the locals like to refer to it, is a group of volunteers who are going to be keeping a watch on everything to make sure none of this happens.

The CJH, dumb name by the way, I don’t know why they didn’t call it the Boneheads of Bastrop, anyway, it was started by these three goobers, by Pete ( Paranoid) Lanteri, William (Terrified) Silaghi and John (Unhinged) Spartan. Wow, Lanteri, Silaghi, and Spartan. Now those are three classic Texas names. They claim to have ten thousand volunteers who are going to be driving around in an attempt to document what’s happening.  I figure when you add the army into the mix of ten thousand rubber-neckers, the only problem will be a large number of accidents.

Here is the real part I don’t understand about the CJH. What exactly are they going to do if the Army starts rounding people up? The military has soldiers, guns, tanks, helicopters and airplanes. The only things these bonehead CJH volunteers have are low I.Q.s.

Wisconsin Governor Scott (Kochhead) Walker came out of the gate swinging. Yes sir, he said his first day in office he would repeal Obamacare and terminate the deal with Iran….that is provided he is not in prison. 

It looks like Donald (Hair-Brained) Rump finally pissed off the wrong Mexican.  Joaquin “El Chapo” Guzman the drug kingpin who just escaped from prison tweeted The Don and told him he was going come to America and shut him up just as soon as he got his green card.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

The Hits Just Keep Coming

South Carolina State Represenitive TeaNut Republican Michael (I Really Am The) Pitts did his best last week to keep the legislators from voting to remove the Confederate flag.  Little Mikey introduced 25 amendments to the bill in an effort to shut down the system. Of course all he accomplished was to waste a lot people’s time.  I wonder how much this bonehead could have accomplished if he had spent that time and energy writing bills and amendments that could actually be positive for his fellow South Carolinians.   

The most arrogant statement of last week goes to Jeb (At Least I’m Not Neil) Bush.  This asshole who has never hit a lick a snake as far I as I can tell and has an estimated wealth of between 19 and 21 million dollars said that workers need to work longer. I doubt if this bonehead can spell work.

Texas Senaterrible Rafael (I Don’t Have A Clue) Cruz wants the New York Times to apologize for not putting his book, A Time For Truth, on their best seller list.  The Times said they were simply doing what his book title implied by saying that it is not a best seller when you are the one buying all of the books.  

Wisconsin Governor Scott (Street) Walker is climbing on board the Republican Presidential Hindenburg. I believe his name tag will have 116 on it.  Scott could be the second Presidential candidate to be indicted by grand jury of a crime by debate time, joining Rick (All Hair, Not Brains) Perry.  Prosecutors presented documents last week that accuse little Scotty of being the center of a criminal scheme.   

There has been quite the controversy over George Warmonger Bush taking money to give a speech to wounded war veterans. It was a fundraiser for “Helping A Hero”, a Texas based charity.  As much as I can’t stand “Warmonger”, I don’t blame him for taking the money, but the real conversation should be about who was the idiot who wanted this bonehead who started the wars they were wounded in to talk to them and who was the asshole who approved the money?

Donald ( Hair-Brained) Rump seems to have a problem with numbers. I don’t think little Donny actually went to school, I believe his daddy bought it for him, but if he did, he certainly failed math.

Recently he said that there were 34 million illegal aliens in the country.  The estimate is closer to 11 million. Then over the week-end he said that the crowd he drew in Phoenix was over 20,000.  Wrong, the arena it was held in only holds 4100 people.  And of course his biggest numerical mistake is claiming that his I.Q. is over 40. The Don went on to tell the crowd that, "we're going to take the country back." Yes back to 1950 or possibly 1850.  Someone needs to tell little Donny that backward is never the right direction. 

Stay tuned for future adventures.