The Famous and Not So Famous

It just dawned on me the other day that we haven’t heard of an Elvis sighting in years.  I think maybe he’s sick.

Now that Lindsay Lohan is out of rehab they say she is not addicted to drugs and alcohol after all, she’s just a idiot…

Word is that Angelina Jollie just adopted two more kids, a highway and a bad attitude.

 
Billionaire Paul Allen is suing Apple, Google, AOL, eBay, Facebook, Netflix, Office Depot, OfficeMax, Staples, Yahoo and YouTube.  I’ve been pissed off at my computer before but that seems a little excessive.

It seems that not much is real about reality tv star Heidi Montag.   Just ask her plastic surgeon. He performed 10 procedures on her in one day.  That gives a whole new meaning to Slicing and Dicing.

There must be some truth to the rumor about the health North Korea’s dictator Kim Jong-il.  He is now being referred to as Kim Jong-sick.

After spending 45 days in jail after a 2007 an alcohol related offense, she said the experience caused her to re-evaluate the role partying played in her life.  Paris Hilton got busted for possession of cocaine this week.  It’s good to see someone find their role in life and go after it.

I'm not sure if Glen Beck can read or write but it obvious that he can't count.

Today's good read is The Lost Wife's Tale by Marion McGilvary.  My wife recommended this book to me and I have to say that I was surprised how much I enjoyed it.  If you only read it for the writing, it would worth reading.  However, it is a great love story told by a compelling main character.

It's All About Houston

• I was wondering one day just who would fly Stuebner Airline?  Then I realized Kirkwood.

•  When is NASCAR going to come to Buffalo Speedway?

•  I feel sorry for the sport fans around here.  The last time Houston came out on the winning side of anything was the Battle of San Jacinto.

• Did you know that Alexander Graham Bell grew up in Houston.?  I believe he lived on Telephone Road.

•  When studying Houston Politics, do you take a Long Point or Westview?

• Somebody said the strongest road in Houston, was the Hardy Toll Road.

• The next time a Comcast salesman calls you at home during supper, tell him you will sign up for cable if they carry the Houston Ship Channel.

• The people involved in the Sharpstown Scandal were dull.

• At the Texas Children’s Hospital, do all the doctors look like Doogie Howser?

Moonlight Special

The night of the two moons is coming up this Friday night.  They claim it is a once in a life time event. I guess it is if you have a really short memory because according to the internet, this is the third time it has happened in the last seven years. Do I smell hoax in the air?

Speaking of the moon, we made nine trips to the moon in four years. Six times we landed on the moon and three times we couldn’t find a parking space, so we just drove around it and came home.  The last time we went to the moon was 1972. That was 38 years ago. Surely a parking space has opened up by now.

Think of the technology and the incredible precision timing it took to pull off a moon landing.  I mean what if they had gotten there and it was a half or quarter-moon.  We could have missed it completely.

But we will always have moonlight, moonbeams, moonshine, moon pies, moon river, blue moon, harvest moon, new moon, half-moon, quarter-moons. Don’t forget the man in the moon, by the light of the silvery moon, paper moon, moon dance, moon walk, moon shot, moonstone, moon shadow, moonlight serenade, Moon over Miami,  Moonraker, Moonstruck, and quit mooning me out the school bus window.
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When was the last time you were hit up at the airport by moonies?  They must be in a really long eclipse. If Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon, why does Michael Jackson get credit for the Moon Walk?


Today's good read is The Siege by Stephen White.  A small town cop gets caught up in a hostage situation where the hostage taker is playing by no known rules.



Stay tuned for future adventures.

Politics Make For Strange BedWetters

I'll admit I don't care much for politics but I absolutely can't stand politicians.  It seems to me the elected officials in our country can't quit running for office long enough to run the country.

Most politicians can carry on a three-way conversation.  They can talk out of both sides of their mouth and their ass at the same time.  Many politicians I have come across are just Snake Oil Salesmen without the oil or the salesmen.

A famous Republican politician was asked recently if he was familiar with Lincoln's Gettysburg address and he replied that he was unaware that Mr. Lincoln had ever resided in Gettysburg.

A well known Democrat was asked if he felt FDR's New Deal policy was good for the country.  He said he couldn't comment on classified material but was confident that the FDR, FBI and CIA were all working together to keep our country safe.

There are a little over 300 million folks in the United States and all the laws that govern us are made by 541 people (Congress).  Doesn't that ratio seem a little out of whack.  Of course we have 34,750 good, trustworthy, honest registered lobbyist to help them out by actually writing the laws so that the congressmen can do their real job.  Running for re-election.

Did you know that our Government has a money back guarantee?  It's in the fine print of the Constitution. It states that the Government guarantees that anytime they are tired of our money, they will send it back.
Stay tuned for future adventures.

Internet or Internut?

Ya'll know that I'm not quite up to speed with all of this new technology but I am pretty sure the reason our computers have gone from floppy disc to hard drive is because of all the porn.

When I really think about the internet I don't know if it is really new stuff or just the same old stuff repackaged.  Amazon is the 21st Century version of the Sears & Roebuck mail order catalog.  Ebay is simply the world's largest garage sale and now we don't have to wait to go over to our Aunt's house to be bored silly with home movies, we have You Tube.

URL, HTML, and RSS are much more secretive, mysterious and powerful than the F.B.I. and C.I.A ever thought about.  eBay, eTrades, eTravel, emusic, etc....I'm leaning toward Enough.  I know for a fact that I am through with Enron and Exxon.

You can usually tell if someone is not really savvy with the social media stuff if they keep referring to their My SpaceBook page.  I can remember when a twit was someone you DIDN'T want to have conversation with.


The very first internet message was sent on Friday, October 29th, of 1969.  For the life of me I can't imagine what it said since it wasn't until March of 1998 when the FDA approved Viagra.



For today's Good read, I am recommending 13 1/2 by Nevada Barr.  Nevada leaves her Anna Pigeon series for this stand alone psychological thriller that will keep you up until the exciting finish.





Stay tuned for future adventures.

Wide World of Sports

As reported in the New York Times, doctors now believe that Lou Gehrig may not have had Lou Gehrig disease after all, but actually had Bobby Pippen disease, a little known minor league ballplayer who once said he was the unluckiest man on the face of the earth.

Brete Favre announced he is going to play another year for the Minnesota Vikings but unfortunately it was overshadowed by the return of Mickey Mantle to the New York Yankees and the release of the tour dates this year for Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly and Bill Haley and His Comets.

Roger Clemens just got indicted for lying to Congress.  A hearing by the way that only took place because he insisted on having it.  Pretty obvious that "The Rocket" is certainly no rocket scientist.

Here is a real sport for you.  Dr. Laura is quitting her radio show.  This is a quote from the Larry King Show. "I want to be able to say what's on my mind and in my heart and what I think is helpful and useful without somebody getting angry".  Yeah, good luck with that.  Maybe the good Dr. should try opening her mind instead of her mouth.

 Rod Blogojevich, the former Governor of Illinois was found Not Guilty on 23 of the counts charged against him, but was found GUILTY of having a really BAD hair day, everyday of his life.

They announced at the SETI Convention in Mountain View Ca, this week that we should make contact with aliens by the year 2025.  The message they are sending out is "Greetings from Earth.  When visiting, we advise you to avoid Arizona at this time."

Today's good read is They're Watching by Gregg Hurwitz.  This is a real page turner about a screenwriter who's movie becomes all to real.      Stay tuned for future adventures

More Stuff I'm Not Sure About

I was wondering how many more years we are going to have endure the woman telling us how to leave a message on voice mail?  I'm pretty sure I have it down.

I just read about a man who was suing his doctor over penis enlargement surgery.  He said his penis was enlarged for a while and then it shrunk back.  Am  I missing something here?  That's the way they work.

I keep reading where a lot of people in this country think we are going in the wrong direction.  I know a lot of people who don't know which way is up.  Seems to me like there are three choices.  We can keep going forward.  We can turn around and go back in the direction we came.  Or we can sit on our asses and do nothing.  I think maybe a lot of people now days wouldn't have made good pioneers.



Mark Hurd, CEO of HP is the latest in a long line of CEO's who have had to resign lately because they screwed up.  BADLY.  Like the others, he will drive away with a truck load of money in severance pay.  Where do I get one of these jobs?  I can screw up with the best of them.


On a positive note. Since I started listening to Pandora radio I've been keeping track and so far I have won 32,000 free business cards from Vista Printing.  Last week I got a letter from Publishers Sweepstakes and I may have already won a million dollars.  Not only that but today I got an email from Nigeria and I can make $200,000 dollars just by helping a guy move his money to the USA.  It wouldn't surprise me if I haven't won a couple of million in the UK lottery.

A good read I want to recommend is Give + Take by Stona Fitch.  A very interesting story with great characters told with a modern day Robin Hood twist.  I think you will like it.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

A BIT OF IRONY

Many years ago I watched Oral Roberts heal people on TV to raise money for a hospital he wanted to build.  I remember thinking if he could heal people, why in the hell did he need a hospital.  Sometime things are not what they appear to be.  Take the Catholic Church's hands-on training program for altar boys.

The pharmaceutical companies spend billions of dollars on ads on TV for products (drugs) that they can't sell directly to us.  The retail stores (drug stores) that actually sell the product (drugs) can't sell it to us directly either.  The only way you can get their product is through a doctor (drug dealer). Even prostitutes can work without a pimp.

I heard a man complaining that the economy was in trouble because we had gone off the Gold standard.  Did he really believe there was enough gold in Fort Knox to cover all the paper we have printed? There is not enough gold on the planet to cover that.  

What is it about gold anyway.  Or diamonds too for that matter.  We don't need or use either one for anything that is vital to us. They are shiny and we can make jewelry out of them. There are far more minerals and ores on the planet that are much more important to our daily lives. Someone thousands of years ago decided they were valuable and we have stuck with it ever since.  Talk about the Emperor has no clothes.....Well he does have a big ole diamond ring and large gold necklace.  I think I'm back to the pimp. 



Stay tuned for future adventures.

More Stuff I'm Not Sure About

They say the English language is the hardest to learn.  I know I've been at it for sixty some odd years and have very little grasp of it.  I remember as a small kid seeing a sign hung over a business saying, "LOST OUR LEASE"  Even as a child I remember thinking that a lease was something pretty important so how could you misplace it and why would you tell everybody about it?

  How about, she lost her virginity?  That's a good one.  Lost implies that it might be found safe and sound someday.  I don't think so.  When did we start referring to dead people as Late?  They're not Late, they are never going to be here.  As George Carlin once said, "Why would you use transportation  that uses the words Terminal and Final Destination?"



I heard a guy who had four ex-wives say one time that he could really read women.  I thought his reading might be OK, but his comprehension sucked.  When did the word bad become good and hot turn into cool.  Once I listened to a woman telling her son not to do drugs while standing in front of a Walgreens (a drug store)   No wonder kids are confused about drugs. And don't tell me no, that's medicine.  It was never called The Medicine Store.



I've got a good read that is probably not for everyone.  Sandman Slim by Richard Kadrey is a testosterone, adrenaline loaded noir thriller written with cutting humor about a guy who has managed to escape from Hell bent on finding revenge for the people who sent him there.




Stay tuned for future adventures.

Around and Around

Do you sometimes feel like you are going in circles?  Does around and around seem familiar?  You know they say everything is cyclical. What made me start thinking about this is how texting and IMs are starting to change our language.  We are using short cuts more and more. I get it. It takes too long to spell everything out when you're texting so we have invented new words with less letters.

If this keeps up, we will have returned to where we started.  Just using grunts and other sounds to communicate instead of having conversations using lots of words.  In some cases this might not be too bad.  I know there are some people I had rather grunt at than having a involved conversation.  Think of it, the next time some dippy politician comes on your tv or radio, he can just grunt a few times and its over with.  Personally I think the impact would be pretty much the same.

Some of the things that have been shorten bug me though.  Have a good day has been shortened to Have a good un'.  What the hell does that mean?  Have a good day, or life or morning. That I understand.  But un'... sorry, don't have a clue.

Why shorten fabulous to fab and supercalifragilistic to super.  Maybe that's not a good example.   I heard a dj on the radio who instead of saying The Goo Goo Dolls, say The Goo.  How dumb is that.  I'm pretty sure if The Goo Goo Dolls wanted to be called The Goo, that's what they would have named themselves.

Here is a new read I just finished.  Elysiana by Chris Knopf.

It's set on a little island town off of the New Jersey shore in the summer of 1969.  The author interweaves a number of wacky characters into a funny, poignant, interesting story.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Signs of Life

I was originally going to call this post, Things I Don't Understand but because there are so many things I don't understand, I knew there wasn't room in this column and it would probably mean me having to get up before noon to try to cover them all.

But what triggered this line of thought was seeing a electronic sign on the freeway yesterday saying Ozone Warning.  I kept a keen lookout all day because I didn't want any mean ole ozone getting me.  But the more I thought about it, isn't the Ozone layer is suppose to be a  good thing?  People are always talking about how bad the hole in the Ozone layer is, so why is there a Ozone warning..  Make up your mind.  Is it good or bad?

It seems to be alot like the Terror Alert Warnings from the Homeland Security people, whoever the hell they are. Did you know there are actually five colors used in the system. Green is Low risk, (Have a Great Day) Blue is General risk(Have a Good Day) Yellow is Significant risk(Go to work, come home, get in bed) Orange is High risk(Stay home, get under bed,get religious), and Red is Severe risk(Kiss your ass good bye).  Yellow is the status quo because Green and Blue have never been used. What really  pisses  me off about that, is those are my two favorite colors.  Oh well.

 There is no published criteria for the threat levels to change.  The Homeland Security folks say that providing detailed current intelligence would endanger their ability to gather similar information in the future.  Ok so they are making the threat level public but not telling us why. What are we suppose to do when they decide to make a color change?  Is there some manual on this that I missed somewhere?  Do we all become University of Texas Alumni and drink only orange juice on Orange day or walk around with the red ass on Red day.  Maybe the agenda is simply to be able say after something happens, "Hey don't blame us, we said it was Red day."

This somehow reminds me of being in a small classroom in Olney, Texas during the 1950's and having to get under my desk ever so often.  Even in my small undeveloped nine year old brain, I was pretty sure that desk wasn't going to protect my butt from an atomic bomb.

Stay tuned for future adventures.

Just Clowning Around

National Clown week always brings back memories.  When I was little, I ran away from the circus and joined a family.

I actually don't like clowns.  I don't find them funny and I think they are creepy, however, I have to admit to being the class clown most of high school.  It's not as easy a job as you might think.  I hated wearing that big red nose and those giant shoes were really a drag when it came to getting around in a crowed hallway.  Plus nobody ever wanted to ride in my car because it was too little. 

In my day, the world famous clowns were Clairabell, Bozo and Emmit Kelly.  Now they are Rush Slimeball, Bill O'Really, and Glen(I-can-cry-on-cue)Beck. I will say they do remind me of the old guys, they're not funny either; just creepy. 

I never was in a circus but through the years I have certainly  had to work with a number clowns.  The art of clowning goes back to 2500BC.  Through out history most cultures have had clowns.  Today we refer to them as Congress.  I hear Judy Collins in the background which means its time for me to go put on my make up and fill up my squirting flower.

Here is a good read for you to check out.  L.A. Outlaws by T. Jefferson Parker.  Parker is one the best crime writers I've come across lately.