Bigger Is Not Always Better

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 Well it seems the Republicans are starting to see that their latest political star, Rick ( I’m a dimwit, not a debater) Perry is turning into a shooting star and is already starting to fade.  Now all they can talk about is getting Corporate Chris (I’m a true American because I love apple pie, I mean I REALLY love apple pie, in fact I love all kinds of pie) Christie into the race.  I guess they want to get a real heavyweight into the fight.
I did a little research on the big man:

•    In 1998 Christie was registered as a lobbyist for the energy industry.

•    In 2001, controversy surrounded his appointment; to be the U.S. Attorney for the District of New Jersey because of Christie's lack of criminal law experience and his history as a top fundraiser for George W. Bush's 2000 presidential campaign

•    Christie's law partner, William Palatucci, a Republican political consultant and Bush supporter, boasted that he had selected a United States attorney by forwarding Christie's résumé to Karl Rove.

•    He is a relative of  Tino Fiumara, a New Jersey mobster known as “The Greek”

•    Christie has also been accused of using his office's role in crafting deferred prosecution agreements to award lucrative federal monitoring positions in no-bid contracts to friends, supporters, and allies.

•    A poll July 2011, showed 55% of New Jersey voters felt the state was moving "on the wrong track",

In other words, ole Corporate Chris is just an overweight Rick Perry.

Andy Rooney is exiting 60 Minutes this Sunday.  He said things still pissed him off but that he was just too old to care.





 Stay tuned for future adventures

What The Hell Did He Say?

I remember when George W. Bush first announced that he was going to run for President, a lot people here in Texas said, “All hat and no cattle,” and we know what kind of disaster that turned out to be. Now that Rick (If you thought “W” screwed up the country, wait til you get a load of me) Perry is running, this is what a lot of people here in Texas are saying. “Hell he doesn’t even have a hat.”

I came across this video of Governor Perry on Harold Cook’s blog, Letters From Texas and had to share it with you. It could be Slick Rick's best speech to date.

Michigan Congressman Thaddeus McCotter (R) has dropped out of the presidential race and will endorse Mitt Romney. The main reason he dropped out is that no one knew he had dropped In to the presidential race.



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Flipant Friday

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Today is the first day of fall and the leaves are already beginning to turn…That’s a laugh, not that it is the first day of fall, the bit about the leaves turning colors.  There are no leaves.  It has been so hot in Texas this summer that the leaves turned brown back in July and by August they had mostly fallen off.  The grass is dead and so are a lot of the trees and shrubbery.   The only things in Texas that is turning today is the air conditioner up and the water hose on.

However, on this Friday the 23rd of September there is something about to fall for the first time and unfortunately it is not rain drops.  The 6.5 ton satellite known as UARS is going to fall out of the sky sometime today.  It is about the size of a school bus and NASA is not sure where it is going to come down. So if you plan on being outside today, you might want to wear a hard hat.

Facebook has had more face lifts than Joan Rivers with about the same results.  A little scarier each time.

Last night's Republican debate was a real slug fest.  By slug, I mean those slimy creepy crawly things. It was an hour an half of Romney and Perry standing toe to toe saying, “Did not..did too, did not, did too,” while the six other little boys and one little girl stood around with their hands in their pockets not making eye contact.

Republicans hate paying taxes so much that one would think that Al Capone founded their party.

A pick-up truck crashed into a Whataburger in Pasadena today.  I don’t why people are upset. There was a large sign out front that clearly said, “Drive-In Window.”

It looks like the AT&T and T-Mobile merger may not go through.  A spokesman said they are trying to work out the details.  He said they have all of the I’s dotted but there may be too many T’s to cross.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

A Tea Partier Does His Civic Duty

TweetHi to my readers. This is Rod and I have a guest filling in for me today.  Please welcome Walter.

Howdy, my name is Walter and I was called to jury duty last week.  It was quite exciting. I told them I was a true blue self-righteous Christian conservative far right wing-nut tea party patriot and by God I was there to do some serious judging or if they just needed a little severe criticisms doled out, I could handle that too.

 I also told them if there was a death penalty involved I was all for it just as long as it was some poor ignorant man woman or child. String em up, hang em high and let em die I always say.  Now if it was an unborn baby, whoa buddy, that is a whole different story.  I sure as hell don’t go for that shit, but once the little pecker head popped his or her noggin out of the womb, they are on their own

I told them that executions were confirmed in the Bible’s death panels, right there in the chapter by Mark or Luke or uh John…or might have been Paul or George and Ringo….anyway it was right there in black and white on page 16, “ an eye for eye” …and that sure as hell don’t mean “Here’s lookin’ at ya.”  No siree bob, that means you gonna die sucker.  Hey killin’s okay as long as you do it in God’s name.

Then I sang em’ the National Anthem just to show that I knew all of the words…or most of them anyway.  But as luck would have it, they said they didn’t have any sudden death cases on the docket and pointed me toward the door saying that I might check with Judge Judy. They said that she could use my help.

I never could find Judge Judy’s courtroom, so I took my self-serving, judgmental, narrow-minded ass home proud that once again I had served my country well and hadn’t even broken a sweat.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Of Sarah Palin Revealed

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 A new book out about Sarah ( Half-assed Governor of Alaska) Palin says she had a one night stand with a former NBA player, slept with her husband’s business partner and isn’t a good mom. I find it really hard to believe that Sarah is not a good mom. I have always referred to her as some kind of mother. 

A Colorado cat missing 5 years was found wondering the streets of New York City.  Sadly it’s just another tragic story in the sleazy underworld of catnip addiction.

The postal service is announcing “A new reality”…slower mail service.  Christmas packages need to be mailed by this weekend.

Michele ( I can't be bought, but I can be leased for four years) Bachmann is out to get the endorsement of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, the self-proclaimed toughest sheriff in America whose uncompromising stand on illegal immigration is a point of pride.  Word is that the sheriff hasn’t made a decision yet.  He said he is still checking her papers.

News sources are reporting that a rogue trader at the USB-AG Bank of Geneva has lost two billion.  I wonder if they have looked under the couch cushions or in the dirty laundry hamper.  I know that’s where I find a lot of stuff that’s gone missing.

Texas Governor Rick (I am pretty sure I believe in something, I just don’t know what) Perry’s Foreign Policy seems to be as foreign to him as everyone else.  In the last two debates he has revealed a Foreign Policy that is inconsistent, muddled, and sometimes contradictory.  Come to think of it, that is pretty much the way his governorship of the state has been.

Slick Rick also revealed a new campaign slogan today.  It is much more aggressive:

 Stay tuned for future adventures.

Tee'd Off

I have been saying for months that most of the Tea Party members are complete wackos and the last couple of Republican debates have been solid proof.  First the Republicans at the debate at the Ronald Reagan library applauded for the executions of 274 people in Texas and at the latest Republican debate they called out for a man to die who doesn’t have health insurance.

Actually since the Tea Party fraction of the Republican Party has taken over they are sounding more like Nazi’s or Storm Troopers everyday.
From now on I will refer to these pinheads as members of the T-Party.  Tea has no place with this bunch of bone heads.  Any of the following T words will work better than Tea to explain these kooks.
Testy
Tacky
Tawdry
Temper Mental
Tailspin’
Tantrum
Tapeworm
Tarnish
Tardy
Tart
Tasteless
Temporary
Terrible
Thoughtless
Throttle
Thug
Tiny
Thud
Tiresome
Tirade
Tom foolery
Toxic
Trash
Trench Mouth
Trivial
Trite
Trouble Maker
Tumor
Turncoat
Twist
Twit
Two Faced
Tyrannical
Feel free to pick out your favorite.

Texas Governor Rick (Born again and again and again) Perry spoke at Liberty University this week.  Liberty University is the college founded by Jerry (I would like to be born again but right now I’m deader than a doornail) Farwell.  Jerry you remember blamed 9/11 on abortionists, the feminists and gays.  Anyway Sick Rick told the audience that when he was 27 he “wrestled with God.”  He didn’t elaborate whether it was a best two out of three match or if it was just arm wrestling.

Mitt ( I have a better hair-do than Rick Perry) Romney speaking in Arizona yesterday said this about Darth ( I really am a Dick) Cheney.  “This is a man of wisdom and judgment, and he could have been president of the United States.” ...What do you mean could have been?


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Tuesday Twofer

Today is National Defy Superstition Day and National Positive Thinking Day.  Yes two different holidays on the same day that seems to counter act each other.  My first thoughts were that who ever dreamed up these two was either a schizophrenic or prankster.  Hey maybe he was a schizophrenic who like to play pranks. 
So I thought I would celebrate by walking under ladders, letting black cats cross my path, breaking a few mirrors, stepping on every crack in the sidewalk, sitting a hat on a bed, , lighting three cigarettes with one match, killing a ladybug, letting some milk boil over, throwing away my lucky horseshoe and rabbit foot, putting my shoes on a table, leaning a broom on a bed, swallowing a watermelon seed, and opening an umbrella in the house. I plan on doing this while shouting what a great day it is and singing Don’t Worry, Be Happy.


I didn’t watch last nights Republican debate since I had watched the last one and decided that it was two hours of my life completely wasted that I would never get back, but let me guess, they all said they would put 11 million people back to work their first day in office and wouldn’t raise taxes.  Yeah, good luck with that.
Scientist just announced fifty new planets they have found.  Remember when we were told there were only nine planets?  Oh yeah, and the earth was flat and we were the center of the universe.  Amazing how solid, cold hard facts are not as solid and hard as we sometime think.  Texas Governor Slick Rick (I’m so full of bullshit, its running out my boots) Perry might better take another look at climate change data.

Warped Wednesday

 Another Labor Day has come and gone where we pay homage to the millions of folks who once had jobs.

A lady at Walgreen’s asked me if I wanted a flu shot.  I said no but told her when you start doing tequila shots, let me know.

I have finally figured out why every dog in my neighborhood HATES the postman.  They never get any mail.  I have two cats and they get lots of mail.  Of course it’s mostly cat-a-logs.

Lindsay Lohan announced last week that she just a got a lyric from Billy Joel  tattooed on her back.  When she was told that “I Fought the Law and the Law Won” wasn’t a Billy Joel song, she said, "that’s what I get for listening to dad when he has been drinking."

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Ed Rollins, campaign manager for Michele (I love a good turnover) Bachmann has resigned along with his deputy.  This is nothing new in the Bachmann camp.  She has had six chiefs of staff in four years, five press secretaries, five legislative directors and three communications directors. Michele said it was just part of her always revolving door policy.  

Here is a news flash for you. Defense Secretary Leon Panetta says he thinks Moe Gadhafi Duck is on the run.  You think…?  A custom official said that a number of convoys of forces loyal to Moe crossed into Niger including ten vehicles loaded with gold, dollars and euros.  More than likely Moe got one of those emails from Nigeria and is heading over there to help some kind person get their money out of the country.  Then again he may just stop in Niger which 80% is covered by the Sahara desert. He always said he loved the beach.

Former Vice President Darth ( I really am a Dick) Cheney will soon be on the road promoting his new memoir In My Time.  He’ll be signing books at a gun show near you.

Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney proposed Tuesday to reduce regulations and taxes on companies.  Most large companies don’t pay any taxes now.  How do you go any lower than zero? And since the Government is deep in the red, how is taking in less money going to help us out of debt?   Oh I forgot, helping large companies is what the GOP  (Greedy Old Politicians) is all about.


Stay tuned for future adventures.

Flippant Friday

Tweet I have been trying to come up with some jokes about former Vice-President Darth (I really am a Dick) Cheney’s memoir but have come up totally blank.  Apparently there is absolutely nothing funny about starting wars and torturing people by water boarding.

The memoir is entitled In My Time.  Personally I would like to read about him “doing time” as a war criminal.  Darth has supposedly suffered 4 heart attacks.  I say supposedly because I always thought you had to have a heart to have a heart attack.  

Anheuser-Busch has created a Facebook page to enable parents to talk with experts and help educate their children about underage drinking.  I understand the number one tip is to never order Coors, Miller’s  or any Mexican beer.   Other great tips are where to buy fake id’s, how to look older and always avoid throwing up on your date or in your parents car.

Why do they call it Fox news?  To my knowledge they have never run a single story about a fox.

I can’t believe the Rebels in Libya still don’t know where Gadhafi Duck  is….Don’t they have Google? 

Slick Rick (I’m not a crook) Perry is the Texas version of Tricky Dick (I’m not a crook) Nixon.  Both are cut from the same sleazy, unethical, corrupt, serial politician cloth. 

It appears that Bill (I’m not as fat as Rush, but I have just as big an ego) O’Rielly’s little wifey pooh was having an affair with a detective from the Long Island Police Department.  I guess you could say she went from a Political Dick to a Police Dick.




Stay tuned for future adventures.