Friday, July 29, 2011

Pondering on Politics



What we really need raised in Washington D.C. is the intelligence level.  Here is a bunch of sorry assed, incompetent, narcissistic jerks who are only concerned with their own political agenda and here are my reasons for saying that.  Since 1940 Congress has passed 91 debt ceiling bills.  Under President Reagan, it was raised 17 times, George W. Bush, 7 times and so far under Obama, 3 times.  By my calculations, Obama has 14 to go….  

 
Here is another creep that is so concerned about the national debt. Tea Party Congressman from Chicago's northwest suburbs, Republican Congressman, Joe Walsh, made this statement when talking about the national debt, "He won't place one more dollar of debt upon the backs of my kids."   Guess what? This jerk owes those same children and his ex-wife more than $100,000 in child support. 

 
Congressman David Wu (D-Ore.) announced his resignation on Tuesday, July 26, after facing nearly a week of accusations involving an aggressive sexual encounter with a teenager.  Between Wu and Tony Weiner, the Democrats are proving that when it comes to doing incredibly stupid things while in public office, they can stand toe to toe with the Republicans every day of the week.

 
A San Francisco judge Thursday slashed, er uh, cut, I mean amputated…damn, uh severed, dissected…Oh hell he struck a proposed circumcision ban from the city's November ballot.


Stay tuned for future adventures.


Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Politics as Usual


Anybody that has read my musing and pondering over the past year know that I really can’t stand politicians and I don’t care which party they cater too.  And from the comments I receive and articles I read, it seems that an awful lot of people feel the same way, especially in light of the crap that is going on in Washington today.

So why is it we keep getting the same ole pinheads in office?  Here is a big reason: a whole lot of folks aren’t voting.  In last November’s general election, only 27% of Texas voted.  27%... This is why nothing is getting done in Texas or Washington.  The sad part is that is exactly what the politicians want.  They don’t want the masses voting and they are doing everything in their power to keep turn-out low, such as the new voting ID laws they have just enacted here in our fair state of Texas and in numerous other states. Low turn-outs keep the incumbents and the unqualified in office. We can bitch, moan and gripe all we want, but until we really start showing up at the polls, nothing is going to change.

So once again we are coming up on a long drawn out presidential race and all of our attention is focused on who’s going to be President.  You can like or dislike the President all you want but our problems aren’t because of who is President.  No matter who is President, the opposition party spends every moment telling everyone what a bad job the President is doing.  This is a smoke screen to keep the spotlight off of the real problem and that is Congress.  They are the one doing the bad job. I thought they wanted to be elected so they could govern?  Silly me.  They want to posture, pose and line their pockets.

They make decisions based on what is good for their party or their career, not what is good for the country.  These are the people who write and enact the laws, rules and regulations for our country and the real sad part is that most of the laws aren’t even being written by them.  They are being written by lobbyist, paid lackeys who work for the highest bidders. 

There is less media coverage of people running for Congress than who is running for President.  When we have elections in off years, we have even lower turnouts. And even our Presidential elections pale in comparison to other countries around the world.  One of the worse things is straight ticket voting.  This is another manipulation set up by parties to keep incumbents in office.

One of the main reasons we have such lousy members of Congress is that people continue to bitch and harp about every Congressman and Senator but theirs.  It’s always the guy in the other district or state that is the screw-up.  A prime example happened recently. Congressman Weiner of New York of the famed “Wienergate” scandal who lied to try to get out of his incredibly stupid act yet his constituents were willing to still back him.  He is an idiot, he lied and he obviously has a major problem, but they were willing to keep him in office.  Fortunately, the rest of the House was not willing to keep him and forced his resignation.   Gee, I wonder why the country is in trouble. 


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Six Degrees of Michele Bachmann




Congresswoman from Minnesota
Minnesota is the land of a 1000 lakes.
A1000 lakes is a lot of lakes.
Lost of lakes means lots of fishermen.
Lots of fishermen are big fat liars.
Michele Bachmann is an idiot and that’s no lie.


Walter Mondale was a Senator from Minnesota
He became Vice-President under Jimmy Carter
Jimmy Carter was the Governor from Georgia.
Jimmy became the 39th President.
Jimmy had a brother named Billy.
Billy was almost as big an idiot as Michele Bachmann


Michele went to law school in Oklahoma.
Oklahoma’s motto is “Oklahoma is OK” because they couldn’t spell mediocre.
Oklahoma only had two things above average..
The Broadway musical “Oklahoma” and Will Rogers.
“Oklahoma” won lots of awards.
Will Rogers was famous for saying “I never met a man I didn’t like but Michele Bachmann is an idiot.”.


Lyndon Johnson was Vice-President to John F. Kennedy.
LBJ became President when JFK died.
Hubert Humphrey was a Senator from Minnesota.
He became Vice-President to President Lyndon Johnson.
Lyndon Johnson was married to Lady Bird Johnson
Michele Bachmann is a bird-brained idiot.


Bret Farve played for the Minnesota Vikings
Bret took a picture of his penis.
Bret sent the picture to a woman reporter.
The woman reporter sent it to the NFL Commisioner.
The commissioner released this statement.
Bret Farve is as big an idiot as Michele Bachmann..


Robert Zimmerman is from Minnestota
Robert learned to play the guitar.
Robert changed his name to Bob Dylan.
Bob wrote “Like a Rolling Stone.”
The Rolling Stones recorded “Bitch.”
Michele Bachmann is an idiot.



 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Monday, July 18, 2011

New Religious Sect: Perrysites


 The Far Right Reverend Rick (I think I’m Jesus) Perry’s up coming big-time fall-down-on-your-knees pray-a-thon at Houston’s Reliant Stadium is called “The Response.”  Well here is my response, “Dear Rick, GO TO HELL.” 

The more I read about Preacher Perry’s big come to Jesus meeting, the more I think it’s not Obama’s gig he is wanting, but wanting to be the next Jerry Farwell or Pat Robertson.  You can line you pockets with a political job (and he has done quite well) but the really righteous money is in a mega-church.  Maybe ole Slick Rick’s bank account has a higher calling than I thought.

If you take a look at some of the folks who are behind him on this little sacred shindig, you’ll see what I’m talking about.  Righteous Rick has gotten all involved with the New Apostolic Reformation or NAR as they are commonly called. This bunch of yahoos is really scary.  They have coined a term they call the “Seven Mountains of Society,” which they want to dominate not just politics but all media and entertainment.  A more accurate name for them would be The Texas Taliban.

Another endorser of “The Response” is John Hagee of the Cornerstone Church in San Antonio.  This big fat windbag makes Pat Robertson look sane, and believe me folks that is saying something.  Here is quote from ole John,   “Christians don’t steal or lie, they don’t get divorced or have abortions.”  John, of course, dumped his wife and kids for a younger woman.  John’s little con game takes in about $18 million a year.  I believe that is quite a bit more than being President of the United States.

The main sponsor of Rick’s righteous scam is the American Family Assocation, a well-known hate group out of Tupelo, Mississippi.   The reason I say scam is that although there will be some praying going on, mostly it will be Rick (The Prophet) Perry preying on large wallets and gullible minds for his profit. 

Many people including churches, other religious organizations and political groups are denouncing the event.  Perry’s response to this was, "Isn’t it just the type of intolerance to say that we can’t gather together in public to pray to our God?"



Rick totally rejects the theory of evolution saying that he knows for a fact nobody in his family has ever evolved.  I’m pretty sure he is right about that.

Actually I hope this bonehead does toss his hat in the ring for the 45th running of the Presidents Cup.  Let the national press get in here and start finding out what a lousy Governor he has been and we will also see how the country feels about having another incompetent, unqualified pinhead for President from Texas.

My main message today is “On August 6th, avoid Reliant Stadium at all cost.”


Today's good read is The Bone House by Brian Freeman.  This is a well written murder mystery that will keep you up late at night turning to the next page.








Stay tuned for future adventures.

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Wicked Witch of the North




Little Miss Tea Party Queen, Michele (I just hate taxes) Bachmann worked for the IRS as a tax collector hounding taxpayers from 1988 until1993.  Don’t you just love it when a politician’s past comes back and bites them right in the ass?

Michele got her law degree from O.W. Coburn School of Law, a division of Oral Roberts University.  The American Bar Association revoked the school’s accreditation in 1981. The school is now known as the Regent University School of Law. This is the exceptionally small, low performing educational dump that, despite being the 136th-ranked law school in the country, where 60 percent of graduates flunked the bar, produced a flood of entrants into the Bush Justice Department.  Now there is an alma mater to be proud of.

Here is the bottom line on Mrs. Bachmann.  She is a homophobic religious zealot who believes that the Chinese are plotting to replace the dollar bill, that light bulbs are killing our dogs and cats, and that God personally chose her to become both an IRS attorney and lawmaker.  After she signed the14-point “Iowa marriage vow” which states that black families were better off under slavery than today, would indicate that she is a racist.  By the way for you Bachmann Believers, racist doesn’t mean you are into NASCAR. 

Michele says she found Jesus when she was 16.  I didn’t even know he was lost. Anyway she doesn’t say when she actually met God but I am assuming it was while she was at Oral Roberts University since Oral claimed to talk to God all the time, I figure he introduced them  at some point.  She was mentored by a crackpot Christian extremist professor named John Eidsmoe, who was a big time contributor to John Birch Society, so maybe John told her he was God.

The Bachmann’s own a clinic that claims they can cure homosexuality.  I understand the system they use is based on a well known prison program from a few years ago called “Scared Straight.”  You may remember they took juvenile delinquents and locked them up with harden criminals. At the Bachmann’s, they call it the same but they lock you up with Richard (Sweatin’ with the Oldies) Simmons.   Even thought the Bachmann’s have denied this, a new undercover video taken in the clinic proves that the Bachmann’s  had rather lie when the truth would sound better.

When asked recently about the final flight of the Space Shuttle she said it was a waste of money because when the Rapture comes we won’t need it, but that we need to honor the Astronauts for their service, especially Lance Armstrong for being the first person to ride a bicycle on the moon.


A woman from Longview Texas gave birth to a 16lb baby.  I understand the delivery was a double D section


I see where Glen (I can dish it out but can’t take it) Beck is moving to Texas. Where in the hell are the “Don’t Mess With Texas” people when you need them?


A couple of new social media networks are cranking up.  One is geared toward people involved with on-line gambling. It’s called Face Bookie.  Another one is for people who enjoy old reruns of Hawaii Five-O.  It’s called Face Book’em Dano.


The world’s best-selling Sunday tabloid, the News of the World, own by Rupert Murdoch has shut down because reporters committed some egregious ethical wrongdoings.  My question is why is Fox News still on the air?

The good news is that Rupert Murdoch's News Corp has abandoned it’s bid for British pay TV company over the voice mail hacking accusations.  A spokesman for Murdoch said that the people responsible for the incidents has been found and fired.   They were identified as Homer Simpson and two co-workers, Lenny and Carl.

A spokesman for Murdoch’s News Corp later released a statement that there was some hacking going on but reminded people that Rupert Murdoch is eighty years old and it was mostly in the mornings when he got up.


Stay tuned for future adventures.
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Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dumb and Dumber Headlines




















This is one of the dumber headlines I’ve seen lately.   “Beatles reunion at the 2012 London Olympics?”  I don't think so.  Maybe Paul and Ringo might be there,but that is not a Beatles reunion. 

I was expecting the article to read something like this.  Beatles reunite for last concert at the 2012 London Olympics.  Special guest appearances from Michael Jackson,  Clarence Clemons, Elizabeth Taylor, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix and Buddy Holly.

This was on MSNBC. What bonehead writes this crap?  I’m pretty sure there are a lot of folks out there with college degrees looking for work that could do a better job than this. Come to think of it, if they like dumb headlines, I believe I could come up with some for them.  How about,

•    “University of Minnesota names Michele Bachmann head of the History Department.”

•    “Rick Perry voted most popular Governor in Texas History.”

•    “Newt and Cruella Gingrich join Shopaholic Anonymous.”

•    “George “W” Bush passes I.Q. test.

•    “Anthony Weiner is GQ model of the month.”

•    “Arnold Schwarzengger named Father of the Year.”

•    “New poll says Americans think Congress is doing a great job.”

•    “Internet fad is over; most people have gone back to reading the newspaper.”

•    “Weapons of Mass Destruction found in Iraq.”

•    “Scientists discover Earth is actually flat.”

•    “Sarah Palin announces she is leaving politics and is returning to Homer Alaska where she plans on   becoming a hermit.”

•    “Ann Coulter wins the Pulitzer Prize for integrity.”

•    “Republicans vote to raise taxes.”

•    “Houston Metro announces plans to take over the space shuttle flights.”



Stay tuned for future adventures





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Monday, July 11, 2011

Apples and Oranges? No..Just Apple


The wonderful world of Apple.  Whatever you need, they have got you covered.  For home computer needs, an I-Mac,

•    For your traveling computer needs, a I-Pad

•    Communications there is I-Phone

•    For musical needs, you have I-Pod

•    Exciting movies, there is I-Max

•    If you're hungry, I-HOP

•    Traveling coast to coast,  I-10

•    You need a wacked out religious priest, I-atollah, 

•    Good vision they have I-glasses

•    Want beautiful scenery there is I-daho

•    Deodorant they have I-Smell

•    Feelings of apathy there is I-don’t care

•    To act like Rush Slimbaugh they have I-know everything

•    To be like Sergeant Schultz there is I know nothinz



 Stay tuned for future adventures


Friday, July 8, 2011

Froggy Friday


Mother Nature finally gave us a nice little shower bath this week here in Spring Branch.  It was quite refreshing and lots of fun until the cops came by and made us put our clothes back on. What a bunch of spoil sports.

   
What’s next for Roger (I’m no Rocket scientist) Clemens?  I mean after his trial on perjury charges.  Well let’s see, here is a bonehead who had an affair with a 15 year old girl when he was 28 and is on trial for perjury because he insisted on appearing before Congress when he didn’t have to. Hey, he is a shoe-in for politics.



Here is a headline for you. “More than 100 people have had their identities stolen in Huntsville, a small town Texas.”  You would think in a small town people would still know who you are.



A man wearing SpongeBob SquarePants pajama bottoms and an accomplice, who he kept referring to as Patrick Star, robbed a Family Dollar Store in north Harris County of all their butterfly nets. 



Ok Houstonians, next time you run a red light, remember to SMILE.  They have turned the red light cameras back on.



File this one under irony of the year story.  A man in New York was riding his motorcycle without a helmet in a parade protesting helmet laws.  He lost control, fliped over the handle bars and died when his head hit the pavement.  The ride Sunday was organized by American Bikers Aimed Toward Education, known as ABATE.  "Mandatory helmet laws do nothing to prevent accidents," a spokesman for ABATE said.  No dumbass, it prevents you from being KILLED when you have an accident.  Maybe ABATE should aim a little higher.



Congress is up burning the midnight oil trying to come to a compromise on Federal debt limit. First of all they have raised the debt limit 16 times since 1993, so I really don’t think 17 is the one that will break the camel’s back and plus I have a quick way to fix everything.  Just make money worth more.  The $5 dollar bill is now worth $10 dollars, the $10 bill is worth $20 and so on.  Over night everyone would have twice as much money and we could go on playing this little game of pretense, but do they ever call and ask me what to do?...No


 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Two Faced Party



You knew sooner or later the GOP (Gang of Pretense) would start bringing out the big guns.  Thaddeus (I just want to be on MTV) McCotter, a guitar-playing congressman from Michigan has thrown his hat into the ring for President.  He says he wants to have his say about the National Debt. I’ll bet he does.  He is a five term congressman and was part of the “We will show those Democrats how to spend money” Republicans from the last decade (Better known as the Bush Debacle), but now he wants to cry about the debt that he helped run up.
  
Why is it that the ones who shout the loudest about gays are usually in the closet and the guy telling you how honest he is is actually picking your pocket?  Also those who bitch the most about Federal spending are down slopping it up at the trough.  Here are a few examples of a number of two-faced Tea Party Republicans who are taking home the cash while moaning loudly about the out of control spending in Congress.

Last week one Republican-run House committee approved bills diluting parts of the financial law requiring reports on corporate salaries and exempting some investment advisers from registering with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Another House panel voted to slice $200 million from Obama's $1.4 billion budget request for the SEC, which has a major enforcement role.  Yes sir, the GOP (Gang of Pinochios) do love those Wall Street bankers.

According to the latest financial reports Wall Street is once again rich and healthy, but unfortunately Main Street is not doing so good.   Now let’s see, where do most of us live, Wall Street or Main Street?  The recession which ended two years ago has left no lingering effects on Wall Street. The Stock Market rallied 90% since the recession and of course 80% of all stock is held by 10% of the people.  Corporate profits and CEO salaries are up, yet hourly workers are making less than a year ago.  Unemployment is the highest and for the longest since the end of World War II. What is wrong with this picture?


Today's good read is Flash Foresight by  Daniel Burrus.  One of the better non-fiction reads I have come across. It will make you think about problem solving in a different way.




 Stay tuned for future adventures.
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Monday, July 4, 2011

Happy Birthday America

Here it is the Fourth of July and time to celebrate.  Two hundred and thirty five years young and just getting started.  We thought we might have some fireworks but the ban is on because it is TOO DAMN HOT.  Then we thought we might go to the beach but it’s TOO DAMN HOT.   I said, “Well let’s go to the park and have a picnic,” but it’s TOO DAMN HOT.  How ‘bout a parade?  It’s TOO DAMN HOT. 



So we will just say Happy Birthday America but PLEASE don’t light any candles.



 Stay tuned for future adventures.
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Friday, July 1, 2011

Bad Hair Daze


Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich just convicted on 17 of the 20 criminal charges against him said that most of his problems stemmed from having a bad hair day everyday of his life.  He also said the hair-trigger on his temper hasn’t helped either.  He admitted to getting involved in a number of hair-brained schemes while in office. When asked what he was going to do now, he replied, “first thing is I need a little hair-of-the-dog and think about it.” 


A man in South Carolina has been struck by lighting for the sixth time and lived to tell about it.  I would think if any symphony orchestras around the country are looking for a conductor, here’s you guy.


This week Al-Qaida's online communications were temporarily crippled leaving it without a single trusted distribution channel available on the Internet.  They must have switched to Comcast.


University of Notre Dame economist William Evans found that mortality rates significantly increased after payday.  Well that’s something I don’t have to worry about.


Here we are coming up on Fourth of July weekend and no fireworks.  It just won’t be same if we can’t get out and set fires, blow off fingers or lose an eye.


There will be no Fourth Of July recess for the Senate.  They will spend the week shooting off their mouths, firing up their base and celebrating how independently wealthy they all are.


I use to celebrate the 4th by drinking a 5th and waking up on the 6th with 3rd degree burns and 1st class hangover.   






Stay tuned for future adventures.
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